Being questioned constantly . . .

Started by alliematt, October 28, 2016, 01:03:05 AM

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alliematt

I just took a look at this article:  http://pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2015/08/7-ways-a-person-can-be-abused/#at_pco=tst-1.0&at_si=581148646de5a6e1&at_ab=per-2&at_pos=1&at_tot=2 

Under "emotional abuse", I found the following:  "Increased Anxiety – It is easy to become anxious when questioned about every move, motive or aptitude. "

I thought, Yes!  I've had this happen to me.  Definitely.  I've had times where nearly everything I did was commented on by whoever the bully was at the time.  I've also had people ask questions about what I was doing or what I did, and then get asked, "why did you do this?" or, for the next few minutes, be lectured about why I shouldn't have done/ should have done whatever.

I have this feeling of someone constantly looking over my shoulder, ready to say, "You missed a spot."

sanmagic7

hey,

i am one of those questioners.  for a long time i believed it was my job to 'help' people know themselves better, to know their own reasons, to be able to stand up to the questions because they were so strong in their convictions.  i'd question people to make sure they could explain the 'why' to themselves.

i'm still a questioner, but now it's more out of curiosity.  i'm fascinated by the mind, by all the perspectives and perceptions people have, and always want to learn.  i sometimes know my own reasons for doing/saying something, but i want to learn what other peoples' reasons are.  often, it's how i've gotten clues as to the 'why' for myself.  it's like a living class for me, always teaching me new information.

i have been criticized for all my questioning several times during my life by different people.  and i would squirm under the questions of others, usually because i truly didn't know the 'why' of what i was doing or thinking.    i think a lot of my questioning came from not being allowed to question my parents about anything.  i was trained to do as i was told, never questioning what it meant, why, what was the purpose.  now that i have an adult voice, i question everything.  i'm still learning through these questions, not only about others, but about myself.  i'm that much out of touch with me, still.

Kizzie

Hey Alliematt - I always felt like I could not breathe in my family because they were enmeshing and commented on (criticized) everything I did. And then I carried that into my adult life.

It's a form of power when others can throw you off balance and keep you from looking too closely at them -- just like the saying "a good defense is the best offense."  And I think we become trained to expect someone to comment and possibly send out signals to those who need to feel superior to focus in on us.

It had the effect of dragging me outside myself if that makes sense and as that bit you read suggested, lose confidence and second guess myself.  It also put me in the position of having to justify or explain or defend myself all the time. 

So I get it  :yes:  and what I did to help myself is to remember to not JADE (justify, argue, explain and/or defend) which I learned to do at our sister site Out of the FOG.  It works really well and I am much more confident these days and prepared if/when I meet that personality type who does that.

Hope this is helpful  :hug: