what's in a name? (Part 1)

[Blueberry]

Melodie Rose is actually my name. Well my first and middle.

It's very brave of you using your real name here. I couldn't possibly do that, even though my name is not particularly unusual.

[ah]

This is a beautiful topic, I love reading about the ideas behind people's names. It's like a window into the mind, it never stops fascinating.

Mine is just a surprised "ah" I had when I found out about c-ptsd. I felt like a light bulb had lit up above my head, and a few hundred questions I had carrying around with me about me, my life, my feelings, my failures... just vanished.
It's just a really simple "ah", not "ah...!" or "ah??? %#^%&" because, well, I felt small and insignificant as I chose it so it became me, I felt uninteresting and felt like hiding, so I didn't make it more interesting. But also because finding out about c-ptsd wasn't a cathartic melodramatic moment, it was really small and quiet but ran deep.

[Kizzie]

It is fun/interesting to read this thread I must say    I never posted about why I chose my forum name before because I didn't think it was overly meaningful, but I actually it was now that I reflect back on why I chose it. 

I just wanted a loving nicknamey kind of a handle, something really different from how I felt at the time. Kizzie seemed light-hearted, kind of innocent and free spirited, someone I wanted to become. Sometimes I will hear myself talking to myself as Kizzie now, saying "Well Kizzie Kat, time to get up and stretch" or "OK Kizzie girl, great job today, time for a break."   I like that I do that now 

[M.R.]

Blueberry, I wasn't very creative as I was trying to think of a name and I wasn't too terribly worried about being contacted again by my abusers so I didn't find any fear in using my name. No one here really knows anything about me like where I live or even my last name and my mother disowned me when I think I was 14 so it was just easier for me I guess. :/

Melodie

[sanmagic7]

i love reading about peoples' names here.  it's fascinating to me.  there is so much experience and wonderment collected in these names.  thanks so much to everyone for sharing.  hugs all around.

[DecimalRocket]

DecimalRocket.

I thought something sciency could fit. It's not just because I go to classes specialized in STEM but it's also because this is probably what kept my hopes up all these years. My reason for living.

When I was young, I didn't feel much of any positve emotion. I barely had no gratitude for my life. No feeling of love or closeness to family or "friends". I had barely no relaxation from being so anxious the whole day. Barely any pride for any accomplishments as I had cruel high expecations on everything. But I did have some curiosity left.

My earliest memories were of reading in the library. Roman and Greek History. Spies. Animals. Machines. Planets. Different countries. I learned how to read earlier than other children. I read books for teenagers at early elementary. I read books for adults at my preteen years whether it was a complex fiction commentary on suicide or Michio Kaku explaining the physics of the fourth dimension.

I remember whenever I had a particular bad day — I'd remind myself that I hadn't finished learning everything in the world yet. I remember one video I always remembered during times like this. It was called "The Most Astounding Fact." It told of the idea that many of the elements of the periodic table where birthed in the guts of stars — that exploded into the universe when these stars died. And the speaker remarked that this meant that elements composed of our bodies all came from the same place and all of us are connected in some way. That we are not just in the universe. The universe is in us.

Space became a symbol of my life. An endless place of mostly darkness. Something that struck fear at how large and unknown everything was yet is a concept of constant fascination and wonder.

I was terrified by my own life yet I was . . . deeply fascinated by it.

Everytime I cried. . . Everytime I had a breakdown . . . Everytime I nearly lost all damn hope. . .

Instead of being afraid of the unknown, I asked myself . . . "What possibilites are out there?" "What theories, research and observations can I make to solve this?" "What's new to learn?"

I realized that if I had the chance to get out of this, it was in believing that curiosity was stronger than fear.

I was on a rocket into the unknown my entire life.

I didn't learn to live anymore. I lived to learn.

[woodsgnome]

I know this thread is just about names, but I feel like hopping in to thank DecimalRocket for the observations expressed here, especially the reminder that "curiosity was stronger than fear."

I too haunted libraries early on; the imagination I found there was my only outlet and connection to a world greater than the * I was in. So reading became not just a refuge, but an open door to unthaw my frozen perceptions of what could be. As George Bernard Shaw put it: "Some see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not."

Curiosity can take rude turns, dredge up what's hard to take (e.g. "they never loved me; no one did; I was abandoned; I'm no good", etc.) We seek to always avoid pain, but it's only a door. It may be hard to open, but beyond it might indeed lie other realms, and sometimes it's the only way...unknown but perhaps it's where the peace will be found, too. Not as a destination, but as a process that continues and is fraught with possibilities that somehow we know are out there, with our names on it; for us. 

[I like vanilla]

I think maybe we need to start a love of libraries thread. I too spent much time haunting libraries. I still love libraries. Libraries were my havens, especially during summer break from school where there was no where else to hide from my abusive parents and older brother and needy younger siblings. Plus, I love learning, browsing shelves in subject areas that are new to me, picking books from favourite sections. Reading and reading while there. Going home with stacks of books and gobbling them all up. Books and libraries have always been an escape and a haven for me.

I think I will start that thread... because... libraries 

Edited: to keep this thread from being usurped, I did start the libraries thread. This is a great thread; I am enjoying reading about how people chose their names and want to avoid going too far off the original topic.

[sanmagic7]

i was in the library all the time as a kid.  billy the bookworm reading challenges every summer.  it's still one of my favorite places to be, along with fabric stores.  it's the tactile sensations i seek.

thanks d.r. and redrat, for adding your voices and explanations here.  so very interesting.  so many ways to battle this beast from so many different angles.  how wondrous are we!

and glad to find more libraryphiles vanilla and wg.  they're the best.

[Resca]

Well, mine is from the book House of Leaves. I'm obsessed with that book and also with the companion album, Haunted.

I have been trying to finish that book for ages and it just keep getting away from me. It seems like one of those books that you really have to commit to, like on a vacation or something like that. I had no idea there was a companion album though - thanks for putting that out there!

Sanmagic, I love that your name is inspired by all the magic in the world. That's a really beautiful sentiment, and something I think we can all benefit from sometimes. Just knowing there is some other force out there that is creating good in the world.

Mine is a combination of two things: the word "resilient," which is what I am aiming to be more and more everyday, and the first two letters of my name. Res Ca. Because I am resilient.

[Blueberry]

Mine is a combination of two things: the word "resilient," which is what I am aiming to be more and more everyday, and the first two letters of my name. Res Ca. Because I am resilient.

That's really neat! And I think it's brilliant that you can write that you are resilient! It's really hard for me to say or write positive things about myself. You can apparently.   

[songbirdrosa]

Mine has a lot of different layers to it.

Songbird
- The name of one of my favourite songs that has a line I particularly love in it; Songbird, you've got a tale to tell. How many times can you describe your living *?
- An old school nickname that my friend used to call me because he said my singing was really sweet like a bird.
- I love music, and I've always kinda thought of myself as being a bit like a bird. Feeling like I need to be free to fly away and never staying in one place for too long.

Rosa
- This is a variation of my name, but not the one I go by in real life.
- The symbolism of roses as something beautiful that comes from something that can hurt has always kinda resonated with me.

[Elphanigh]

This thread has been amazing to read through. I absolutely adore the different reasons for each of your names on here. I also second the idea that we need a thread about libraries, I am such a book nerd. Which brings me to why I chose my name.

It is a variation on a character  Elphabanigh from Wicked. I read the book growing up, over and over again. I do also love the musical, but my love began with the original work. I grew connected to the depth of her character and strength. I felt connected, like there was something in that character that I aspired to be. So I have used variations of the name in places, including this one where I could grow to be what I saw in that character.

It also sounds a bit like Elf which is often a race in books/video games/movies that I connect greatly with. Often one full of wisdom, and strength. Two things I always strive to have and gain.

Basically I am a book nerd

[sanmagic7]

wow, i haven't been back here in awhile, but so happy to see new names still coming.  such strong, beautiful reasons for your names, so inspiring.  absolutely love it.

i'm happiest, i think, when absorbed by a book.  i'd gotten away from them for awhile because of my move, but they're back, i've found some keepers at goodwill, which i've been so pleased about, and have 2 books waiting to be finished by one of my favorite amer. authors - steinbeck.

thanks everyone for keeping this going.  i absolutely love it and all of you.

[miaoue]

because it's a cat sound...and i'm mostly a cat... 

i love this thread btw. i feel like i've learned so much about you ppl!