Where do I start??... feeling a bit overwhelmed :/

[ElenW]

Hello    After years of 'searching' for answers, Friday was a bit of an odd day... good old Facebook literally 'threw' two articles at me that successively made me go "OM-flippin'-G", and in essence led me here.  The first was on C-PTSD - I'd looked at PTSD before, but it didn't quite 'fit' - and the second on parents (in my case mother) with NPD... suddenly my entire childhood and life since made sense.  But after a weekend of more "OMG-ing" as I read and completely related to it all, I've woken up on Monday morning asking "OK, so what happens now??"

In essence, what I'm asking is armed with this new information (labels??), how do I now go about recovering from this and focusing on the future life that I'm so desperate to create??  There's soooooooo much information out there, I honestly don't know where to start... is there a 12-step programme or something??   Sorry, don't mean to be cheeky honestly, but what should I do first??!!

It also worries me a bit that much of what I've read refers to essential support from family and friends, but I don't have either... this is actually making me panic because I feel like it's saying I'll never recover unless I have these.   I have approached the local 'talking therapy' service, but they don't seem keen on my self-diagnosis (thanks!) and I'm worried they won't help... no one I've ever met seems to really understand the complexity of this situation* so they just seem to back off and 'deal with' later stuff that - for me - is a direct result of my childhood and not an issue in it's own right... I feel like the 'childhood' needs to be tackled directly if anything is going to change.

*For the (joys of complexity!) record, I was adopted but by an emotionally abusive (NPD) mother - so two 'layers' already - and now have no more than about a day's worth of memories of my childhood (all my dad and all away from the house/her), and have struggled to retain many of my adult memories too, so again have had counsellors not really know how to deal with things I can't remember (only emotions).  My adoptive dad died last year and she 'kicked off' again, hence the 'management strategies' I've had in place for 30 years failing miserably, and all this becoming a emotional crisis which is now completely overwhelming. 

In short, I want this over and to have a life... so honestly, all advice on where to start is VERY much welcome and appreciated.

Elen xx

[joyful]

Hey ElenW!
I had a very similar experience. PTSD wasn't quite it, therapist isn't super into "labels" but they are helpful to me for some reason. I also want a strict, like procedure to tell me exactly what to do to heal. I'm still in the beginnings of it I don't have any answers, but I have found this site very helpful. People here understand what you're feeling and can give you advice and stuff.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, ElenW! So glad you found this forum.

It sure would be nice to have a set of step by step instructions on what to do next! That sounds good to me, too. Unfortunately each one of our circumstances is different and highly personal, and each of us must find what fits for us.

The first thing I'd like you to know is that there is lots of hope! This isn't a life sentence, and this forum is very supportive.

I'm the kind of person who loves information and making up my own mind, so for me the gathering of info and knowledge was a good place to start. Richard Grannon, "The Spartan Life Coach", has many helpful, informative videos on youtube for people who deal with narcissists.

I have found a lot of help in the 12 steps of Al Anon, although some of it doesn't quite fit; but the literature has really great info and I've gotten some strength and stability from some of the concepts. Plus, I can sit with other people and hear their stories, and glean bits of insight from them.

Kizzie, our administrator here, recently put up a section on downloads; I've just started reading one and it's marvelous!

I hope I haven't swamped you with too much info, I better stop there.    Thanks again for joining! 

[Kizzie]

HI Elen and a very warm welcome to OOTS    I'm sure you will get few more posts about that feeling of relief for finally being able to name or label what happened and whats happening, quickly followed by fear and "Now what?"  It's really common and one reason we advise new members to take baby steps and breaks when you begin to feel overwhelmed. 

One good place to start (or in your case try again) is to get into therapy.  As Three Roses suggested, maybe have a look at some of the downloads we have in our resources section. Many of us have had to "educate" our doctors and therapists as to the diagnosis of Complex PTSD versus PTSD because it is not widely known yet.  They are here - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/ and I would suggest these three:

• Fact Sheet for GPs: Understanding Complex Trauma  - from The Blue Knot foundation


• Fact Sheet for Health Practitioners Working with Complex Trauma - from The Blue Knot foundation


• The Diagnosis of Complex PTSD - from OOTS

There's also a form to record your symptoms and what caused them under "Forms and Checklists" at the top of the page which could be quite helpful if/when you talk to your doc/T again.   

Good luck and remember, baby steps. 

[waterlotus]

So glad I found this forum, but I'm an older woman, 56, and have entered into another phase of the problem that apparently happens when you don't get treated over a long period of time. I'm having a great deal of trouble leaving the house, have had trauma associated with the medical field (therefore, no trust), and greatly fear the stigmatization of such a diagnosis. This is the longest stretch of 'inside the house' I've ever had with it running into over 2 weeks now. Essentially, I'm just hanging on by a hangnail at this point. I've tried, for years, so many things: yoga, diet, exercise, meditation, and some of it helped with emotional regulation, but the sense of 'being' in life is still gone for me. I so desperately need help, but have no idea how I'm supposed to do that. I will not take medications, and prefer to try and treat this holistically. Any suggestions? Thank you for listening.

[Three Roses]

Wow, this sounds so familiar! I just turned 60 and am just beginning to deal with my past. I only just remembered a large chunk of it a couple of years ago.

You mention that you've tried meditation; how about some chakra work? There's a test you can take and info on the chakras on this site - https://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/introduction.php

I have to admit I was very skeptical, but having tried it I can tell you I felt a difference.

Take things at your own pace! You'll find something here that will be of help, I'm positive. And lots of people who can relate to what you're going thru. Thanks for joining!

[sameer]

Hi ElenW
You asked if there is a 12 step programme to help with CPTSD.
I've found that CODA (Codependents Anonymous) is really good: http://www.coda-uk.org/
I'm assuming you are in the UK??

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, sameer!