Slept for six whole hours. It was peaceful.

[radical]

I just slept from just before midnight until 6.am.  It was already light when I woke.

I feel so good.  Looking forward to getting on with my day, and it's beautiful out there.
The last time I slept six hours I had crashed out after several days of no sleep , or a couple of tormented hours.  This time it was after a nice day.  I was out gardening until it was dark, enjoying the smell of gunpowder in the air with Guy Fawkes tonight.  Usually I hate Guy Fawkes and wish people would stop.

I'm halfway through a really tough treatment and yesterday was a big breakthrough because I feel like I finally managed to learn how to navigate the rapids.  What helped was soothing myself, telling my frightened self kind things, so what began as flashbacks and confusion came to feel manageable.  Experiences pass, even the worst of them, the trick seems to be being kind to myself and letting them, so I can experience getting to the other side.  I didn't remember the other side.  The key really was kindness and self-compassion.

I have to work really hard on the body work Van der Kolk and others talk about.  Through the worst of anguish, terror and flashbacks, over six weeks, I learned that my pulse never changed.  I've been in shut down for such a long time that I've become rigid.  Trees bend in the wind for good reason.  I need to learn to be flexible again and I think that can only happen through movement, touch and rhythm and breathing; reconnecting my mind with my body and senses and experiencing the world as it happens.

My depression finally lifted last week and I've been waiting for the crash to come, but now I feel like I cant trust this for the next little while, and make some short-term plans.

[Three Roses]

 

Awesome news! That is great, really great to hear!

[sanmagic7]

what a difference some sleep makes.  and i've gotta remember to be kind to me while remembering that there is another side.  that was good to hear.

[Dee]

Wow, craziness!!!  It sounds wonderful!  Congratulations in a big way.

[Butterfly66]

That's wonderful, I really resonate with being kind to yourself and kind words through to the other side.