Caught me by surprise

[Maggie Jay]

I'm grateful that this board is here tonight. I went to my primary physician today and I explained that I am struggling with anxiety and wanted to go back on medication. I have come very far in my healing but I'm just figuring out that I can't cure my C-PTSD. I can however manage my symptoms which explains asking my doc for medication. I have a long standing relationship with him and we have discussed the childhood sexual abuse on several occasions......like 2 years ago when he gave me medication for anxiety. Today however I explained I had a flare up of symptoms and I'm struggling with sleeping and being irritable and intrusive thoughts. And he said....and I quote ".but it happened so long ago...and you're a counselor can't you work your way through it" .I explained I have a therapist and I have been working at this a long time. He agreed to give me medication and stated he was "comfortable giving psych meds provided I don't do anything stupid" .I assured him I was not suicidal. I am just stunned that this was a conversation with a medical professional in 2014....I am just grateful I am not at the beginning of this process, I'm so so much stronger now and still his words hurt. I have to go back in two weeks and I am hoping I can say all the things I wanted to say today but shut down before I could get them out. Thanks for giving me a place to share this with people who understand.

[alovelycreature]

Wow, I'm so sorry that happened. I'm shocked a doctor said that myself, but I have some friends who are doctors and they have told me they get no bedside manor training. I think people don't understand how trauma physically changes you, and isn't something you "get over." Even doctors. You have every right to be hurt by what he said.

When I first met my doctor we got in a HUGE fight about my trauma treatment. I was in therapy at the time and she wanted me to try drugs. I knew my depression was situational and that I wanted to learn alternative ways of reducing anxiety. When it comes to fight/flight/freeze I tend to be a fighter (for better or worse). I educated her on trauma treatment and told her if I changed my mind I would seek her help. We actually have a much better relationship now.

In your heart you know what's right for you. I hope the medication helps. I posted some meditation stuff on the articles forum. Meditation and Yoga have always helped me.  Kizzie also sent me this tapping thing that is AMAZING for anxiety. It's called tapping. I liked this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6i33V2EcVlY

[Kizzie]

Lovely -Just want to clarify that it wasn't me who sent the EFT to you - I have used it (when I belonged to Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers), but didn't find it helped me that much (which is not to say it won't help others  ).

MaggieJay - so sorry to hear about your GP's reaction!   It reiterates to me why our planned info centre may be useful in terms of raising awareness about CPTSD.  If you are able to be open with him when you see him again in two weeks, it probably will help you a great deal to let him know how his approach made you feel.  You could print out some of the information about CPTSD to have with you so you can 'educate' him.

Also, there is a thread in Community Matters" titled "What I Want My Medical/Mental Health Professionals to Know" that you might want to post something to, again to give voice to your feelings but also for other members and guests to read at some point. 

I do hope that all goes well when you do see your doc. 

[schrödinger's cat]

Oh dear. MaggieJay, I'm sorry to hear you've gone through such a bizarre experience. What a tactless thing to say! My father was always in and out of hospitals, and we've heard some truly insensitive things. My mother and I talked about it once, because obviously I was hurt on my father's behalf. Her theory is: studying medicine is such hard work that it's all those people do - many of them come from "good families" too so they never had to worry about money, they always had a safe little life, and afterwards, the constant studystudystudy examexamexam and then workworkwork has narrowed their horizons and hardened their hearts. (We were kind of furious at the time, maybe you can tell.)

[alovelycreature]

Oops. Kudos to whomever sent it! 

Lovely -Just want to clarify that it wasn't me who sent the EFT to you - I have used it (when I belonged to Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers), but didn't find it helped me that much (which is not to say it won't help others  ).

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[Maggie Jay]

Thank you all for the support. Feeling  better today, I think it is because I was able to vent it with people who understand. I do plan to speak with him next time bc he has been my doc for several years and I have always been up front about having C-PTSD. So he was either humoring me  or just not listening. Thanks again!