Forgiveness?

[Contessa]

Oh my goodness Candid! That is such a horrible thing to go through. I'm sorry that you have experienced that.

It sounds like it would have been such a shock that you did what you needed to do at the time. In my opinion you did well and have no reason to forgive yourself at all, and have learned a lesson to be prepared for next time.

Do you think your father may understand if you were to explain what happened next time he voices his confusion?

[Candid]

My father had dementia in his last years, so I knew there would be no more phone calls. No one bothered to tell me when he died, either.

As my husband said, "Even murderers in prison are told when a family member dies." I conclude that as far as family's concerned, I'm the one who's dead.

[Contessa]

Oh dear Candid I am so sorry. A silly question of me to ask.

That sucks. Your husband makes a good point If it helps you are valued as a member here. Never forget it

[Blueberry]

I thought I'd forgiven my brother, well at least on my Adult level. I did always realise that my ICs hadn't... He had apologised twice, believably, including one time in front of his wife but last summer when I saw FOO again for the first time in four years, the whole verbal/emotional rigmarole that I knew all my childhood, teenage years and on into early adulthood reared its ugly head.  Now I realise while writing this that I'd fallen into my own old trap. I kept thinking I'd forgiven my parents too, usually because the situation had improved for a while, like when I lived with my grandparents for a year as a teenager. It was almost as if I 'forgave' out of gratitude. Which is obviously wrong.

I read a lot on here yesterday before signing up today. What struck me in lots of the posts is: you seem accepting of each other. I didn't read anything along the lines of: "How dumb are you??" I'm almost ready to believe the same standard of behaviour will apply to my post too. I hope so. Because I've just realised my mistaken thinking about forgiveness.

[Three Roses]

...you seem accepting of each other. I didn't read anything along the lines of: "How dumb are you??" I'm almost ready to believe the same standard of behaviour will apply to my post too. I hope so. Because I've just realised my mistaken thinking about forgiveness.

The same standard WILL apply to your posts! We are here to listen and help you find your voice as you navigate the CPTSD waters; and there are more than a couple of us here who have a different view of forgiveness than society's. Thanks for joining!

[sanmagic7]

blueberry, i echo 3roses' thoughts.  this is the most accepting place i've ever known, and that includes many and varying types of support groups i've belonged to in real life.  very caring and generous people.  i hope you find that out for you, too.

[Contessa]

Hi Blueberry!
You have come to the right place for care and compassion. This forum has been invaluable not only to my personal recovery, but life is so much better and easier to deal with because of the friend's i've made here.
Welcome, and see you round the forum
Contessa