Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

Started by alliematt, November 25, 2016, 05:09:03 PM

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sanmagic7

sitting with you, allie, holding your hand.  sending you love and hugs.  i'm just so sorry for everything that's happening.

alliematt

#316
More and more, I'm finding myself saying, "I give.  I give.  I give."  It's impossible to figure out anything anymore.   And yes, it DOES seem like that everyone else out there IS more powerful that I am!!!  If you have money and a big mouth, people will listen.  I have neither.

sanmagic7

i've got a big mouth, but no money, so people dismiss me.  besides, what comes out of my mouth is not what a lot of people want to hear anyway.  one foot in front of the other is the only way i know how to keep moving forward.  and, it's ok to give.  sometimes it's just too much to carry on with. 

we're not always going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things.  the only thing i do know is that i can love the people close to me, smile at strangers as i walk past, and support those who i have energy to do so with.   the rest of the world has to turn without me now.  it's on its own collision course.  i can't stop it, but i can do my best for the people i care about, including you and the others here.  you're all important to me.

love and hugs, allie, love and hugs.

alliematt

Well, I rested, drank a cup of tea last night, and then went to bed; got up late, and after working a bit on my proofing, I've paid the bills and now I'm staring at a LARGE pile of paper that's been sorted and needs to be filed.

:fallingbricks:

But at least I can handle that part.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Blueberry

 :thumbup: :cheer: :cheer: on the part you can handle. As san says, one foot in front of the other and ime it's easiest to start where I can handle it.

alliematt

I just feel so absolutely broken after this latest shooting.  Last night I tried 3 mgs of melatonin for sleep and it did not work.  I have a headache from it and my anxiety level has gone up. 

Blueberry


alliematt

I'm sorry I just can't seem to get any better.  I'm supposed to be a person of faith but faith really isn't helping at the moment.  Everyone has an agenda, we all hate each other, and nothing gets done.  And it's impossible to figure out who to trust.  Being told to "do your own research and make up your own mind" says to me, "if you do that, you'll discover I"m right."  I don't know what sources to go to that I can trust where I CAN "do my own research and make up my own mind". 

sanmagic7

all i know for certain, allie, is that i don't find hate here among these people.  they're the ones that help hold my faith up.  love and hugs.

alliematt

I feel better today. :-)  After finishing proofing today, I chose not to take any work over the long weekend.

And in good news, our credit card has been paid off!!!!

:cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:


Blueberry

 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: That must feel so good! Money and debt worries don't help anything.

alliematt

I suspect I may be coming down with a cold.  Thankful that today is a holiday so I can rest.

Sceal

 :party: Hurray! Great news about the credit card being paid down! Financial worries can be a real stresser!

I hope it's a quickly passing cold. The two things I consume plenty of when I feel a physical sickness coming on is garlic soup with extra garlic and ginger and lemon tea with honey. Boosting the immunesystem. :)
I hope you have a good resting-day!

sanmagic7

sorry about the cold, but o so glad about the credit card debt.  that's fabulous, allie.  i hope you get the rest you need and your illness leaves you quickly.  love and hugs, sweetie.

alliematt

I did rest yesterday.  Now I need to get back to work. :-)