Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

[alliematt]

I have a running list called "the plate" as in, "too much on my".  The list is two-and-a-half 8 1/2 inch by 11 inch pages.

[sanmagic7]

is it any wonder you constantly feel overwhelmed?  i hope that you can find a way to reduce the amount on your plate.  sending you love, allie, and a hug filled with utensils to help you clear some of that stuff off your plate.

[alliematt]

Went to Weight Watchers for the first time in a while.  Gained weight.  Not surprised.  Have a bunch of pages to proof over the weekend.  My husband may be furloughed just in time for Christmas (he is a federal employee and there are threats of another government shutdown).  And I just keep feeling that who I am is just.not.good.enough.  It never is.

[sanmagic7]

i guess my perspective is a bit different, allie.  i think you're more than good enough.

dang, i hope that shutdown doesn't happen.  having that hanging over your head, with everything else, totally sucks.

wishing you care and comfort, sweetie.   love and hugs.

[alliematt]

And IN ADDITION TO everything else . . .

My son's church group party is tomorrow evening.
At the same time as the party MY church group is having.
My son's party is over 40 minutes from where we live.
To take him there and go to our party would require over an hour or so of driving.  And the same amount of time going back.
We only have one car, so it's not like I can take our son and my husband can go and I can show up later.
We're working on getting him a ride, but if we can't, either our son doesn't go to his party or we don't go to ours.
If we don't go, we miss out on some socialization.
If HE doesn't go, I get to listen to him obsess about Christmas parties (since he has autism, that's one way the autism manifests itself, is in obsessing over certain things), which he's already started to do.

It's not the overarching of "autism, health problems, finances, etc." that get to me.  It's the day after day after day after day of one thing after another after another after another that get to me.

[sanmagic7]

yep, allie, i hear ya.  it's so wearing.   

i do hope it gets worked out for all of you.  i really do.    sending love.

[alliematt]

My husband ended up taking our son to his party after dropping me off at ours.  He ended up staying at our son's party because from our party to his party, it was a ONE HOUR drive.  I got a ride home from someone at our party.  It is sorely tempting to say "I told you so".

Yesterday I stayed off Facebook and I did notice an improvement in my mental health.  Then I end up kicking myself, saying, why do you let social media and other things you can't control affect you like they do?? 

Thing is, there ARE things I can't control that end up affecting me (like a possible government shutdown). 

[Hope67]

Hi Alliematt,
I hope you don't mind my popping into your Journal - I've not been in here before (I don't think so) but I do read your Journal sometimes, and I just wanted to comment that I also find it improves my mental health when I take a break from Facebook - so I very much empathise with you on that.  Social media does seem to have some sway in some way. 
Hope 

[alliematt]

Hi Alliematt,
I hope you don't mind my popping into your Journal - I've not been in here before (I don't think so) but I do read your Journal sometimes, and I just wanted to comment that I also find it improves my mental health when I take a break from Facebook - so I very much empathise with you on that.  Social media does seem to have some sway in some way. 
Hope 

Feel free to pop whenever you wish, Hope. :-)

[alliematt]

Well, unless Mighty Mouse swoops in to save the day in the next 27 hours, the government will shut down and my husband will be furloughed.

We've already bought Christmas presents, we have savings, and we have a full pantry.  So we'll be OK for right now.  I'm actually handling THIS particular problem pretty well.  I just highly resent the way certain people LOVE playing games with other people's livelihood!

[sanmagic7]

amen, sweetie.


  hope that shutdown doesn't last too long.

[alliematt]

My husband encouraged me to take a day off.  So I drove up to N GA and enjoyed nature and waterfalls.  Came back and husband fed me dinner. 

[Three Roses]

You deserve it! 

[sanmagic7]

  for your husband, allie.  i echo 3r's sentiment - you deserve it.

love and hugs, sweetie.

[Hope67]

Hi Allie, Thank you for making me feel welcome to pop by - and I am glad that you have had a day off and enjoyed that trip to Nature and the waterfalls - and it's great that your husband fed you dinner when you got home.  Really nice.
Hope