Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

[alliematt]

Well, some rest and a "yell-fest" at my counselor's office helped today and I am feeling much better. When I talk about my sessions, I jokingly say that "I yelled at her for half an hour and now I feel better." I also did not get anything to proof today so I could rest.

[Hope67]

Hi Alliematt,

Just seen that you are back here, and welcome back.  Not seen you around for a while.  It's nice that you got a chance to get some rest yesterday, and that your session with your counselor helped too. 

Hope 

[Armee]

 

AllieMatt, even when there's logic to why everything falls on you, ouch, it is still a lot. I really hope your son's job works out well and once you show him how to take the bus there you can breathe just a millimeter easier.

[alliematt]

Don't know if I picked up a cold or if I got sick from not cleaning out my CPAP, but I'm spending another Saturday in my PJ's and may not be in church tomorrow. I'm sick of being sick. I did ask my husband to bring home some peanut butter M & M's for me. :-)

[alliematt]

Some extremely good news that also helps my mental health:

My son started a job yesterday!!!!

He is working as a bag boy at a nearby grocery store.

He's anxious, and I don't blame him because this is major change (he has autism, for those of you who don't know). He is working with a job coach and that will help him.

[Libby183]

That is really great news, alliematt. I can really relate to how positive this development is to your mental health.

I live with my son, who is mid twenties and on the autistic spectrum. About two months ago, he got a job in a small company that grows food. It has turned out to be a perfect job for him, and he has matured so much.

Wishing you and your son all the best in this new job.

[Armee]

This is great news! Congrats to your son, and you! It'll be a big change and those are hard, too.

[alliematt]

I headed off to the doc yesterday because I've been having itching that just will not go away on my left leg. It also looks ugly and discolored.

The doc took one look at my leg and told me I have statis dermatitis.  One symptom is fluid buildup, so he's told me to wear compression stockings.

My first thought was, "Compression stockings? That's what old people wear.  I'm too young for this!"

I'm glad that at least there's something I can do . . . but compression stockings??  Good grief!

[Hope67]

Hi Alliematt,
I'm glad that your doc has been able to help you find out what's wrong with your leg, and that there's a treatment for it.  I know you're wondering about the age appropriateness of the compression stockings.  I have worn some of these myself sometimes, and they make some for people to enjoy doing sport, and therefore they're not necessarily just for older people.  I don't know your age.  I'm in my mid fifties, and so I suppose I am older, though I don't feel older yet.  I feel much younger inside.  But I wanted to wish you the best with your compression stockings, and hope they are comfortable - and that your leg gets better soon.
Hope 

[alliematt]

I'm also in my mid-50's.  I just don't feel like an old woman.  I just measured my legs today and discovered that my thigh is larger around than Scarlett O'Hara's waistline in Gone With the Wind!

Today I am dealing with the proofing job from a certain very hot place down under, and I do not mean Australia. I am on page 68 of 166 pages.  It's taken me five and a half hours of work to get there. Whoever transcribed this from the audio did a poor, sloppy job. There were 261 places marked "inaudible", several places where the audio was mistranscribed, and too many places where the stuff didn't get transcribed at all. And a bunch of the inaudibles, I could figure out just fine.  I don't know if the transcriber had a poor sound system, lousy headphones, didn't understand a rural accent, or was just plain lazy.  Needless to say, I am not pleased.  If I'm not done by my usual bedtime, I'm sending an email to my boss and telling her, this will have to come in in the morning, and then I am going to bed.  I refuse to wreck my health over 166 pages of proofreading!

:: very deep breath : Once more into the breach, friends!!

[CactusFlower]

Hey Allie, I empathize with you! I'm 51, short and overweight. I literally can't find or afford tall boots that would fit my calves, not even special wide ones. i one bought compression stockings that were supposedly a 4xl and still couldn't get them on, so I gave up on that. It's like society thinks that if you're short, you can't also be wide. It can be so frustrating!

Nice to hear someone else does proofreading! I've done it as just a part of my jobs in the past, but I just put a gig on Fiverr to do it for some extra cash and am liking that. I can imagine how aggravating having to do extra work because of someone's sloppiness must be. I wish you luck with it and you should totally tell your boss! good luck

[alliematt]

It took five additional hours but I finished the proofing job from Hades. When I turned it in, I noted that there were a lot of inaudibles, dropped words, dropped sentences, and stuff that didn't makes sense. 

I've also told her I'm not taking anything until Monday.  . (I can set my own hours, which is one think I do like about this job. For those of you not aware, I proofread legal depositions for civil court cases.)

My son had an appointment with the naturopath today, a woman that we've had a long term relationship with, and he told her he just wasn't terribly happy at the job. I sympathize on the one hand. Since my son is autistic, change is difficult for him. And this past year and a half hasn't been easy on anyone at all.

On the other hand, jobs for autistics are not easy to find.

And on still another hand, I want to be unsympathetic and tell him, welcome to the club, kid, where you can't always work where you want to and you can't always do what you want!

He wants to be at home, with his routine, and he wants to be at church. That.Is.It. He had his heart set on working at our church building but there are two things in the way:  one, I'd have to drive him and it's a half hour each way; two, there are no jobs there.  I had talked to our groundskeeper while my son was still in school about him possibly having a job there. But last November, one of our staff people said from the pulpit that we weren't meeting our budget.  It's not fair to ask them to create a job specifically for my son when they aren't meeting the budget.

It hurts to see him unhappy and it makes ME unhappy, too.  And I absolutely don't know how to help him.

[alliematt]

After a few comments by my son, I think I know his problem:  He just plain wants his old routine back. He even told me that in so many words a few days ago.  I'm sympathetic, but I also know that curling up in his room with the electronics is NOT an option.  Because he's autistic, routine changes are harder for him.

Yesterday I was working on a LONG proofing job and texted my son he'd need to walk home (job is within walking distance).

His answer, straight from the police shows he loves:  "Copy that. I'm on my way."

[alliematt]

I have been sick since last Wednesday with a sore throat and am finally on the mend, except for a bit of nausea.

Yesterday I asked my son if he knew if he had to work tomorrow.  When he said no, I told him to go up to his workplace and find out. I also told him to walk (we live within walking distance of his workplace.) He did find out that yes, he did have to work today (he's having to labor on Labor Day.) For those who don't know, he's autistic.

Last night, I was struck by this horrible fear that something bad would happen to my son while walking to and from work. He knows to cross the street at the crosswalk and I believe he's smart enough not to take a ride from a stranger. (I am also able to track him on my cell phone; I do this for safety reasons.) I'm not worried that he will do anything unwise. I'm more concerned about what someone might do to him.

It took me a couple of hours to breathe myself and talk myself and pray myself out of this fear. Even now, writing this, the fear is coming back. Part of my fear is that I can't control so much of what happens; I can only control what I do and give my son tools to cope. And even last night, in the middle of the fear, I was able to talk rationally (this is fear, it will pass). What is sad is that my fear is not necessarily unfounded. The odds are against certain bad things happening to him, but it's unfortunately true that bad things do happen to people.

I'm also totally off schedule, from being ill, with my son working, my husband being off work, and me not going to church yesterday due to being sick. 

I'm not planning on throwing myself off a cliff. My job right now is to breathe and to hopefully catch up on chores that I have missed doing.

[Hope67]

Hi Alliematt,
I hope you are continuing to feel better, and recovering from your sore throat.  Hopefully the nausea is going away. 

Your worries for your son are understandable, and I hope he is safe and ok.

Hope