Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

Started by alliematt, November 25, 2016, 05:09:03 PM

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Hope67

Hi Alliematt,
Wishing your husband the best, and hope he remains free from covid.
Hope you are ok.
:hug:
Hope  :)

alliematt

My husband's been self-isolating for a week.  No one is ill. 

Emotionally, I'm not doing terribly well.  I'm sorry I can't seem to get any better. :-(

alliematt

For some weird reason, I went to a very dark place last night.  I'm still not sure why.  I don't know if something went haywire in my brain chemistry or WHAT? 

I do feel better today and I think an early bedtime may be best for me. :-)

alliematt

Well, already it's been a day!

My son's back in school and he called me saying he'd worn the wrong shoes.  The program he's in is working in an elementary school this year and they are required to wear non-skid shoes.  So I needed to go down and deliver them.
This was AFTER I realized that I couldn't make coffee because the lid to the decanter, which I need to put on top of the decanter in order for the coffee maker to work correctly, was in the dishwasher . . .which was running.
And events are just washing over me.  I am tired and burned out.

Hope67

Hi Allie,
Sending you a supportive hug, if you'd like to have one of those  :hug:
Hope  :)

alliematt

Thanks.  I'm crawling out of the black hole!

sanmagic7

glad to hear you're heading toward the light once again, allie.  love and hugs :hug:

Hope67

Hi Allie,
Glad you're heading towards the light.   :hug:
Hope  :)

alliematt

I have been taking advantage of the Labor Day holiday and . . . Laboring. :-). To be honest, between COVID and the election, I'm mentally exhausted and I figured doing some decluttering and organizing would help.  Plus I follow several YouTube channels that are actually about cleaning.  That's good motivation.

alliematt

Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.

I made a very bad assumption and I am very glad it was corrected quickly.

My sister texted me this morning saying she was a grandmother and sent me a picture of the baby. 

I was very happy for her but rather upset that no one had told me her daughter was pregnant.

Well, after I commented on her daughter having a C-Section, she said, it's not my daughter's.  It's my stepson's.

I keep forgetting that my sister has a stepson and stepdaughter from her current marriage.

And here I was going on in my thoughts about, you deliberately cut me out of the loop, how dare you, why did you do that . . . Only to learn that none of that was true. 

Here's what I will give myself credit for:
1.  I journaled my feelings.
2.  I decided to just tell my sister congratulations instead of reaming into her immediately.
3.  I did vent to my husband only and not on social media.
4.  I admitted I was wrong.

It is so easy at times to project things onto other people and assume that some things are true when they are not.  I'm glad I was wrong here.

Something that has also been helping me is the supplement gaba.  My son's naturopath recommended that as a way to calm anxiety.  I am still taking my prescription meds as well.

Not Alone

Quote from: alliematt on October 09, 2020, 11:03:45 AM
Here's what I will give myself credit for:
1.  I journaled my feelings.
2.  I decided to just tell my sister congratulations instead of reaming into her immediately.
3.  I did vent to my husband only and not on social media.
4.  I admitted I was wrong.

:cheer: :applause:

alliematt

WHOA!  It's been over a month since I've been here?

Celebrated an anniversary, a birthday, AND we finally got to go back to the church building after eight months!

Voted, and am glad that he-who-shall-not-be-named will be out of the Oval Office next year.

Yesterday I tensed up in front of the computer . . . I don't think this has as much to do with my past as it does that I've had a lot of work this week and it has been exhausting to try and keep up with it.  And even though my apps say "you're hitting your sleep goal" I'm not feeling refreshed.  I've been waking up at least once to go to the bathroom (normal for my age  ;) ) and I've been waking up around 3:30 a.m. and having a rough time going back to sleep.  Might be the time change more than anything.  Right now I feel tense because I will have to get to work soon, and I just think I may be mentally exhausted. 

Like I tell my BFF, I'm not at the edge of a cliff, and I'm not dealing with debilitating depression. 

alliematt

Okay, I may have screwed up and anxiety is rearing its ugly head.  I'm trying to sell an old court reporting machine to someone online; I have a possible buyer . .. and due to the person's first name, I was curious as to whether they are male or female.  So I asked and got the response, "odd question."
Which it probably is in this day and age. And it's probably none of my business but I was curious. 
Now I'm beating myself up for even asking. And maybe they'll get mad and not even want the machine. And . . . And . ..  and. . . See where anxiety is going?

At least I know it's anxiety that's talking to me.

And, today I have an appointment with an oral surgeon because yesterday, I had a dental cleaning with x-rays and the x-rays saw a shadow on my jaw behind my lower front teeth.  Of course, a Google search gives you worst case scenario. I'm glad I'm doing the appointment today instead of waiting.

Hope67

Hi Alliematt,
I hope your appointment goes ok. 
Take care,
Hope  :)

alliematt

Thank you, Hope.

The scenario I described in my last post never came to fruition.  I talked to the person's wife (the person turned out to be a male!), the transaction has gone through and I am a little bit richer (until we have to spend the money on bills and/or debt!   ;D )

The oral surgeon I saw said that nothing tingled her "spidey sense" but she does want to do a CT scan, which I have on December 1st.  One of her first questions was, do you grind your teeth? Which I do. 

Annnd, I also have a follow up with the urologist tomorrow (following up from my procedure last month.) 

I am still convinced that my purpose in life is to contribute to keeping the "health care" sector of the GDP healthy!