Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

Started by alliematt, November 25, 2016, 05:09:03 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

alliematt

I melted down last night.
I was triggered by a response to a post I made on another site.
It was a post relating to politics and the person responding used to go to my church. She was part of a group that left about four years ago. (I don't know if any of you have ever experienced a church split, but I have been directly involved in two and on the periphery of two more. It is one of the most painful things you can experience if you have a church you're active in and where you have friends.)
I called my BFF and started crying.
She has now arranged for me to get a break and come visit her.
I'm still tense from last night.
I'm exhausted and I feel alone. There are too many people I can't talk to.

Chart

Sorry to hear this Alliematt. Do what you need to do and take care of yourself.
 :hug:


alliematt

Yesterday I got unfriended by someone because I posted a link. She was the one whose response to that link posting triggered my meltdown.
(CW: Religious content)
She is part of a group that left our church a number of years ago and told me in her message saying she was unfriending me that she left because she didn't approve of the direction the leadership was taking our church.

This was a person I considered a friend, and it HURTS.
I'm still so angry, and I feel so hurt. And I feel like a total screwup.

Chart

I'm sorry to hear your pain Alliematt. It's a reminder of all our past wounds and the love we deserved but didn't get. You don't deserve that. A true friend doesn't do what this friend did. You haven't done anything wrong. You are being yourself and that deserves respect. "Unfriending" is not any of those things. But yeah, it hurts. Be kind to yourself.
 :hug:

AphoticAtramentous

Sorry to hear, alliematt. All of this must be so difficult... I can imagine all the different types of pain you must feel. :(
:hug:  if you're okay with it.

Regards,
Aphotic.

alliematt

#846
Here's an example of why I feel overwhelmed. Part of this is not a typical day but breaking it down, it's an example of overwhelmness.

Tomorrow I leave for Florida. My BFF invited me down because she thinks I need a break. I need to check in online after 10 a.m. today.

I have 211 pages to proofread that are due by tomorrow.
We were supposed to have pot roast for dinner tonight. My well-meaning husband made up a monthly meal list and noted that we had two pieces of pork loin in the freezer that we need to use up.
That pot roast will take maybe half an hour to prepare and an hour and a quarter to cook. To have dinner on the table by 5 or 5:30, I'd have to start dinner by at least 3:30.
I see my counselor at 1:00.
It takes around a half hour to get there and back.
I thought about grocery shopping today but if I have 211 pages to proofread, shopping will cut into the proofreading time.
I have to pack tonight.
And get to sleep at a decent hour because I will have to get up by at least 5:00 a.m. to get to our public transport by about 6:00 a.m. to catch a plane that leaves a little after 10 a.m.
The pot roast is also seven pounds.
It is not fully thawed.
It will not fit into any of my pans to brown before I put it in the crock pot or the oven, and I can't cut it up because it's not fully thawed.
And I also would have to peel the potatoes and slice the carrots to go with the pot roast.
It will not fit into our slow cooker, and I'd also have to brown it and cut it up before I put it into the slow cooker, and it will take 10-12 hours to cook in the slow cooker!
And I also don't know how long it's going to take to proofread the 211 pages.
And I also can't predict from day to day how many pages I'm going to get and how long they will take to proofread.
And I also need to shower, dress, make the bed, and keep up on laundry.
Because I'm at home when our son is, I'm the one he goes to when he has something he wants to show someone. That interrupts my "flow" at times.
My workload often keeps me from keeping on top of laundry, dishes, and other things; when they all pile up, I feel even more overwhelmed. The stuff like the dishes and laundry needs to be done DAILY (laundry sorted, washed, dried, folded, and put away).
I need help with managing all of it.
And my husband, with the meal list, thinks he's helping but I don't think he takes into account how long meals take to plan, prepare, and serve!
I forgot to mention that my son, at the moment, is LOUDLY humming and talking along with a favorite show!

alliematt

#847
I have a plan in place so lets see if it works!

UPDATE: Well, we've had to change the date for next weekend. Poor BFF is ill. She doesn't want me to be ill and I don't want to be ill! :) I'm disappointed but I can understand the circumstances.

AphoticAtramentous

Eep, that all feels overwhelming to read, let alone experience!! I'm sorry to hear you've got all that stuff going on.

Regards,
Aphotic.

alliematt

My FL trip was postponed for a week because my BFF and her husband were both ill with the flu. The husband was not only ill with the flu, but was also ill with pneumonia AND was hospitalized for several days. BFF is convinced that if he had waited a few hours more, he might have died.

I did have a good weekend. Unfortunately, yesterday we were hit with a one/two punch: 1) The car died and it will have to go to the shop tomorrow, and 2) unless the US Congress gets its act together, the government will shut down at midnight on Friday and my husband will go on furlough for who knows how long.


AphoticAtramentous

Sounds like a lot of crud going on, alliematt.  :stars: I swear sometimes these things bottle up just to hit us all at once.
I hope your BFF's husband is doing better now.

Regards,
Aphotic.

alliematt

BFF's hubby is better. I did make it down to see her and enjoyed myself.

alliematt

Since I've written so much bad stuff here, I decided to share some good stuff.
I think I may have finished a novel. That is a scary sentence to write because it means I will now have to do something with it!
I've sent it to a writer friend and I'm also researching editing possibilities.
:crossing fingers:

Chart