Is this CPTSD?

[JikokuNeko]

I was in a situation where I was exploited for everything I do for this group of people. I was also verbally and emotionally abused the entire year I was there, by people I was forced to share a room with, eat with, and sit in class with. I could talk to my parents on the phone but that was part of the very little positive contact I had during that year and even that became a vicious cycle because I would get depressed and be on the phone with my mom a lot but then I would get ridiculed for it and I would back off until that just made it so bad that I had to start talking to her all the time again. I've never been the most emotionally secure person from other incidents but since then everything has gotten so much worse. I am scared to make friends because I worry that they will just use me like the people who did before did. I don't know. It doesn't help that my only friends all seem to just want to have sex with me. They are good friends but does it say something that the only friend I have that isn't a guy (and wanting have sex with me) is the person I live with? And even then it took 6 months. My symptoms also seem to fit Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression but I am just desperate for something that makes sense. My life is good now, so there is no reason for me to be this messed up and I don't know what to do. I guess I'm just asking for advice because I don't really know where to go from here.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome,  JikokuNeko! We're glad you're here. 

My life is good now, so there is no reason for me to be this messed up and I don't know what to do.

Your present circumstances don't undo what you've been thru in the past. This is from http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/complex-ptsd.asp:

"During long-term traumas, the victim is generally held in a state of captivity, physically or emotionally, according to Dr. (Judith) Herman.... In these situations the victim is under the control of the perpetrator and unable to get away from the danger....An individual who experienced a prolonged period (months to years) of chronic victimization and total control by another may also experience the following difficulties:

Emotional Regulation - May include persistent sadness, suicidal thoughts, explosive anger, or inhibited anger; Consciousness - Includes forgetting traumatic events, reliving traumatic events, or having episodes in which one feels detached from one's mental processes or body (dissociation); Self-Perception - May include helplessness, shame, guilt, stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings; Distorted Perceptions of the Perpetrator - Examples include attributing total power to the perpetrator, becoming preoccupied with the relationship to the perpetrator, or preoccupied with revenge; Relations with Others - Examples include isolation, distrust, or a repeated search for a rescuer; One's System of Meanings - May include a loss of sustaining faith or a sense of hopelessness and despair."

Spend some time here, reading about our experiences, and you'll find similarities in us - difficulties in relationships, isolating, improper self-care, the list goes on. Simply being removed from a traumatic situation does not reverse the effects of that trauma.

You are worth the time and effort it will take to look into what you've been through, what led you there, and how to heal from it.

Keep reading here, keep asking questions. I'm sure others here will have insights for you as well.

Thanks for joining!