Sat on the bedroom floor crying.

[Manchesterford]

Im home alone (always home alone as separated in a town we just moved to where I dont know anyone) and its close to midnight here. I have been dealing with abandonment stuff following partners latest departure. It is hard, so hard. I had a good weekend with friends but as soon as I boarded the train home received a text to say my Mum is back in hospital. I feel terrified that another person I love is going to leave. I am home alone trying to calm myself and all the smoke alarms have decided to start intermittent beeping. So I am trying to change all the batteries, I havent enough. So I have been sat for about 30 minutes crying. Because I am sick of this. Because it is all so hard, because i invested 10 years of my life in supporting someone who now isnt here for me when I need help.

I just wanted to share because I hate that there is no one.

[Three Roses]

 

Bug hugs to you from across the Internet.

It absolutely sucks to give and give and not get it back, when you need it. It's exhausting and lonely and I hate it. It's so difficult and there are few in our lives who understand. We didn't choose this, we don't continue to hold on to the past. It holds on to us.

[Manchesterford]

Thank you xx

[sanmagic7]

i totally agree w/ what 3 roses said.  it sucks.  i've had too many of them in my life, too.  and i hate it right alongside you.  big hug.

[Sienna]

Manchesterford, hugs 
I wish there was more that i could do.
Abandonment is so hard, and living in a town where you don't know anyone. Loneliness is hard.
Im so sorry about your mum.
Sometimes everything builds up to incredible amounts. I don't blame you for crying.

I am sorry that your partner left. It is so unfair to put in so much only to be left. You don't deserve to be abandoned.
Its not the same at all, but i want you to know that we are here for you, on the forum.

[Kizzie]

Oh dear Manchester, I am sorry you feel so alone.  I am sending as much support as is possible across cyberspace    As Sienna says, it's not the same but you are not alone here in the forum so please hug that thought close and hopefully it will bring you some small sense of warmth and comfort.

[Manchesterford]

Thank you all for your love and support. This had been the most challenging and painful year of my life.  The world feels out of control and I feel so small and alone. I'm really grateful for you all x

[Sienna]

 

[Riverlad]

We didn't choose this, we don't continue to hold on to the past. It holds on to us. (Three Roses)

This morning I felt strong enough and thought I would not be triggered by viewing some pictures of a past love. Well that was another mistake. I know our time is finished though I still care deeply.

Manchesterford is it not so much that there is no one there? Or maybe the ones we want to be there, never will be and may never have been, that is so hard to accept.

Hope your mum is up and well soon. 

[Sienna]

Hope your mum is up and well soon.

Yes same. And hope your hanging in there ok too Manchesterford.

[quote Or maybe the ones we want to be there, never will be and may never have been, that is so hard to accept.

[/quote]
My gosh - yes. perhaps thats why we want partners and relationships we can never have.
Maybe we are unconsciously repeating patterns, as well as trying to solve what happened back then. Grief needs to be *about the right people*- the people this happened with in the first place.
That is eye opening to hear it written like that. Thank you!

[Manchesterford]

Riverlad- I think you are right. I'm trying to process that the person I gave my heart and ten years of my life to Is unable to love me back. It had triggered so much.

I've had so much to process. I'm quite exhausted emotionally and physically x

[Contessa]

Oh dear. Its perhaps the worst feeling to truly love someone without condition, who does not love you the same.

Here with you, lots of love to you Manchesterford 

[Manchesterford]

Thank you.  I'm realising it is not about me.  She just doesn't have it to give x