new and from the UK

[Tandme]

Hi all

I have not had a proper diagnosis for many years, but after numerous breakdowns, server anxiety and depression and because of the treatment I have received so far not really touching the surface, it has caused me to research what I believe mental health services have failed to recognise in me.  I got married abroad October last year and 2 days after, certain events and behaviours there triggered what I can only describe as symptoms of complex-PTSD.

Reading all the information so far about symptoms and experiences of CPTSC, caused a light-bulb moment and makes complete sense to me.  I tried to explain many times to mental health professionals and therapists i had previously worked with that there was something more than depression and anxiety going on, as i would often feel stuck in a state of feeling traumatised and in intense fear.

I had some traumatic childhood experiences witnessing physical abuse and neglect, being placed under care of my local authority into abusive foster homes, then at the age of 11 being adopted to a couple who had no idea what they were taking on.  I experienced most of my childhood in a constant state of anxiety and fear and layers of traumatic events have also been added in my adulthood.

It has been a long and difficult year or so and though some development has been made I seem to keep becoming retraumatised.  Because I am not suicidal I am unable to access psychiatric services, i am having to pay privately for therapy, our welfare system is trying to force me into attending work focused activities which I by no means feel well enough to participate in, all whilst accessing care and adoption records I feel necessary  to see, as part of my recovery in order to understand what is going on with my psyche and better recover.

It is so hard to have the strength to go through all of this and to have enough fight to access the help I feel I deserve and need, which keeps triggering my symptoms.  It is crippling at times and feels so unjust.  I just want to get well and to be able to get some normality and joy back in my life.

Sorry to sound so down

[Kizzie]

No need to be sorry Tandme, glad you're here and don't have to deal with having CPTSD on your own as much.  It's unfortunate that the disorder isn't as well known as it needs to be for us to receive the type of informed treatment and services we need.  There are some information sheets in the "Downloads" section under "Resources" that you might take to the various professionals you deal with. It is tiring to have to educate those helping us when we are struggling with the disorder I know, but until there is more awareness it's what we need to do. 

Welcome to OOTS and I hope you find some good support and information here. 

[Tandme]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I will take look at the info.

[flookadelic]

No need to apologise for feeling down! No-one arrives here in fine fettle ready to take on the world!