3R's Path of Recovery

[Blackbird]

 

[sanmagic7]

dear, sweet 3roses, both then and now.  what a gift you have given yourself and us.  no wonder you became exhausted!  it's hard enough holding this stuff in, but sometimes harder, still, to let it out because it goes against every grain of teaching we have learned from time immemorial. 

still, you pushed through those walls that have been built, both by yourself and by others, and that takes a ton of energy.  i hope you can give yourself a little break, breathe (as wife2 so wisely says), and rest.  you deserve it after all that hard work.  time to let your brain regroup and recuperate. 

and, i agree with your t (who, i think, is doing a great job so far) that your response to the present you was just fine.  more may come in the future, or it may not.  the 30-yr. old you may not have anything else left for the present you after all the running she'd done. 

keep taking care of you.  i celebrate your courage, determination, and strength.  i was also quite taken with the love you showed your younger you by calling her 'honey'.  i have no doubt that came from your heart, and it shows what a great heart you have.  that was a step toward intimacy with yourself.  the rest will come in due course.  big hug, my dear.

[Three Roses]

Thanks, all!

I feel very tired recently, and ache all over. It's hard to come up with words/language. I visited my cousin Monday and talked for the first time ever to someone in my family about my upbringing. Gee, do you think my tiredness could be related? 

I hope tomorrow is better, I hate feeling so drained & empty.

[sanmagic7]

yeah, could very well be!  i wouldn't be a bit surprised.  i hope you can take it easy on yourself, rest.  good for you for talking to your cousin.  i can't imagine how energy-draining that might have been.  big hug, 3 roses.

[Three Roses]

Rough therapy session today. It's hard to move, think, anything. But I think it's part of the process. I never expressed my feelings about my abuse, I guess it makes sense that it is overwhelming.

[Elphanigh]

I am here with you Three Roses. Whatever you need, if that is the warmth of a reassuring hug holding you in a space of kindness and safety I am there for that. Or to help offer you warm tea, or a kind word. Whatever you need, I am with you

[Three Roses]

Thank you

The past couple of weeks, I've felt like quitting therapy. The only things that stop me are knowing that probably means I'm on the brink of a breakthrough, and that I told my T I would talk to him first if I wanted to quit.

Today was a good day tho, but I've got another appointment tomorrow. Hope this one is easier on me. :crossedfingers:

[Three Roses]

Rough session yesterday. Lots of pain came up. I know I need to get to the anger that I know is inside. Spent the rest of yesterday in a daze.

I will use my tools I've learned, and read today. I feel so tired.

[Blueberry]

  Me too, I feel so tired. I had a good session yesterday, but it was rough too, if you see what I mean. I think it's normal to feel so tired after that. So much gets stirred up and has to find a new space and re-settle. I was really tired at the end of the session, then perked up again (adrenalin?) but today: I've been sleeping half the day. The most useful thing I've done all day is post on here.

[sanmagic7]

3roses, that sounds like some major progress, talking about that anger.  you are recognizing that it's in there, and acknowledging that you have to get to it.  you go, girl!  that was exactly how i started - it was a logical thing that it had to be there.  i figured it was in there, it had to be.  slowly but surely, i kept reaching for it.  i finally got to it, and it was great.

standing right beside you with this one.  i know it can be scary, but it's the roar, not the lion.  remember that story?  walk towards the roar, and you'll be safe - it only sounds dangerous, but it's really just hot air.  big hug!

that tiredness is normal - your brains/minds are working hard on this stuff.  blueberry, i beg to differ with you.  sleeping, giving your mind some rest, was extremely useful for you.  it deserves to rest, you deserve that sleep.  that's not wasteful sleep, that's replenishing sleep.  it's part of the healing cycle.  big hug to you, too.  you both are amazing! 

[Blueberry]

that tiredness is normal - your brains/minds are working hard on this stuff.  blueberry, i beg to differ with you.  sleeping, giving your mind some rest, was extremely useful for you.  it deserves to rest, you deserve that sleep.  that's not wasteful sleep, that's replenishing sleep.  it's part of the healing cycle.  big hug to you, too.  you both are amazing!

Thank you sanmagic, you're right! It's good you reminded me of this.
Sorry for the hijack, 3Roses.

[Elphanigh]

Three roses, I hope you are feeling better today. Thank you for showing me such kindness yesterday, even when you were having a rough day yourself. I am so glad you are working on the anger that is in there. That is such great progress 

[Three Roses]

Two steps forward, three steps back....

Have been in a long-lasting EF that I can't seem to shake. We are coming up on some rough subject matter in therapy and I definitely feel the strain. I think instead of divulging more of my background I'll take a detour if only for a while, and work on things he can help me with.

His background is in gestalt therapy and he says he uses it with all his clients. I can tell he feels confident about his knowledge and expertise and so I'm gonna let him take the lead for a while. He can't help me undo what's done, but he can help me learn better ways of coping, and more accurate ways of seeing myself. 

[sanmagic7]

sounds like a good idea to me, 3 roses.  i truly believe we are the best monitors of how much we can take and when.  sidetracks, detours, even putting on the brakes for a bit are not bad things.  you're keeping yourself safe.

man, those ef's can be a total gritch, can't they?  slowly may be what will help you most right now.  i think you're doing so good with this, 3 roses, i really do.  considering where you were when you were about to begin this therapy, and what you're realizing and facing now - that's an awful lot of progress to my mind.

one of the best trauma therapists i know has his background in gestalt.  i've always liked the idea of looking at the whole picture rather than just the pieces that are out of place.  so far, he sounds like he's been doing a pretty good job, but i'm also glad you're keeping your power as far as what you want to work on or with next.  well done.  big hug.

[Three Roses]

Saw this online today -

You are not a victim for sharing your story.

You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth.

And you never know who needs your light,
your warmth,
and raging courage.