3R's Path of Recovery

[DecimalRocket]

I vote for the party continuing as long as people are interested We could just hand it over to the next birthday person, and the next... how about that idea, Sceal?  happy bday

I read this online today and wanted to share it with all of you.

"today a friend said we need to stop apologizing on behalf of those we love, and it made me wonder what would happen if we did.

see, when you censor me, you tell me there's some of me that belongs in the dark, and it's not fit for public consumption.

perhaps if we quit letting Comfort call the shots, if we danced with Awkward though she moves off-beat, broken hearts wouldn't be so scared to speak."

Here's to dancing with Awkward

Man, that's a pretty neat quote! It shows a certain emotional courage to it that's touching. Thanks for it!

[Three Roses]

(Apologies in advance - this is kind of long.)

Feeling like I've been run over by a stampeding herd of turtles.

(Sorry, my weird humor is coming out, heh heh.)

My husband's birthday and my own are just a couple of days apart. I had a friend coming in from out of town to spend the night here for my bday, and then my husband's brother said that he was also arriving on the same day to spend some time with my husband for his bday, and I kind of freaked out a little bit. Okay - maybe a lot.

I don't know how I used to handle being social and taking care of things all day/everyday when I was younger. It's certainly beyond me now.

So anyway, there was all that to deal with, and an upcoming family get-together with my husband's family for the first time ever.  But it all came out okay! We laughed a lot and all the things that I was afraid could happen never materialized. I had a great time, and then yesterday had the last little bit of interaction with his family.

So today I am feeling completely wiped out. It's 10 a.m. and I'm still laying in bed. Even my voice is deep like I have a cold or something. Very physical reactions to the stress that I've been under for the past week.

I've spent some time this morning going back over my journal here and reading everything that I had to say and all of your amazing, supportive responses. I have to admit I started this journal not feeling like I really wanted responses. But now I see that was just another form of fear, and your responses have all meant so much to me and I welcome them now.

I feel much better these days though and able to stand on my own two feet, altho my emotional feet do get sore. These last few months have been a time of great growth and insights for me, and I feel better than I was feeling before. I feel more like my old self, only without all of the denial and lost memories. I may be ready to start therapy again. We will see.

[Blueberry]

Hey, 3Roses, I'm so glad it all worked out OK, having so many celebrations and visitors within a short time, but nothing you feared happening did. Yay 

Good to give yourself a rest after all that, good self-care.

also for feeling better able to stand on your own feet, and more like your old self. That's really big progress.

I like your imagery too hehe. Maybe when your emotional feet get sore you could prop them up on a passing turtle?

[Three Roses]

  

[AphoticAtramentous]

That's wonderful to hear Three Roses! Really happy it went alright for you. 

[sanmagic7]

 

[DecimalRocket]

 

[sanmagic7]

3roses, you beautiful, courageous thing, you.  stampeding turtles.  absolutely loved that. 

i'm just so glad you're feeling better, that you took that break, that you've worked thru enough to make a difference for yourself in a pos. way.  that's the best.   big hug full of laughter and love.

[ah]

Feeling like I've been run over by a stampeding herd of turtles.

I love your sense of humor.
As for aching emotional feet, I say we blame those turtles. 

[DecimalRocket]

It's great you're able to find peace in yourself and your family. And great that you're able to finally rest. Not just giving yourself a break physically, but emotionally too.

It's probably still not perfect, but that's alright too.

[Three Roses]

Sorry for the length....

As I was reading on the Forum this evening, I started to think about growth. The growth I've seen in you all, the growth I've seen in me. And as I let my mind wander down that path, I remembered hearing a story about an experiment that was done in which humans and plants all lived in a biodome without interference from the outside world. Everything seemed to be going well until they realized that when the trees reached a certain height, they all fell over. It was then that the scientists who designed the biodome realized they had left out the element of wind.

Strong wind pushes us around, buffeting us. It stings our eyes and makes us put our heads down, leaning into the wind in order to make progress. And yet, some wind is necessary, for without it many things would suffer, trees among them.

A certain amount of wind is good for clearing debris, removing dead branches that sap the trees' energy, and provides pollination to some plants. Wind moves the air so that it doesn't become stagnant.

There are certain circumstances where staking a tree is the best thing for it and for its survival, but staking a tree that doesn't need it can hinder its development. A tree that is unnecessarily staked will develop a weaker trunk, and may not be capable of supporting itself when the time comes. The natural movement of the tree's trunk in the wind also helps the root system grow, further strengthening the tree.

And, in the cases where you do have to support a tree until it's better established, there always comes a time to remove the external support and let the tree stand on its own. Gardeners tell us that this should be done at the start of the next growing season.

There are numerous examples in nature of struggle being necessary for our development: In most cases helping a butterfly out of its chrysalis will prevent it from ever flying; helping a chick from its shell is hazardous and can cause the chick to exsanguinate.

"Who among us doesn't long for a perfect growing environment for ourselves, with no disruptions from outside influences? We strive to avoid the times of contrast and tension, when life's daily challenges push against us. When they do, the normal tendency is to curse them. If trees could talk, would we hear them curse the wind each time they encountered a storm?" (1)

These last few years, life has been a struggle. Some days my biggest accomplishment has been getting out of bed, or eating a meal. The daunting task of just surviving honestly felt at times it was just too much of a struggle, and not really worth the hassle. But recently I've been feeling better, and I'm glad I pushed through. I'm happier, stronger, more compassionate.

Struggle is never fun but we can use it to strengthen ourselves, if we approach it from the right angle.

(1) http://www.naturalawakeningsmag.com/Natural-Awakenings/April-2015/Strong-Winds-Strong-Roots/

[Elphanigh]

I absolutely adore this thought process. Also thank you for providing a link as well. I am so glad that you are starting to feel better, and that the past few years of struggle are starting to break free. You deserve all the peace and happiness in the world. I am glad we can all grow together 

[sanmagic7]

growth can be a strange creature.  bend a twig a certain way for a length of time, and it will grow sideways.  put a seed in the ground and it won't grow unless it has what it needs, but when it does, the new plant still has to push and struggle to get out of the seed casing.

can we truly grow to be our best selves without struggle?  without challenge?  i don't know.  however, i, too, see so much beautiful growth here coming from struggles and challenges of intimidating proportions at times.  truly miracles.

3 roses, your growth has been a wonder to behold.  the human spirit is an amazing phenomenon.   

[Three Roses]

Thanks, you guys! 

[DecimalRocket]

That's a wonderful and magically vivid analogy, 3Roses. Growth is an amazing thing. It's one of the greatest things about being human to me — the gift of imperfection means there is always more room to witness becoming better. And it's a gift to grow with you guys.

It reminds me of a story I've read. . . of a king's advisor. There were rumors of the king's advisor gazing into something at night with utmost care, as if carrying something delicate. People have remarked that he must have stolen gold or other treasures from the king. In reaction to this the king called his advisor and in fury, commanded him to confess what he had stolen.

But what he had hidden was his old dirty clothes as a poor man and in surprise, the king asked him to explain. "I keep these to remember why and how I've come so far." And seeing this, the king asked him for forgiveness and said he would never suspect him so much again.