Dreams and other thoughts

[Spirals]

Hi, bring them all in

I can see why you would have nightmares about teaching. I think teaching is one of those careers that people think is easier than it really is. I feel bad for teachers. I have a lot of problems with authority figures in general and I think some of my teachers got to experience that firsthand 

I think what your therapist said about it being related to your childhood experiences makes a lot of sense, though. Did you feel inadequate and judged during your time as a teacher? Or is are these feelings "super-imposed" over your experience of teaching only during the nightmare?

It's too bad a lot of people around here seem to mostly have nightmares 

[Hope66]

Hi Spirals and Bring Em All In,

I didn't see your replies till today - sorry that I missed them!  It's lovely to see you both replied and I appreciate what you both said.

I have been dreaming this week, but the details won't come back to me, so they are not as vivid.

I think maybe I'll try writing them down in the night, i.e. as soon as I have had them and can hopefully remember them, as I have read that they can be messages from the subconscious - and I would be keen to think about the symbols and things relating to their potential meanings.

Thanks again for your lovely replies.

Hope   

[Hope66]

I've been wondering about what the themes of dreams can mean.  I think about a past dream which would occur fairly frequently where I would be on a boat or a ship and there would be tons of rubbish strewn around that vessel - and I would be out in the middle of the sea trying to wade my way through it. 

Similarly I sometimes had themes of being in very old large houses - like ones that might have been around in Victorian times - and I would feel uncomfortable there, wondering why I was there and what that was about.

When I was a child I used to dream quite frequently of being able to go around shops and just take anything I wanted from the shops - i.e. basically stealing as I wasn't paying for those things - and somehow that felt incredibly exciting.  I wonder what that is about.  I've been wondering about these things more recently, as they feel like themes that re-occurred in my dreams, and were therefore meaningful.

Can anyone relate to any of those themes, or do you have any thoughts on what they might mean?

Hope 

[Spirals]

Hi, Hope66

Sorry, I haven't been on lately. I had my first nightmare in a while about my family. I am taking some drugs that have vivid dreams as a side effect so I think it could be due to that.

Hmmm, I once had a dream about making out with the guys I was attracted to when I was in HS. But whenever I would get close they would change into a different guy. Oddly enough that's basically one of my fears about relationships but at the time I was having a lot of dreams about reaching for rewards that were always just out of reach so I always thought it was part of that theme.

The stealing one is kind of funny to me. I wonder if the stealing thing was about being able to meet your needs. Like you didn't have to feel guilty about taking what you wanted. I feel like PD parents tend to have a very conditional or transactional style of relationships. So maybe if your parents guilted/shamed you into being "good" but you still rarely got your end of the bargain upheld (your needs met) despite this, your subconscious was like "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could just take what we wanted without having to jump through all these social hoops!"

Just some thoughts...   

[Hope66]

Hi Spirals,
Thanks so much for your reply - and I just want to start by saying that I hope you're ok after the dream you had concerning your family.   

It's good to see you back in the forum, and I think your reflections/thoughts about the 'stealing' topic in my dream is really insightful, and I do relate to that - whilst my parents were able to provide basic needs like food, clothing - I felt like my emotional needs were NOT met - and I felt liberated in the dreams by being able to take things - the subconscious is interesting isn't it.

Thank you so much for sharing  your thoughts - I found it very helpful.

Wishing you the best,

Hope :-)

[Spirals]

Hi, Hope66

You're welcome I like analysing things  And it is nice to be back and see what everyone is discussing lately.

I'm doing ok. It was a weird dream. My parents had this gross biological fluid on them and were bald. Somehow they and my uBPD sister and uASPD sister-in-law found me at a hotel (I think I was on vacation) and I spent the whole dream trying to "escape" them. I avoid them in waking life so it's kind of humorous even my dream self does that, although after I woke up I was like "why, didn't you just tell them to leave?"

It was just one of  those    dreams. Lol.

[sanmagic7]

hey, all,

hope, i once read that houses in dreams represent your self.  perhaps the idea of being in old, victorian houses and not feeling comfortable in them relates to the old ideas and messages you were forced to live under that really weren't you, didn't suit your essence of being.

i've also been having a lot of dreams about people, dead, alive, imaginary (like from tv).  they have been wonderful, actually.  old friends that i get to see and hang out with again, my folks (who have been dead for quite a few years) who i can interact with in a happy way, celebrities that i just get to meet and have a lovely interaction with. 

whenever i've had these dreams, i've always believed that these people are visiting me, and i'm ever so glad to see them once more.  this has been going on for about 6 mos. on a regular basis, but has happened before throughout my life as well.   

just wanted to say that not everyone is having horror dreams.  i hope more of us can find happy dreams to enjoy. 

[Hope66]

Hi Spirals,

Your dream sounds interesting - and the theme of escaping from your family in your dream and it reflecting your choice to avoid them in daily life is something I definitely relate to - I have had a few dreams where my FOO have been chasing me.  I have been escaping.

Like you say, the choice to say 'Go away' doesn't appear to happen in the dream - maybe one day! 

Sanmagic7 - thanks for your reply - and it's great that you've been enjoying some happier content dreams - getting together with all kind of folks and enjoying some time in their company - I think I'd like one of those kind of dreams.  Maybe it will happen - and I'll have a great time.   

I experienced a dream last week where I really felt as if I'd reached a 'result' in terms of some element of my past that I'd been seeking and finding hard to locate - and it made perfect sense, but could I remember what it was when I woke up again the next day?  NO - and I felt really frustrated by that.  I really wanted to know...  It's like I'm searching for the missing links.  But I know that traumatic events produce fragmented memories, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to find the missing parts I want to find.

I found your comment about houses and the Victorian building really helpful - infact it reminded me of a time when I tried to write a story in a creative writing class, and the teacher told me that my style was like a writer from Victorian times - I can't remember the author's name unfortunately - but the teacher gave a name to me, and said I reminded her of that writer in that piece of writing. 

Personally I feel 'stilted' a lot of the time when I write - like I'm struggling to express myself.  Yet I also have the experience that when I read back what I've written at a later time, I actually wonder 'how did you write that?' so then I feel like it wasn't bad after all.   

Spirals - that image of your parents being bald with the sticky stuff/substance on them, it is a very powerful image - I'm wondering if it was like them being re-born - but it felt like they had an alien quality to them.  Just thoughts that came to mind for me, and I have no idea why.  I guess different images and thoughts conjure up different things for people.  I wondered what you made of their appearance and how that felt.  Please don't feel the need to reply to that, unless you want to - I am just wondering.

I might try to write down a dream next time, shortly after I remember it - like keeping a more active dream journal perhaps and see what themes come out - and I'll hope to share some of that here.

Hope 

[sanmagic7]

i'd think that if subconsciously, such as in a dream (even if you can't remember it) you came to a turning point about your past, that turning point is still there and will show itself to you in another way at another time.  i know it's frustrating not to be able to remember those things - that happens to me, too.

i do believe that something, somehow, will be different for you because of that dream - whether it's a perspective that's changed, a perception that wasn't there before, or a sentence you speak when normally you'd have said something else.  it'll happen.  maybe you'll even have the same dream and this time remember it, and consciously you'll now be aware of something that wasn't there before.

spirals, why didn't you just tell them to leave, indeed?  have you done that with them in real life?  or is the whole family dynamic too 'sticky' yet for that to happen?  no need to answer, just my curiosity making itself known. 

i find dreams fascinating and frustrating at the same time.  i do believe there's meaning behind them, tho, that our subconscious is often speaking what our consciousness dare not yet.  i don't know.  it's all interesting to me, tho.  take care, both of you.

[Hope66]

Hi sanmagic7,
I really like your reply - it makes sense, and I will be looking out for the changes that might happen, and I feel sure you're right that something will be different as a result of the dreams - I believe the subconscious is powerful and that dreams are a route to finding things that remain hidden from conscious view.

I am thankful that I've not experienced any night terrors recently - which is really good! 

I am still aiming to write down any dreams, but since I made that decision, bizarrely I don't remember any dream at all from last night! 
Hope 

[Hope66]

Last night I experienced a traumatic kind of dream where I felt as if my M was pressing my head hard against the bed and almost smothering me, and I felt as if my head was going to split in two.  I struggled to free myself, and in the process of doing that, I actually tore something (or felt as if I pulled a muscle/tendon) or something in my neck and shoulder, and it really hurt.  I was groaning and crying out in agony over that, and found it hard to get comfortable with the pain - I took painkiller in the end, and today I have a sore shoulder and neck.

I am NC with my FOO but they are often in my thoughts - almost daily, and I hate that they still have 'power' over me in that way.  I used to ruminate frequently, but the frequency has reduced, but there are certain times of the year that it gets worse, and this is one of them.  I am sure I'll feel better as the weeks go on, and I will just have to cope with a few extra disturbing dreams and situations for a while.  But being able to talk about them here in the forum helps me to process them and the comments and support is great. 

Hope 

[sanmagic7]

some of my dreams have changed in the past year or so.  people like my sister (who i also believe represents my daughter in  my dreams) who come at me to hurt me, i've begun fighting back, getting angry, standing up for myself, yelling at them to get off me, and doing all the things i never could do to/with them in real life.   i've felt empowered in the dream, and, remembering it, felt empowered in reality as well.  a very good feeling, indeed!

here's hoping for more empowerment dreams for us all!  cheers!

[Hope66]

Hi sanmagic7,
Yes, I hope for more 'empowerment dreams' too - they would be good.  It's great that you've been taking some control in your dreams, and I am thankful that my sore neck and shoulder are feeling a lot better already - so I am healing up well.   
Hope 

[Magnet]

This is all very fascinating to me. For contrast sake, I went the opposite direction. I used to have the most vivid dreams with full or mostly full recall. Full color, lots of details, remarkable adventures. Rarely would I get a real nightmare. (Could it be the nightmare was my waking state? esoteric question.)

My CPTSD comes from childhood abuse combined with the loss of loved ones. But in 2003 after my SO suddenly died, I stopped dreaming. It was like - slam on the brakes. My first dream didn't reappear until 18 months later, and that one was hard to recall. I was surprised I remembered a dream at all. I was sleeping only 5 hours every night at that time.

I had about one dream a year for several years. Then I started having about a couple a month starting about four years ago right before I remarried. The last few months I've had a lot of dreams and some are again, at last, vivid, but still not always easy to recall.

I do recall now some dreams that don't turn out so well but I seem to wake up calm. In a recent one I physically appeared to die and turn into a skeleton, still living I suppose, since I remember having something to say about it. I seem to wake up calm, but then my anxiety doesn't manifest as a fear in the moment. It's like a broken alarm clock that goes off unexpectedly, well wound, I suppose.   

My anxiety manifests when everything is all fine, as in inexplicable panics when things are almost ordinary. But that anxiety also has reduced more and more over these years. (I walk with my anxiety as a potential given in a more confident fashion because I'm more aware of it. )

I still sleep about 5 hours at a time before I wake up. I mostly go back to sleep. I consider that a relative success story. I hope you find a lot of nice sleep soon.

[Hope66]

Hi Magnet,
Just saw your reply today - thank you.  It was interesting to hear your experiences of dreams.  Thank you for sharing them.   I can see you're relatively new to the forum too - so Welcome.  I hope you are feeling supported and finding your feet here.  I was sorry to hear that your SO suddenly died in 2003 - that must have been so difficult to cope with. 

It's interesting that your frequency of dreams is much more again in recent times.  Your dream about turning into a skeleton sounds strange, and it's good that you woke up from that dream feeling calm.  Also good that you are getting some quality sleep - although I know I would struggle on just 5 hours.  I am lucky that I do manage about 7 and a half hours of sleep on average per night.

I've not had many dreams recently - only one last week - and in that one I was on a train in a foreign country - travelling - but wasn't sure where I was going or who with. 

Wishing you well and hope to see you around in the forum.  It's a very supportive place.

Hope