Summary of the longer threads + the definition threads

[schrödinger's cat]

As before, I'm summing up threads to make it a bit easier for new members to delve into things. PM me if there's any mistake you spot. If you want to comment, it's best if you do that in the original thread, otherwise this thread will become long and hard to keep track of. Thanks.

(I'm not planning to update every single summary all the time... OOF, can you imagine the work?! Yikes. But still, it's better than nothing.)

Keep in mind that these summaries reflect the experiences and opinions of forum members, none of whom are therapists. We're all sitting at the same table here.

EDITED TO ADD: done now. I'll leave the shorter threads un-summarized, because they're a lot easier to wade through.

[schrödinger's cat]

Thread: Emotional Flashbacks, started by Kizzie

A very quick definition by Pete Walker is in this post by butterfly.

Emotional Flashbacks (EFs) are often the hardest part of CPTSD. Symptoms vary from one person to the other, even from one flashback to the other. They can range in intensity from mild to terrifying. EFs can be hard to recognize, especially subtle ones with no obvious triggers: they often seem to come out of nowhere for no reason. The more we practice managing EFs, the less intense and frequent they will be. (credit: kizzie, keepfighting, badmemories)

In this post, Kizzie adds Pete Walker's "13 Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks". (Several of us mentioned that it's easiest to practice these steps for mild flashbacks, and almost impossible for really bad EFs. Maybe this gets easier over time?)

These steps may not work as easily for people whose CPTSD wasn't caused by physical abuse, mainly because it's then harder to pin down what precisely is "danger" or "safety", concepts Walker's 13 Steps rely heavily on. It's harder to spot "danger" because EFs can be triggered by innocent, normal things. An example: both pam and schrödinger's cat had a parent die or suffer because of medical incompetence, and both are left with a sense that visiting a doctor is threatening, even life-threatening. When it comes to being triggered by having to see a doctor, it's hard to find a simple "sense of safety" in the present, maybe because what we fear isn't a single abusive person, but doctors as such - the whole system. It doesn't help that many medical professionals haven't got good bedside manners, and that some can come over as very callous and controlling, which can be triggering, so again: no safety. Moreover, many medical procedures take away our sense of control, or doctors see it as their right to be implicitly obeyed and never questioned (again: triggering). We'd have to rewrite the 13 Steps to fit our situation. (credit: pam, schrödinger's cat, kizzie)

In general, the overt bullying type of abuse is often pretty obvious and therefore easier to see, admit, share, get empathy for, and harder to deny within yourself than covert manipulation, betrayal, or neglect. (credit: pam)

People around us may find our EFs confusing and upsetting. After all, EFs often make us react very strongly to triggering situations. When it comes to people we can trust, it may be a good idea to tell them about EFs. Next time we have an EF, we can then talk to them about it and explain that our "overreaction" is mostly about the past and only a little about the present. (credit: kizzie)

I get different kinds of flashbacks depending on what kind of trauma is triggered. More here. That makes me suspect I might need different coping strategies for different kinds of flashbacks. EFs that make me feel panicky and "not safe" might respond to strategies that create a sense of safety or let me feel supported and not alone. EFs that numb and dissociate me might - as kizzie suggests - respond to grounding strategies for staying in the moment.

On a related note, it's possible to have EFs that are different from the way we reacted to the original trauma. Example: we used to react with fear, but when we're flashing back to whatever it is we were so afraid of, we're mostly just angry. (credit: globetrotter)

One way of dealing with EFs is this. As soon as you notice you're having one, you could ask yourself: "What does this feel like? What does this remind me of? When I was younger I felt like this when ______." or say to yourself "This is just like _______." This could help you pinpoint the origin. (credit: pam)

Another thing you could try is this. Get out of your head, i.e. emotionally detach from whatever's going on, and observe. What are you feeling? (If you can't tell, accept that and move on.) What are you feeling in your body? Observe, then accept whatever it is as your current reality.  (credit: spryte)

Or try reminding yourself that you're simply just having an EF. You're seeing things in a distorted way because of that, but reality is still there, and the EF will end eventually. Or simply ask someone you can trust (and who knows about your CPTSD): "I'm having a flashback, can you tell me what's real and true?" (credit: spryte)

One of the annoying things about EFs is that they can be triggered by good things happening if our subconscious then starts to worry that it might be taken away from us. (credit: kizzie)

What about EFs that make us feel angry?
On the one hand, anger tells us something's attacking us, and it gives us the energy to go out and fix things / defend ourselves. Abuse of any kind feels like someone's reaching into you and putting toxic thoughts and emotions into your self. Anger pushes those back out. If you were stuck in Freeze Response, anger can feel empowering. (Anger as an "anti-freeze", as globetrotter said.) It gives you a backbone so you're less of a doormat. Feeling anger in an EF instead of shame, fear, rejection etc might possibly be a sign of progress - (a) a sign of our self-protection kicking in, and (b) a sign that our Inner Child is coming out and letting us know what she feels. (credit: schrödinger's cat, pam, kizzie)
However, anger usually covers up something else that still has to be addressed (sadness, frustration, hurt). It's hard to let ourselves be vulnerable enough to deal with those things. Being angry feels safer. It can feel like the other person wins if we get sad instead of staying tough and angry. So we have to make sure we don't get stuck in this stage of recovery and don't move on. Otherwise, anger can become a way of placing blame and increasing hatred (which only causes us more pain in the long run). (credit: pam, annegirl's therapist, kizzie)

Quote by Maya Angelou: "You should be angry. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn't do anything to the object of its displeasure. So use that anger. You write it. You paint it. You dance it. You march it. You vote it. You do everything about it. You talk it. Never stop talking it." And elsewhere she says, "anger is like fire. It burns all clean."

EF-anger (and all the other emotions that come up during an EF) can be of a different sort than when our adult self gets angry. In an EF, it's like your younger self feels angry, so the feeling can be more primitive and over the top. You might also get the kind of tunnel vision children have, where you're so stuck in the present moment that this becomes all there is and ever will be: you simply can't imagine things ever getting better, and your present discomfort absorbs you completely. Another flashback to how your younger self saw the world (at the time of the trauma) is a sense of feeling small, little, young, helpless, powerless, and fragile. -- It helps a little to keep in mind that this is a part of your EF, not accurate information about what's going to happen: it's how your younger self saw the world at the time you were traumatized. (credit: kizzie, Pete Walker in some of his articles)

To recover from CPTSD, we have to work through our traumatic memories and through our EFs (when the time is right). To do so, we can use the following techniques:
1. Angering, which fosters our sense of self-protection;
2. Crying, which fosters our sense of self-compassion;
3. Venting, which fosters a whole lot more things that I've forgotten about;
4. Feeling, which means simply letting the "negative" emotions well up inside us without instantly pushing them out the door again and double-locking everything.
(credit: this article on Pete Walker's website)

(This hasn't got much to do with EFs, but it's still interesting:) The 4F Responses can maybe turn into useful tools over time. Example: turning the Freeze Response into "acute observation mode", an anthropologist view of human behaviour and situations, with a Spock-like raising of the eyebrow and saying 'fascinating'. (credit: butterfly quoting Pete Walker and someone on OOTF)

EFs make life complicated. Many of us don't let anyone but their partners and closest friends know they have CPTSD, and of those people, not all really "get" it. So when someone asks us how our day was, we can't say "not well, I had an EF". If we said that, and if they then asked us "why, what happened", what would we say? So we edit the EF out of our response, and pretend we're fine. But that then feels like a lie. (credit: spryte)

[schrödinger's cat]

Thread What do your flashbacks look like?, started by schrödinger's cat

A long list of EF symptoms. (This isn't a diagnostic tool compiled by experts, simply a list of things that happen to members of this forum when we're having EFs. We thought it might be useful to become more aware of EF symptoms so we can spot them more easily.)

[schrödinger's cat]

Thread Glossary section for emotional flashbacks, started by kizzie

A description of emotional flashbacks for our glossary is in this post.

[Kizzie]

Many thanks for all your work on these summaries Cat!       and