Dee, thanks for telling me what you do to meet your own needs.
It totally sucked, but perhaps my latest act of taking care of myself was going to the emergency room and telling them I needed to be watched for a few hours. I could of hurt myself in some way, but I decided to communicate my needs. It was hard, but the next day I felt good about my choice.
Well, i think that is amazing. And very brave.
See, i can't listen to my inner child, but asking for what i need from others- that is a big no no for me. i mean, if I'm needy (inside, even largely hidden from myself), what if others see that?
I do think you have to take care of your own needs first- the child like ones that you never got, because someone else can't fill them- well, not completely.
Im sorry you had a similar experience in your relationship to radical.
I have had similar experience to you and radical, though from a guy only a year older.
He invaded my boundaries in more ways than one, and i have huge boundry lines that keep others out. But i thought him pressuring me to talk and be open when i just couldn't, was him caring, only it wasnt, and he couldnt accept that that is the way i am (due to trauma and being made to be that way).
But i also did things to control him, things I'm not proud of. I became like my mother. I needed to frantically control how i felt due to triggers and i projected that onto him.
I think i already do make my own decisions. I always say to my T, i know you can't tell me what to do, and taking the issue out helps.
I don't think my X liked that i used to *go against the grain*, I used to speak up when things were not going to fly with me so to speak. I had opinions and i voiced them.
Though when things were tough and there was a lot of trauma stuff coming up, i did one time do what he wanted, because i was in a double bind and i knew that whatever decision i made, he wouldn't be happy with.
I think i need to listen to what she needs. Makes sense, as she was rejected and shamed for having needs in the first place. So now i can't meet her needs. I think i need to know that it will be ok if i listen, and that she is deserving of that.
Im in a place of distrust that others would respond well if i communicated a need.