Hi new here and struggling

Started by Buttercup, December 30, 2016, 04:55:28 PM

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Buttercup

Hi

I'm new here and I'm desperate for any kind of help. I haven't had a diagnosis but I'm currently trying to get one.

I'm seriously struggling. I have parents that if you ever met and spoke to them you would tell me how lucky I am to have them, how wonderful they are how kind and generous they are.

They're not its all fake. I am not my father's he adopted me when I was very young they then went on to have a boy together and what can I say, he walks in the room and the sun comes up, he can do no wrong and is just perfect. The only thing I have done right is have children, however I had a surprise gorgeous funny little girl and having her has made me realise that my childhood wasn't great (I struggle to say what it was) to the extent that Ive recently found out that one of my aunties wanted to adopt me and took me away every weekend so that I had some time away from it.

They have very little time for my wonderful little girl. I'm crying while I'm writing this how stupid is that!!!!

They dote on my brothers children and on my older son but my younger son less so and my daughter a lot less.  My brother lives well over 200 miles away and I live within 10 miles and they see more of my brothers children than mine. I just can't stand it, it physically hurts me.

I just want the pain to stop if that makes any sense?

Obviously there is so much more but I don't want to bore you all.

I'm going to press post without looking back as I know I'll feel guilty and anxious about what I've written and I'll delete it. So apologies if I've rambled or got some spelling wrong.

If you've got this far, thanks for reading.

Buttercup

Three Roses

Hello, welcome Buttercup! I'm so glad you're here. :hug:

My parents were well liked, admired even, by their neighbors and friends. Or so it seemed. This made me internalize even more that the abuse I went thru was all my fault; if they were well liked, what did that say about me? After all, they told me it was my fault, that I made them do it.

So, I understand that eerie, unreal feeling you probably get when you watch someone interacting with your parents - do you think, "Who are these people?" I know I did. I'm glad you had a family member to take you away once in a while to get a break!

I'm sorry for the pain you are in. No, it's not stupid that this hurts you, and that you hurt for your little girl. Hurt people cry, and I'm glad you have that release. It's healthy. It shows how very much you love your kids.

Your story was not boring. I'm glad you posted it and glad that you've joined us. I read every word and am grieving for you that you didn't have parents who were emotionally fit to have you. :hug:

We won't be checking your spelling or critiquing your posts in any way. We are only here to listen and support, maybe share our insights if we have them. We only want you supported.

Again, thanks for joining and adding your voice here, and for the courage it took to post! :applause:

mourningdove

Welcome, Buttercup!  :wave:

I have/had fake fake fake parents, too, so i totally get what you are talking about. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. :(

bring em all in

Welcome to the forums, buttercup! Great opening post! I'm relatively new here but I've found everyone very welcoming and supportive. I look forward to updates on your progress and any questions/advice you have to share.

flookadelic

My parents were wonderful if you happened to be a born-again evangelic "Christian". As my siblings were, they only had the wonderful side. As I wasn't, I had the exorcisms and worse.  It's hard...a very real form of abandonment. Just to say I know exactly where you are coming from. I can't blame my siblings, not their fault. And they have no idea of what happened as I am the youngest by a long, long way. They had left home when the madness began. I haven't told them about what happened as I don't like to wreck their idealised image of our parents. As my parents are both deceased I would like the happy memories my brothers and sister in laws have of them to be unsullied.