Fear / anxiety - just come out of it

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi
I've just been through 'another difficult period ' unfortunately was over the xmas and new yr period .. did get to enjoy some of it though

Seems it started when I upped my driving lessons in preparation for a test - the stress seemed to tip me over
What with working over Christmas too and the frenetic energy that is Christmas, I've had a 2-3 wk period of
Fear/ anxiety/ hyperventilating
Constant worry
What I'm wanting to share is when 'it' gets like this I feel so helpless and like a child ... everything is too much, my brain finds it v difficult to focus and I lose all sense of control ... this then creates more panic and thoughts of 'oh my god I'm going mad, I'll lose my job then I'll be homeless
What is happening to me at these times I ask ? I am in flashback ? Am I dissociating .. I just don't know
Pete walkers tools on emotional flashback and also inner critic attacks do seem to relate
At these times I feel so out of control and not in my body - everything feels hard and I feel in psychological terror- life threatened - actually yes in trauma 
Also so alone
This time it sure did last a lot longer than usual
I did all the right things did my 12 step meetings , calls - stayed sober and abstinent - kept balance doing gentle things too enough rest -
But really what it felt like was I was clinging to the edge of sanity

Can anyone identify ? Shed some light for me

So grateful to be out of it now ! Feel back to normal and not clinging to trying to cope - things feel easier again
Grateful for you all , a new yr , my home , comforts , money , friends , family
Hope , growth but most of all just for today sanity

[mourningdove]

Hi Boatsetsailrose,

Glad that you are out of it now - whatever it was. To me it sounds like it could have been an EF? It definitely sounds like there was a strong element of catastrophizing that I recognize from my own frequent EFs. I spotted that right away, because it's very common for me to get triggered by something and start a fear spiral that ends with feeling certain that street homelessness is imminent.

I'm sorry that you felt so terrified and alone.

It sounds like you really did a remarkable job getting through it all. I think you deserve a lot of credit for handling it so well, and I hope you continue to feel better. 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you mourning dove

[EverPure]

I had one of these flashbacks today, horrible. Literally feeling very unsafe and had to sit with it, work my way towards being comfortable. Very difficult to deal with. You did well to manage it.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi ever pure ...
the story did continue .. I've not worked since Jan .. have gone back on an anti depressant
Now have been diagnosed with complex ptsd and v thankfully waiting for trauma therapy

Yes it's the feeling unsafe isn't it , like life is at stake.. that timeless part of the brain/ younger yrs that indeed was under threat .. experiencing as an adult with the ability to see it and know what it is in some ways for me makes it more difficult than the original .. I'll be relieved when I'm in therapy
Did u manage to quote ' work your way to comfortable ?

[EverPure]

For now yes, but it's still unsettling. While I'm not in the grip of fear right now I don't exactly feel secure either. But better than where I was a year ago and even 2yrs ago. 2yrs ago I was fighting everyday to not feel like I was going to die at any moment. A year ago I had intense episodes of fear but they came and went. Today was a milder version of that but still very unpleasant.

[sanmagic7]

i've just been going thru the fear/anxiety thing in the past few days with some new realizations about myself, and some new feelings making themselves known.  felt extremely unsafe, very unlike myself of the past when i was fearless (that's one of the 'new' feelings i've been experiencing lately).  it is tremendously unsettling, was very disturbing to me. 

today i feel better about everything, which is a blessing in itself.  learning more about the real me knocked me head over teakettles for several days.  i didn't relate it to my childhood anxiety until just now, so thanks for posting about that.  gives me even more to think about. 

i know this will be a good thing when it's all said and done, and i become more comfortable in my new skin, but i was feeling pretty raw and absolutely hate the process of going thru it until i can get to the other side.