Starting Recovery

[tryingtothrive]

I recently joined this forum; I'm a young adult who's trying to get better. In the past, I've been diagnosed with both an eating disorder and depression. While I've managed to stay virtually symptom free in terms of my eating disorder, I've been perpetually depressed for the past year and a half. I've known about the unhealthy dynamic in my household for years, and had found out about C-PTSD in the past few years as well, but blocked it out so I could function normally.

I'm currently an exchange student living in a different country for a year. I'm living with a host family and attending school and that sort of thing. Because of the stress of exchange, and the fact that I'm finally out of the house, I've been struggling. I frequently have crying jags, feel useless, and so on. I've had a bunch of emotional flashbacks, I may not be eating properly, and my memories have started coming back--even though most are benign, it's terrifying. I'm not really able to be present in my everyday life to the extent that it requires. I'm trying to have compassion for myself, but it's hard because it's not as though I can just go around saying "I was abused by my parents," you know?

I think I need therapy specifically for C-PTSD, and while I'm sure I could function the next five months without it, going through this alone is taking an immense toll. While in some respects I think it would be better to go back to my home country early and start therapy in person with someone there, I'd be living with one of my parents, and thus picking up the slack for them in terms of taking care of my siblings. So that's clearly not ideal. I think the best case scenario would be to have virtual sessions with a therapist until I return this spring, but I really don't know. I feel so overwhelmed.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, tryingtothrive! Glad to have you with us.

This forum is a great place to start to acquire knowledge about CPTSD and tools to cope. A place to "speak" your deepest thoughts and fears, and be listened to and validated instead of shamed.

Check out our downloads in the Resources section; many of us here have found it useful to have material to give to doctors, etc. as there is still much disagreement and misunderstanding about CPTSD. (I had to tell my therapist that "complex" didn't mean complicated.)

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you - thanks for joining! 

[Dee]

I have major depressive disorder, anorexia, and CPTSD.  It is all related.  It has been vital to my recovery that my dietitian and therapist work together.  My therapist needs to watch my ED to monitor my stress level and know when to move forward and back off.  I believe in online therapy, but I cannot see how that could work with someone who also has an eating disorder.  Perhaps a few sessions with an online therapist can help you make decisions about what you need to do.

I think the most important thing is that you take care of yourself.