Dealing with Christmas and New Years

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Kizzie

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #15 on: December 20, 2019, 06:55:37 PM »
Sorry, should have named the organization which is called "Stand Alone":

We're here to help people of all ages that become estranged or disowned from their family or key family member. It's unfortunate that not all adults in the UK have a close and functional family experience. Our latest research from Ipsos MORI shows that 1 in 5 families in the UK will be affected by estrangement and over 5 million people have decided to cut contact with at least one family member.

However long an estrangement lasts, we understand how difficult it can be to endure the silence, the stigma and the isolation that can stem from living without a close family network.


It might help Boats and the other one I really like in the UK is Body and Soul:

The therapeutic relationship with Body & Soul starts as soon as someone registers. It is underpinned by two very robust and well-understood clinical ideas:

Increasing connection we know isolation heightens almost all individual difficulties, so we invite members into a supportive community of people who live with similar challenges

and a trauma-informed environment our programmes offer a variety and choice, run from a building designed to be as calm and soothing as possible, full of staff and volunteers trained in the multiple complex effects of trauma and adversity, whose primary role is to understand each persons own unique experiences.


We may not have our families of origin but perhaps through orgs/programs like these we can get a sense of belonging in safe, supportive, trauma informed communities. I don't know of any in North America but sure hope these kind of organizations/programs do become available.  I would definitively go.

I hope all goes well with the family you did reach out Boats  :grouphug:   

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #16 on: December 21, 2019, 03:24:04 PM »
Thank u v much kizzie really appreciate your explaining and links..
I hadn't thought before of looking for support around estrangement..
Inferesting that in my UK city there is an organisation for parents and grandparents.. Luckily stand alone holds workshops in Bristol so that's great news...
Body and soul looks a really lovely organisation...
Yes prayers for nrth America to gain similar

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Kizzie

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #17 on: December 21, 2019, 04:44:09 PM »
 :hug:

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Ecowarrior888

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #18 on: December 23, 2019, 07:05:33 AM »
Thank you for this. I feel like my mind is on overload. Constant flashbacks, and im injured now so cant even distract myself with my job. Trying to figure out what to do with my husband on christmas and new years. This year I am at a place where yes, CPTSD symptoms are being loud but also my husband is triggered by his own trauma. Its hard to handle mine and try to help him when he is in denial.  Im so overwhelmed

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Kizzie

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #19 on: December 23, 2019, 06:01:26 PM »
Very sorry to hear this Ecowarrior  :grouphug:   

Perhaps it would help your H if he joined another online group for CPTSD?  The CPTSD Foundation has several - https://cptsdfoundation.org/safe-support-groups/.  It's somewhere he can get support and encouragement and release some of the trauma when you can't help one another.   

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Blueberry

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2019, 07:52:22 AM »
I wish everyone on here a good Christmas, in whatever way it is good for you. Peaceful or under a weighted blanket or sleep it through or treat it like any other day. Alone or with friends or even with a supportive FOC.  :grouphug:

I celebrated Christmas mostly yesterday and I enjoyed it, as I did last year too. Zero contact from FOO certainly helps in my case.

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woodsgnome

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #21 on: December 25, 2019, 06:39:33 PM »
I tend to think of Christmas, indeed about lots of things, in terms of metaphors, or symbols. Of course, there's a ton to choose from when it comes to all the aspects of Christmas, and some are so personally painful I wouldn't want to venture close to them, at all, ever again.

I don't have a tree in the house (hint: I already live in a pine forest  :bigwink: ) , but I recall a place where I worked once which had one. Occasionally, a bulb would break, smashing into millions of tiny shards impossible to repair and thus discarded.

I kind of see all of us on here as being like those pieces. Except -- we're repairable, and it's what we're trying to do by hugging each other via the words we put together around our often jangled thoughts about what we've endured and where we can find ways to move forward.

In a way, it's like the Japanese art of kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired not just to use again; but to make better and way more beautiful than ever.

That's what I see going on here. Yes, the shiny bulb broke; but guess what -- we're here, we're good people, we will pick up the pieces, and each and every one will be transformed into works of enduring beauty.

I guess that's my Christmas wish for everyone who reads this.

 :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #22 on: December 16, 2020, 11:33:40 PM »
I'm bumping this old thread because I'm sure there are members on the forum who would be helped by it. In fact I've skimmed it too and smiled at some.  :)

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Bermuda

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #23 on: December 23, 2020, 09:50:43 PM »
This holiday, that I will leave unnamed, makes me feel downright weird. I feel lost, confused, and non-existent. I suddenly have no sense of self because I have no traditions and don't want to observe many for ethical reasons, but also don't want to be that person who is not happy. I have thoroughly researched how to 'holiday', and it leaves me empty and confused.

Note to self on how to cope:
Just do or don't do those things that you feel like doing. Let it be a matter of feeling and not preference. You don't need a well thought out theory or reasoning.

'The unnamed holiday' only has the personal significance you give it. It can also have none.

Remind yourself of yourself from time to time. Maybe draw a sense of self portrait. I heard it can help.
« Last Edit: December 23, 2020, 09:52:32 PM by Bermuda »

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marta1234

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #24 on: December 24, 2020, 06:09:20 PM »
Thank you Bermuda for your words  :hug: sending you care as always  :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #25 on: December 25, 2020, 08:41:00 PM »
It is so hard to get away from the notion that everyone is having fun and celebrating but you, especially  during this particular holiday.  That's what trauma leaves us with at best, and at worst feeling triggered/ depressed.

Over the years here members have found making it a "Me Day" can be helpful; that is, figure out what makes you happy or content and do that.  My H and I saved up a new season of a couple of favourite TV shows we enjoy so we could watch during the holidays.   Our 'tradition' has been to go see an action movie on Christmas Eve (started with Die hard way back when), but we can't do that this year so we went for TV shows.  Started with The Mandalorian last night and will move on to The Boys after that.

As hard as it can be to think of ourselves, to figure out what makes us happy (doesn't have to be big, expensive or elaborate),  and then doing it can become a beloved/fun holiday tradition.   

I hope you can find one or two things that become traditions Bermuda  & everyone else who finds this season difficult.  Tks for bumping this thread BB!  :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #26 on: December 21, 2021, 06:42:16 PM »
Bumping this again.

There are links on here, as well as wise and kind words from Kizzie and others on managing Xmas / New Year's.

Some years I think there's been an Xmas thread on here or an Xmas or winter solstice celebration over on the Healing Porch. There are also likely to be at least a few mbrs on the forum at Xmas, including myself. Though if you're really in despair please reach out to a professional.

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Kizzie

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2021, 05:30:02 PM »
Tks for bumping again this year BB!   :hug:


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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #28 on: January 06, 2022, 10:38:12 AM »
Hi all
Happy to report Xmas was ok ...
Much healing happened last yr ..
New yr was a bit tricky but got through

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Kizzie

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Re: Dealing with Christmas and New Years
« Reply #29 on: January 06, 2022, 04:12:49 PM »
Hi Boats, it's been a while - happy to have you back and that you experienced a lot of healing last year.  :thumbup:

It's sad to me that so many of us describe the holidays as ok or having gotten thru them. COVID doesn't help of course, but it's our trauma that often diminishes or takes away the joy/fun that we should enjoy - so emotion filled  past and present.

Anyway, not to leave this on a negative note, welcome back & so glad you are doing well  :hug: