If You Developed CPTSD in Adulthood

[Kizzie]

There have been a number of people who developed CPTSD in adulthood (versus childhood) who have reached to me about making more of a distinction between the development in childhood and in adulthood.  I have been thinking this myself as I suspect there are more in the latter category than I and others realize.  One example is from my country where our federal police force (RCMP) recently settled a large class action suit for sexual harassment of female officers.  For many it was years of ongoing interpersonal trauma from which their only escape was to quit.  Just one of many examples I've been seeing lately - refugeeism, divisive, corrosive politics in the US, UK and elsewhere ......

If you developed CPTSD in adulthood for whatever reason, please know you are welcome at Out of the Storm. We hope you will find comfort, support and helpful, relevant information about the disorder here. 

[Lycurgus]

Thank you Kizzie

One of the issues I've been having is the tremendous focus on childhood CPTSD - both causes, examples, situations etc.  It makes it very hard to discuss with significant others or family when the traumatic event occurred in adulthood.

Is it worth creating an adult focused board to discuss?  Do others share similar difficulties in this regard?

[Darlenec1963]

  I believe I developed CPTSD in adulthood from being with a Covert Narcissist for 11 years. The constant emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse took its toll. I really didn't know what was happening to me, and now I find myself completely drained of who I used to be. I'm unable to make decisions and I feel completely lost. The shame and confusion I feel because of the constant gas lighting and verbal battery have left me reeling. I now see that I was the perfect sitting victim for his abuse because of my childhood with a bipolar alcoholic mother. Being the oldest daughter of six children put me in a terrible position as a child having to care for her younger siblings. But alas, I had pretty much put it behind me and led a "normal" life. Getting my education, marrying a good man, and having two wonderful children. I knew that my behavior and future depended on me owning my own actions. Then, after my divorce, there was the predictable guilt and worry and a little shame as well. That's when the covert narcissist came into my life. At first, of course he was a wonderful man. It morphed into a constant barrage of Narcissistic Abuse. Look it up. It ain't pretty. Calling me a terrible mother. Beating the dog and telling me it was my fault because I didn't do what he'd ask. Firing a gun near me because I "wouldn't shut up". On and on ad nauseum. I constantly tried to please him, but there was no winning because the rules always changed. Exhausting, to say the least. There were many break ups and back together cycles over the years, and recently I had finally realized what I was dealing with and how screwed up I now am. And how vile and abusive he was. Of course, the rest of the world thinks he's "such a nice guy". (They call it "covert" narcissism for a reason) So I have finally gone no contact and gotten away from him, but still find myself in a constant state of anxiety and hyper vigilant fear of the future. Frozen in fear I call it.  I have a therapist who has validated what I suspect is Complex PTSD, and we're working on my recovery. So there's my story. I joined this group as an addition to my therapy. I'm searching for all the help I can get.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, Darlenec1963! Thanks for joining

[Contessa]

Such a great idea Kizzie.

I do identify as someone who has developed cptsd as an adult, and would love to meet others as well, though I'm sure that I already have. I'll admit there are some aspects that I do not understand, for instance the inner child.

A section on the forum for adult development of cptsd would be lovely

[sanmagic7]

i also believe my c-ptsd developed in adulthood.  too many years of constant abuse from 2 hubs and daughter and therapist.  i may have been depressed and anxious from childhood stuff, but the actual c-ptsd didn't set in, i don't think, until i was much older.  i've also been frustrated by looking at sites about c-ptsd where they focus on childhood abuse, especially physical and/or sexual, and i've never been able to relate to that. 

[Kizzie]

Hi and and a warm welcome Lycurgus and Darlene     Hopefully this forum will give you a safe place to share about developing CPTSD in adulthood.

[lillwall79]

Hi there!
I also developed CPTSD in adulthood. Was in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 yrs. My cptsd did come two yrs after I left him and was triggerd by an incident with my new man after we had our son. I´ve been living with this for 3,5 years now and I feel so tired and frustrated.

My foo does not get this at all and treats me like I´m having a light depression. I had an incident with my sister last week, she didn´t want to understand a thing from my perspective, and now she is punishing me by closing me out and not talking to me at all. She wants me to say I´m sorry but I did not do anything wrong. Both my sisters does this to me when I say something that doesn´t suits them. So after this incident I´m having a really bad week, with really bad thaughts and my anxiety is constant day and night. I´m just so tired, feel like I want to go and hide in a cave from all pepole in the world, for the rest of my life! If I didn´t had my husband and son, I probably would.

My husband is the best and helps me so mutch. But that also scares me every day because I get so afraid that he will get tired of me and leave me. I get paranoid and think he is seeing someone else mutch better than me. I also fight my flight mode everyday, I just want to escape somewhere else, to the end of the world or where ever. I want to move from my hometown because there is just som many triggers everywhere but i don´t know if it will help me or if I will feel just the same wherever I live? Does anyone have any thaughts about me moving if you think it will help? I live in a small town so there is memories pretty mutch in every corner! When we leave for vacation I feel so mutch better most of the times but when we comes home it´s like meeting a 100 ft black wall hoovering over me

Sorry if I misspelled words, I´m not from an English speaking country.

[Kizzie]

HI lillwall and a warm welcome to OOTS     Not to be concerned about your English, it's just fine     Living someone who has NPD is wearing to say the least.  While I developed CPTSD in childhood, I was still in contact with my NPD FOO up until my fifties and that took a huge toll until I figured it out and went NC/LC. 

It is difficult for those who have not lived with it to understand how traumatic living with someone who has NPD can be, what it's like not to have firm ground under our feet because we face the whims of the disorder on a daily basis, never knowing what is going to come our way.   There are some information sheets about CPTSD in the "Resources" section under "Downloads" that may be useful in trying to help your family understand what it is you are dealing with. With respect to moving, that is an option to reduce being triggered, but ultimately only you can decide if that's right for you and your family. 

On another note, please give this forum some time as it is new and there aren't too many here just yet who developed CPTSD in adulthood. I think more people will join in once they realize it's here.   

Glad you found your way here and please keep posting 

[sanmagic7]

living in a small town can certainly be triggering.  the choice of moving, i agree, is with you and your family.  as you continue in recovery, i'm thinking some things will be made even clearer for you.  best to you with this.  it's not an easy place to be in.  hugs.

[PhoenixRising2015]

I'm glad I found this board. It was suggested in one of the "Out of the Fog" forum replies so I thought I'd check it out since I'd had good luck there so far as well.

Interesting (though sad as well) to see others post about their CPTSD that was caused by a narcissist.  Mine was a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath as well. 

I'm also working with a therapist and am hoping this will be another outlet and resource for me.  It's hard to talk about it with friends/family sometimes.  They're sympathetic and supportive but sometimes I feel like they just don't exactly what I'm talking about.  I'm hoping to find some insight into others journeys and their roads to recovery.

Best of luck to each of you & Take care of yourself

[Three Roses]

(Welcome, PhoenixRising2015! )

[Kizzie]

Yes, welcome PhoenixRising!  I hope you find some good resources and support to help you on your journey 

[Nicole13130]

I developed mine in adulthood. Mine came from abuse at the hands of my employer who showed all the symptoms of having a personality disorder. I wasn't his only victim and the ones that I met or talked to show long lasting mental problems from the trauma he inflicted. He dropped an atomic bomb on my world.

[mamato3]

Thank you for this post. I developed CPTSD after an emotionally and physically abusive marriage to an NPD man. We are now co-parenting our 14 year old son. Every conflict is a trigger and everything is a conflict. It's exhausting.