Made a decision - feels good :)

[Eyessoblue]

  lovely to hear from you. Had a few major setbacks of late basically been re traumatised so anxiety levels have been horrendous. I'm with my trauma psychotherapist now though and I'm in the early stages of getting ready for EMDR, just working through a trauma line then finding what to work on. Focusing on finding a safe place within myself so I can mentally retreat there when I need to, that is really hard though. Feeling horrible and weak at the moment but trying to find the positives out there somewhere.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi eyes so blue
Glad to hear you have started working with your therapist ..
I understand that anxiety re trauma - I did a bit of work with a body therapist and she taught me that grounding exercises are very important for us ... also to do the a-z game to get back I into the logical mind and out of the emotional mind so for example I use boys names ( anything can be used)
Gabrielle Rothschild can be looked at for the grounding/ body work in ptsd , it really has helped.
Ah yes the safe place - the place where none of that stuff touches us - for me it's my heart and talking to myself very gently and kindly ..
does your therapist help you to find that place ?
Yes I understand feeling weak and for me that's where I really take care of myself and talk to myself gently, like my own very very loving parent/ friend
That's what I find when these times hit that we find so much strength in that feeling vulnerable. That is where the strength is. But I don't like feeling weak, I want to be strong and together , but I'm learning that is where my weakness lies as it's the me behind that that needs my love ..
Sounds like you are right where you are supposed to be and are giving yourself the best chance to start really taking your healing journey.. you are brave and an inspiration ..
x

[Boatsetsailrose]

Apologies it's babette Rothschild not Gabrielle
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Keys-Safe-Trauma-Recovery-Take-charge/dp/0393706052

[Bee123]

Hi bee 123
I'd reached a point where I just couldn't carry on and am v grateful that I get sick pay.. so I haven't left as such, yet, but I have made the decision I won't go back to that particular job. Getting long term sick pay gives me a grace period of looking at my options. I can appreciate that not everyone is in this fortunate position.

Are you looking at getting another job or can you have some time off ?
Has the work impacted your mental Health  further ?

Hello boatsetsalerose,
It's good that you have a support system. We only have limited sick pay here anything beyond that is unpaid. (Based on discussion with my T) I started part-time teleworking this week, thinking that might help ease and eventually prepare me to go back to work full time, but from where I stand now... is not looking good.
I love what I do, I am good at it, but the current environment & dynamic at work mimic the exact trauma I had (and still experiencing).

[Boatsetsailrose]

Sorry to hear this bee
Yes the environment is so conducive or not to our cptsd symptoms ..and we are then cornered to make decisions that don't impact us so much. While this is hard to go through it is a loving action we take for ourselves hey..
it might be worth looking at the benefits system / sick pay / disability further to see what u may be entitled to ..
My idea is to go and do agency work in the future so I am not stuck in one environment ..
Maybe a different environment for you but the same work ?

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you boatsetsailrose, I will look into that, keep me updated with your progress always good to hear from you.

[sanmagic7]

hey, eyessoblue,

some therapists also talk about a 'calm' place inside us, or in our imaginations if a client is having difficulty finding a 'safe' place.  so many layers of trauma can make thinking of a safe place nearly impossible.  my calm place is a small cabin on the edge of a lake surrounded by trees, fire in the fireplace, water lapping on the shore.  it's not only visual, but the repetitive sounds of the water and the crackling of the fire engage more than one of my senses for me, which is helpful. 

i like bssr's idea of the heart being a safe place.  we do have good hearts, strong hearts, caring hearts.  that brought a beautiful picture to my mind, again with the repetitive beating.  that repetition works well for me.

i'm sure you'll find the right place for you.   time and patience, and loving care for yourself will usually do the trick.   big hug.

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you sanmagic, great words of wisdom as always from you! I shall start trying that.