Strategies

[SM]

Hi Everyone, I was hoping to open up a topic that will allow us to share the strategies that we learn as we go and that work well for us. I know not everyone has access to good resources for coping and healing. I have my first session today with a new psychologist (my 4th therapist in 4 years). I truly hope this one is a good fit and can help, which in turn I hope to be able to share the strategies etc. with all of you in the hopes that the healing will spread like wildfire. I'm sure I could benefit from hearing what worked for you al too.
Thank you. 

[sanmagic7]

hey, sm, good luck with your new therapist.  i, too, hope it's a good fit and things start humming.

one of the strategies that i came up with (i've posted about this before, but i still use it, did one today) is having funerals for what i've lost, what i've never had, what i've missed, etc. because of my life circumstances.  i had read at one time about acknowledging our losses, and realized that i had never really done that.  as i began thinking about it, it made sense to me to begin having funerals.  i'd never taken the time to grieve properly any of the things that i've missed in my life because of the situations in which i've found myself.  my funerals have helped me lay people, places, and things to rest.

for example, today i laid my past to rest.  i went online, found a funeral arrangement that suited how i felt, set it for my desktop background, and pasted it in my home journal.  there i wrote about how it has defined me for so long, but now i was ready to move on from it, and other words, thoughts, feelings that came to mind.   i kept writing until i felt ready to stop, then wrote 'good-bye'.

i keep the image of the funeral arrangement on my desktop until the 'punch' goes out of remembering and grieving the loss, at which time i'll change it to something i love.  i always find just the right arrangement for the situation i'm laying to rest, whether it's been people i've eliminated from my life, the fact that i've been bereft of feelings most of my life, or situations/experiences that no longer pertain.  this has been a coping strategy for me as it brings my attention to how much and what is gone, gets the poison of it out of me and onto the screen, and helps keep me from obsessing and ruminating on things i can't help, fix, or change.  i've done at least 30 of these over the past year, and every single one of them has helped me in some way to move forward.

so, i thought i'd share this with everyone here.  i think this is a very good idea, sm.  thanks for bringing it up.

[Wife#2]

My most common strategy is as old-school as it gets - breathing. Deep breathing. I tried yoga and found that it didn't work for me, but the deep, controlled breathing did and does. The more triggered I am, the more I feel my lungs go into fast, very shallow almost non-breaths. So, as soon as I'm aware, I start slow, deep breathing. I focus on the breathing itself - instead of anything around me. It can snap me back to now sometimes.

Another I do, I just recently found out is a group of very common self-soothing techniques. I pet my own face, hair, arms, neck. I also tap my legs against my chair or my toes on the floor. Sometimes, it'll start before I'm even aware of them. But, I guess I become mindful of them, think about WHY and if I'm still feeling bad, scared, edgy, I'll keep them up until I feel calmer. By this point, I usually have noticed my shallow breathing again and get busy deep breathing.

These combined can help bring me back to the now. They're cheap, portable and usually don't raise too many eyebrows - except of course face petting - so in public I usually stick to petting my arms or wringing my hands.

[SM]

Thank you both so much! That sounds great. The Session went quite well and was a lot different from what I've experienced with my last 3 therapists which was promising for me. It felt right and like she gets what I'm saying instead of focussing on the superficial level of my pain. My next session is next week and we are starting with EMDR, which I'm really actually excited to try something new that might just help me climb out of the rubble of my life experiences.  The Cognitive behavioral therapy will hopefully help too. I also bought a "fidget", which I am waiting for in the mail and I had asked the therapist if this was a positive coping mechanism and she said it was a very good idea to have a fidget as the sensory can help soothe the anxiety and panic that can arise from this rutting demon we call CPTSD.

Thanks again for sharing you guys. I will give those strategies a try as well on my own. 

[abcdefghijohnnyz]

Things that helped me:

• Talk therapy
• Getting a cat (weird but true, emotional support animals are great)
• The right medication
• Getting rid of co-morbid addictions and self-destructive behavior
• Tons of journaling
• Loud, cathartic music, and emotional movies
• Meditation

All of those things used in the right time and place have helped me a lot, but they definitely haven't "cured" or "fixed" me. I've found recovery to be about doing lots of little things to edge myself in a more positive direction.

[woodsgnome]

My strategies have involved lots of things over many years. Some work well, others need patience and grit, still others seem to come strong then fade away. Flexibility seems key; but it's also a hard row against grief's headwinds blowing back against what seemed to hold hope. Building strength for another try seems prudent if not always logical in the face of these fierce headwinds. It doesn't always look it, but when one slows down it's apparent that one has indeed progressed closer to that elusive peace than it seemed.

How I worded the above reflects my strongest 'strategies', I guess. And that involves  using metaphors, visualizations, and symbols--not always but often they're all I can come up with when the sensible, scientific, logical methods don't cut it. I find joy in crafting something new, and that's where I find symbolism helpful--creating a new outlook involves painting a new picture. Even old canvases can carry new images painted over the old. And look new!. Another analogy would be to picture life as ocean and waves--neither one or the other, you experience both as a constant mix, and when you snap a picture of a wave, it isn't there an instant later; when you look at the new prospect before you, the old wave is gone (but still in the ocean).

That said, I tend to find some visualizations more pertinent at different times, and I end up returning to them. Some come in dreams. One vivid one happened where I felt chased downriver by demons I can identify as images of the abusers from my youth. Making my escape into a wild landscape, I came upon a wise person at a camp by the river (waterways and canoe trips frequently occur in my visions/dreams). After comforting me, this wise one pointed to a nearby waterfall and invited me to follow what was seen there. Coaxing me out of my usual analytical self, the wise person then helped me to use my imagination to see beyond the apparent reality. So I realized...

The waterfall's torrential power is like all those thoughts pounding our every waking moment. Their full force can overwhelm everything, even destroy with their power if you get in their way. But if one steps aside, the water crashes into the pool below; then the waters (thoughts) are either carried downriver to the ocean or dissolves into the mists above the falls. Either way it recycles into the atmosphere. One is left with more thoughts, yes; terrifying in their force, but once they dissipate one can choose to be left with only the beauty of the falls. And life goes on; with its terrors but also its beauties, once a new vision is painted over the scary old scene(s).

I know what my inner critic will say--be real, dreamer. Thanks, inner critic; how very nice of you to challenge--now I wave goodbye but hope you enjoy your own trip downriver. Fighting the inner critic, the natural response, would defeat the hope of just bidding it adieu; and the joy of surprising it, as all gremlins hate that.

Okay, just an example of how visualization has helped me create a new vision. Big caveat--it doesn't always work, not while in this house of mirrors called cptsd. Good thread, though, SM and those who've contributed. Thanks! Individually, we each find our own way, but collectively can draw on each other's ideas and continue with those small steps leading out of this graveyard of lost illusions.

[SM]

Thank you all for responding. I love that we can share and grow together.

I have been reading a book called "de-cluttering your mind" which has proven insightful on helping day by day and I have also just ordered a couple more books I hope will help as well. "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving" and also "the complex PTSD Workbook".

I have also been referred to a Psychiatrist to look into possible medications that I can use as an aid while I make my way through processing the traumas in therapy. I was very leery about medications and was really against them, but am warming up to the idea when It was explained as more of a "taking a pre-workout drink before a run workout for a while until you can you adjust and can do the workout on your own". Same result, but one is gonna work a little faster perhaps without having to fight the other awful symptoms that often negate and counter out processing.

So I am hopeful. I have my first EMDR session tomorrow and I am looking forward to seeing what comes of it.

I hope you are all doing well.

[sanmagic7]

hope your session goes well.  would love to hear about it if you care to share.

sometimes the meds can be used as a temporary strengthener for your psyche, exactly, to help get you through some of the rougher times without collapsing.  they have their place.   best to you with all this, sm.

[SM]

Thank you.  I am nervous and excited I think.

I also bought the book "from surviving to thriving" that was recommended here. I did a little bit of reading that amazon allowed me to do online and wow! it felt like someone had written down my feelings for me. Like someone finally expressed for me what I have been struggling to make heard.

I really hope I can convince my loved ones to read it as well so that they can better understand and perhaps heal as well from the hurt that my pain has caused!

[SM]

So, I had my first EMDR session yesterday and I must say... I went in thinking "well this is going to be BS"... and I was stunned by the outcome.  I know it's a start, but wow what a running jump start it was. I couldn't believe not only the instance that came up that bothered me were things I kind of forgot about... In this case the first time I remember feeling like the most horrible person in the world was when I was 4 years old. When I brought it up I was just sobbing and by the time the EMDR process was done I was almost laughing at how much I had let that bother me because of how completely insignificant it was. The second scene was of my sexual abuse, which needless to say was more difficult and the emotions and physical response was much greater and different, still... there was change there and that says a lot.

I used to leave therapy sessions feeling so bogged down and tired and just plain *. It's like they make you wade out into the disaster of your shipwreck and have you float around in the shattered pieces of your trauma and then they send you away with nothing except the feeling of being soaked and exhausted and alone.

The EMDR sessions are more like being led out to the shipwreck with a headset on so that someone is with you to remind you "this isn't real anymore". As you find important and positive things in the wreckage they invite you to collect and hold onto those things more and more. When it's all over they dry you off, and send you away with a baggy of all the hope and healing you collected and leaving behind wreckage so that you don't need to go back to look for anything (you have it now).

I was amazed is all I can say and they made a believer out of me. The best part is, even though I was exhausted after, I was still able to go to the gym and not only function, but actually feel legitimately better!  I asked my therapist to do more research into CPTSD as she is not overly familiar with the concept yet, but is aware of it and sees the correlation to my struggles.

We are also working diligently on my low self-esteem, which is a major by-product of CPTSD (as we all know) and is the greatest cause of so many of the other struggles we are left to face. Amazing how liberating it is when you can finally put your finger on what you have been struggling with. I guess it makes sense, like tossing paint on an invisible demon. Now that I see you I can defeat you.

Sorry for the long winded response  . I just wanted to share in the hopes it will help anyone else thinking about trying.

[Three Roses]

Wow! I would really like to try EMDR. I'm so happy it's working for you!

[Wife#2]

Thank you for sharing that information about the EDMR. That is a great idea, if I can find a qualified therapist around here that does that kind of work.

[sanmagic7]

now, that's what i'm talking about!  i know that when emdr is done properly, that's exactly the kinds of results that can come about, not only with the traumatic experiences, but with walking away with the bag of hope for the future.

thanks so much for sharing this. sm.  being an emdr therapist myself, it's heartwarming to hear that someone had the experience with it that i've been familiar.  i'm so happy for you.

i don't know if your therapist told you to be aware that you may have strange dreams - your brain is re-wiring, and stuff may come up from your subconscious.  many therapists suggest keeping a journal between sessions to record anything that might come up so it can be discussed or processed during the next session.

i'm really glad to hear you made your therapist aware of the c in c-ptsd, and that there's a willingness to explore and research on the therapist's part.  that, to me, says wonders about the therapist's level of caring.  it all sounds marvelous, i'm so happy for you, and here's to many more sessions of resolution for all those levels of trauma.  yay!

[Eyessoblue]

I'm on a waiting list for EMDR through the NHS in the uk, quite a long wait but hoping it gives me the results I need.

[sanmagic7]

i hope so, too, eyessoblue.  good luck!