TW!Feel like I've just realised the extent of my c-ptsd - letting some stuff out

[micheerx]

okay so I might ramble and this is my first ever post! 

So I feel like I never really knew the extend of my c-ptsd until 2 night ago... I've been feeling super stressed out and it's been reeking havoc on my depression and anxiety, and I've been very easily agitated because of work and uni deadline etc (blah blah blah). So anyway, me and my fiance had a massive argument really over nothing and he was shouting in my face and I just broke down - this happens like a lot! Any time anyone raises their voice I get like a really bad fright kind of and cry for ages or if anyone touches my face at all or covers my mouth - I couldn't stop crying for like over an hour. And then I was thinking to myself, "why do I hate it so much when people are in my face or raise their voice at all?" and I thought to myself "well when I was younger my dad used to shout at me ALL THE TIME! And he slapped me across the face once - my old step mum like attacked me once too - she was a drug addict - and it makes me think that maybe I've been getting emotional flashbacks when people shout at me or touch my face and that's why I breakdown... I feel like the reason I breakdown when people cover my mouth is because of when I was raped and the guy covered my mouth so it just triggers me... and it's so strange because I feel like now I'm really understanding how deep at my core the c-ptsd is...

Just trying to work out my head really...   

[Three Roses]

I'm so sorry to hear what you've gone thru, michellerodgersx. And what you continue to go thru! Having someone in my face sets me off, too, and for me someone covering my mouth doesn't trigger me, it's when anyone touches my neck.

and it makes me think that maybe I've been getting emotional flashbacks when people shout at me or touch my face and that's why I breakdown...

Fwiw, I think you're right.

Anyway, thanks for joining and posting, and I hope to hear more from you! 

[Eyessoblue]

Yes, think that's normal, certain actions of people make me like that too and trigger horrible flashbacks.

[sanmagic7]

it sounds like a major realization to me, michellerodgerssx, and everything you've talked about seem very connected.  no wonder you break down so badly - i don't think that's abnormal at all with what you've gone through.

i'm glad you decided to post.  you're so very welcome here.  i've found such wonderfully warm and caring support here which has helped me get through so many struggles and realizations, too.  i hope you can find the same. 

[micheerx]

Wow thank you everyone for the reply, really felt like maybe I was talking to know one and that no one would really understand, or maybe just think I'm talking rubbish... Really want to start using this forum more so I can connect with people who understand me 
Yeah I get the same way with my neck too it's a horrible feeling....
you can all feel free to message me if you ever need someone to chat to shouldn't take any longer than 2 days to reply just because sometimes I forgot to look at this, going to make more of an effort though to look every day take care 

[sanmagic7]

and you keep taking care as well - you're worth it.  we're all in this together.  big hug.