Feeling like an alien- anyone else?

[Eyessoblue]

Hi everyone, lately I've really been feeling like I don't belong, like I've come from another planet and am just visiting. I listen to conversations then switch off halfway through, then come back to earth having missed the general 'gist' of the conversation and answer totally irrelevantly to what's been talked about. I see people looking at me strangely to my answers and straight away feel like the idiot who doesn't understand or sometimes I talk about something then end up talking about something completely unrelated to the conversation.  I'm starting to feel I should just keep quiet as my brain processing button seems to have switched off, it seems to be getting worse daily and am starting to feel stupid when I speak. Is this a symptom of cptsd? Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me having lost the plot completely?

[bring em all in]

I often feel like an alien abandoned here on Earth. I just don't belong- I can't seem to fit in!!! I remember as a child watching the Rudolf Christmas special and wishing someone would take me to the Land of the Misfit Toys.

This online community grounds me and assures me that yes, I do belong here. If I share my secret hurts, unlearn the negative messages, and let others in, it will be even better.

What you describe sounds like my experience of cptsd. Sometimes I feel numb and can't seem to think straight. I fumble for words I've known for decades, and sometimes cannot recall things that happened/I thought just moments ago. Sometimes I feel numbness and excruciating pain at the same time (how the * does THAT happen?)

[woodsgnome]

What you've described has been one of my most consistent traits. My fade-outs aren't always noticed; although I realize better when they happen, it's not necessarily apparent to others. That's especially so with people who've known me as a role-play actor, plus my perceived wild sense of humour (more a cover but they don't know the pain from which it springs). But that's just speculation, from inside my iceberg, as it were (I need global warming LOL).

I'm pretty wordy, sometimes, but here's the best description of my usual feelings about my dissociative tendencies:             .

What to do about this is always tricky. Just realizing it is good, though--you have a starting point, if not an answer. Trying to overcome can bear uneven results; sometimes I just give up trying to be different than I am, and hope others will accept me better--and sometimes they do (I think...although I'm too lonely to really know). Then again, I have that humourous twist as a crutch, which helps the outer image if not my inner feelings.

There was a member of OOTS who hasn't been active in a long while, but I always liked what she said about this inability to connect. Sometimes, she said, she asks another person (silently more often than not): "so what kind of crazy are you?".

Even though cptsd is a lonely trip, it helps to realize that so many people have their own inner demons--you can't see 'em, sometimes they can't either, but it helps to know none of us are fully, truly, the only ones who experience these wild emotional tugs. You just never know.

[Eyessoblue]

Woodsgnome-- I can so relate to what you have said! I've always been known for my witty sense of humour but like you it's pure cover up from the pain inside. I'm also considered 'cold' and emotionless by some but they don't realise it's my disassociation that makes me like this. Oh to be normal!
Bring em all in--- yes I can so relate to what you are saying too, I too can't think of the next word to say or what was just talked about.
I tell myself that my 'quirky' self is what makes me and I know I'm different to other people, I do get embarrassed by my odd behaviour but I know certainly at the moment that it's not going to change, and I'll just have to carry on being that alien from the other planet.
Thank you for replying It makes me feel 'slightly' more normal to know that others are like it too.

[PhoenixRising2015]

I've definitely felt that disconnect.  It's something I've been working on.  It's gotten better but it still pops up when I'm having a hard time.  I have not personally found a good way to deal with it.  I recognize that it's a symptom though and when I'm in a good "space" I don't have as hard of a time.

I do sometimes force myself into situations (with people who I know care about me and are supportive) where I have to actively listen and pay attention and try and force myself to do it.  Probably more to just be social and create connections when I'm feeling particularly disconnected to the world around me.  Even if I'm just silent or more quiet than usual, I know it's probably better than me sitting at home alone circling depression.  So I try to give it a try for as long as I can and if/when I feel like I'm done, I leave. No guilt, no judgement, just focusing on that I did my best in that moment and that it's a step in the right direction.

Sometimes I just give myself a day "off".  Just off from friends, from family, from the TV, computer, chores, phone, whatever, I get home from work and give myself permission to just be crazy  for the night and give myself a break. 

A good night sleep is always key for me too.

[Amon Ra]

Hi everyone, lately I've really been feeling like I don't belong, like I've come from another planet and am just visiting. I listen to conversations then switch off halfway through, then come back to earth having missed the general 'gist' of the conversation and answer totally irrelevantly to what's been talked about. I see people looking at me strangely to my answers and straight away feel like the idiot who doesn't understand or sometimes I talk about something then end up talking about something completely unrelated to the conversation.  I'm starting to feel I should just keep quiet as my brain processing button seems to have switched off, it seems to be getting worse daily and am starting to feel stupid when I speak. Is this a symptom of cptsd? Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me having lost the plot completely?

Hi, I'm new here  ...
my intention was just to read and observe from distance ....
while trying to win this battle of C-PTSD ...
But your head title caught my eyes ...
it reminded me of a one told me :
( you sound like you came out of a history book , you don't belong in here ) ...
although, i did not give much of attention to this remark back then ... but now amid this ( blackout ) I'm having since 3 yrs ... hmm!
i don't know ...

i lost speech ( literally) since about 2 yrs ...
i write what i want to say, even when to buy my food...
i just wanted to say , you are not alone..
Wish you the best.

[Eyessoblue]

Thank you, you too.

[Barclay]

I'm quite new to the whole idea of C-PTSD and the real-life vs clinical experience of sufferers. I am also an Aspie - Aspergers syndrome is a high functioning form of Autism, the experience being the inability to connect socially, leading to ever-growing feelings of alienation.

Over time, I've come to understand that increasing anxiety due to constantly fumbling social situations has just made the whole thing worse, but I'm now also wondering if I might not be subconsciously sizing people up as potential future abusers, which might also trigger more anxiety and further disconnect.

I have no idea, yet, if I'll be able to avoid future abuse, not least because I struggle to perceive others motives, but I'm curious as to whether anti-anxiety meds, therapy, meditation might be effective..

[JamesG]

Personally, I am finding a very low dose (5mg) of Escitalopram really effective. That's if I don't touch alcohol tho. I can still wake with issues, like this morning, but I am much more likely to push forward and take action in my life. They increased concentration hugely.

[Candid]

I am like this too, Eyessoblue. I find it very difficult to listen to people these days.

I'm now on 25mg Sertraline, switching to 50mg after a couple more days and expected (by the psychiatrist) to stay on it indefinitely. He's another one who doesn't appear to know you can't medicate a lifestyle, although he was frank enough to tell me a lot of "stupid" decisions have led me to "an impossible situation".

Yes, it certainly is "impossible" for me to identify with or get close to people who are managing their lives much better than I have in the past couple of years, and who don't struggle with everyday tasks. Like getting out of bed. Or smiling.

I feel so very alone IRL.

[JamesG]

identifying with people outside of this is hard, totally get that.