ADHD subtype OCD Bi-poler features? or CPTSD?

[Sasha2727]

I know it is very common for misdiagnosis or co-morbid conditions. I have been diagnosed ADHD since childhood and I do believe that I have this in edition to CPTSD. I read some stuff by Danial Aman on subtypes. I'm certain that I have ADHD with OCD and Bipolar features. It seems these three conditions are fairly common. I am currently seeing a specialist in dissociative / Trauma related d/o. I am also keeping a calendar to track my moods. Its tricky because so many symptoms can overlap

Anyone else have this? Its like I cant concentrate and very easily destructed yet once I start obsessing on a topic I can endlessly research it and I will correlate everything back to that one thing Lil but then ill move on to the next thing and then that's what the issue is! once I'm in full tilt, I cannot stop thinking/talking about whatever the obsession is, so much so that I wont sleep nor do I seem to need as much sleep. All of this is accompanied by period's of lethargy and just no will to do anything. The season have a great impact on me. Fall/spring are anxious times of nervous energy and winter is depression.

However, all of this could be symptomatic of  CPTSD too Simply cycles of researching and getting excited that I'm finally unlocking all the stuff that's held me back! most of my obsessive researching is all a smaller piece of a bigger puzzle and even though I do move on I keep the stuff that fits in journals. I would call my obsessing over research productive yet when I'm not onto something it turns more to ruminating.

[Rain]

Sending you a hug, Sasha.   I am so grateful you are seeing specialist.

 

[Sasha2727]

Thank you, I may go to a psychiatrist but my only formal diagnosis is ADHD and PTSD. I must admit I am frightened that I will be diagnosed with something that might make a career in mental health harder in the future. I have much hope for DBT as mindfulness once made a huge impact on all of it. It just seems as though now im too hyper to even sit down and meditate anymore. I have taken tons of seemingly reputable online PD tests and I come up for either BPII or BPD often always anxiety and OCD as well. I guess this specialist will have insight also. so far she has already picked up on dissocative traits and helped me to see some of my addictive tendencies as more of self harm behavior then anything, even with my constant researching I had never thought of that! same with OCD, I believe that is my way of blocking out feelings its intellectualizing more then obsessing maybe. honestly the drug and alcohol world has recognized CPTSD for a long time. Some of my best help came from that, drug and alcohol counselors seem to be way more often trauma informed. anyway...

Any other ADDers Danial Aman has a website with a test, I would be curious if anyone else comes up with this combo over focused , temporal lobe, anxious, ring of fire "

[spryte]

I definitely think that ADHD is somehow connected to my C-PTSD. I just recently realized how many symptoms that I have of, well, ADD, not ADHD. But, I also learned that it presents differently in adults, and in women...and in looking back at my childhood, wow...BUT, it has to be connected, because the symptoms wax and wane for me and a lot of it is connected to how well I'm taking care of myself - and I feel like the more I heal emotionally, the more control I have over it? It may not ever go away, but I really do think that there's something in the wiring that gets crossed when we're young that has something to do with the damage that happens with the C-PTSD. I don't think that's the case for everyone with ADD or ADHD, but I wouldn't be surprised at all if either of them weren't significant co-symptoms of C-PTSD.

I also have obsessive traits that I'm exploring right now with a book called Too Perfect, which is about perfectionism and it's related obsessive traits.

I do the obsessive research thing too. I get "stuck" on stuff. I get super excited about stuff, and then just...lose interest. It's all related though because a lot of it is also "distracting" "numbing" "checking out" stuff. I can get lost in research for ever, because I can't stop (obsessive) because I find it fascinating (hyper focus) and because it's easier to research than to put any of the things I"m researching into practice (avoidance). Such a multifaceted problem.

[Butterfly]

Pete Walker says these things are related to the cPTSD 4F responses and it is really cPTSD.

[Sasha2727]

For myself I believe that Hyperidrenilization and rumination are deff. things I struggle with. I am now seeing that the OCD stuff is usually with out compulsion for me, as a child I did have compulsions, tapping rythums with my teeth and having to repeat it a certain amount of times with out error or start over. ripping pieces of paper up making them even and symmetrical and counting them. I had and still have intrusive thoughts, losing control , falling down and hitting my head. As a kid I would I would not shower at night due to fear of slipping and falling and hitting my head. Also I would repeat certain words three times... ha ha ha boy I never made a list until now!

Anyway, I view rumination for me as Avoident coping for sure, If im "weighing it out " Im not facing my feelings. ADDers have cycles and if an ADDer goes without sleep our impulse control is GONE for a week really b/c one night of no sleep and the effects trickle. I think this can look a lot like Hypomania. Its interesting though because Pete walkers " flight " does cover that. It lends me to ask if the rumination isn't also simply A way to shut out the "inner critic" or just simply fighting with it.

Hypervigielce is also something that can cause your brain to seek stimulus too... It all seems so connected! I am looking into ACT andDBT I like the work book idea because I do better with hands on stuff. Emotional IQ excersizes are also something that I think can help, learning what emotions feel like in the body! great website called "angriesout" has an excersize getting you to tense your muscles and make angry faces. I am a repressed anger person so this was eye opening for me!It showed me that I make angry faces and tense my jaw and clench my fists when I am angry, I had done these things for years and never identified these as signs of " oh hey im angry " !

[P1NKNESS]

I can relate to this 100%. You just described my thought processing and feelings exactly. My diagnoses are almost exactly the same. Adhd, bipolar, inability to concentrate on anything that isn't completely stimulating to my mind at that particular moment. But when I am into something, nothing can break my attention or I get agitated or feel really stressed.  It is so frustrating and disheartening. Are you currently still experiencing the things that caused your cptsd?  I am still with my emotionally abusive spouse and I don't know how to leave. Thanks for sharing cause I'm not really good at others relating to what I go through so don't talk to anyone much... lol...  I end up sounding crazy...   

[Sasha2727]

Thank you it feels great to be related too! What I have come to believe is that I suffer from something's called depersonalization disorder. It's the feeling like your in a fog or unreal, your environment just looks different like for me more 3D then normal or blurry. I have been in some kind of diagnosis mania for months due to this. I google things around 3 hours a day at the least ... Symptoms of mental illness to " check " myself. It's gotten out of hand! Via grounding I came " out of the fog " haha ( bada bum pshh) recently and felt sheer joy for about 2 hours! Vision clear thoughts clear! But it took no time to start obessing and have a panic attack followed by dysphoria ( angry foggy feeling ). I think my symptoms are so many things but mainly REPRESSED ANGER! That's why I do what I do to keep the " unacceptable feelings away " . Check into " pure o " and " depersonalization/de realization" I believe it's mostly the mechinism behing " learned helplessness " . Also take an attachment style test. If you get anxious preoccupied like me or fearful Aviodent it's deff related to dissociation and cptsd in adulthood. It stems from needing to develope a "fantasy bond" with an emotionally neglectful or freighting caregiver in childhood. Basically it's passed down generationally via eye gaze from mother to child soooooo if your mom was in a trance often when you where a baby or maybe yelling one minute then crying another , perhaps even just absent when you cryed you will have this! What comes from it is in adult hood when you fall in love and " attach " to a guy or girl in my case.... Your attachment style is activated and you will automatically fall into a trance or have chronic panic attacks that result in dissociating and seeing only the good things! This is due to you learning to do this in infancy with your very first serious attachment figure!

The key here is this anxious attachment is a fancy way of saying your parent had this little baby, the little baby like all babies cried and unlike most babies was responded to in a way that makes a baby " I know I need this scary person to survive yet I feel I need to protect myself from them" sooooo when we fall in love the " fight or flight response " is automatically activated and we dissociate just like in childhood!

Now, I'd like to tell you it's ok to love your abusive partner it's NORMAL to feel like you can't leave. There is nothing wrong with you for loving him? And wanting to stay ... However there is help if you would like to go. Women's shelters can and will provide all that you need to restart life food, clothes, help with applying for schooling benifits etc. the thing that our emotionally abusive family's didn't tell is was it's ok to love someone but need to be away from them all at the same time. Just a thought! I work someplace that help women and I can tell you that you are not alone and worthy of love and respect even if you stay. Just check into dissociation dp/OCD it truly might be clouding your judgment. Because the kicker is in adulthood chances are if someone activates your attachment style they are more then likely very similler to your care giver in infancy unless you've had therapy.

My mother has BPD and I might as well due to it being passed down both genetically or through attachment style, plus through having to dissociate through abuse and neglect. I now have dated 3 women with hpd/bpd! That's how I found out all of this! My current gf is diagnosed as cptsd and now they thing bpd is a form of that. So once her and I got together I went from very strict diet excersize routine very goal driven very fun loving person to an OCD wreck that barley leaves the house that can't retain anything new and has blurry vision! Lol however, she is seeking treatment as am I. We both know about triggers and when to give space or at least we are learning. That is why I decked is to stay. If any of this is relevant great!!!

Pps. Keep posting here! Rain and some others are very validating and this site gives me hope on my foggiest darkest days. Finding this site and Pete walker also john Bradshaw and judeth hermin have helped so much! Check out " healing the toxic shame that binds you" such a helpful book! Remember you have support here but nothing beats a good support system! Reach out to your local shelter like rain said! 

[Sasha2727]

One more thing I have learned that all my self diagnosis was making me worse! Nothing beats professional help! I work in mental health in a small capacity and have learned that once your in an OCD state you really must question your perception of things... Emotional abusers do things like " gas lighting " that slowly wear you down... The OCD response is your minds way of blocking out extream pain. If I had been able to preform my own psychological assessment is have a the entire DSM behind my name! Soooo I got help actually I've gotten a bunch of therapy over the years. Only recently did I learn the two most important words to look for when finding a shrink!

" TRAUMA INFORMED" = " it's not what's wrong with you , it's what happened to you?" Please have the same compassion for yourself as you do for your significant other, everyone deserves to be seen heard and validated. Look on the founding site of this one OOTF at the 100 traits of a pd! YouTube gas lighting examples! You've found your way here and that might be half your battle!

Just to clairify I have now been officially diagnosed with some things which greatly helped. OCD of your mental health is no fun and can convince you that you are as insane as anything you read in google haha so check out all of my " bunny eared " terms!

[Badmemories]

Shasha,

I too have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder, and ADD. My first thoughts on all of this is I to seem to research a lot. In a way That is good... but as we have talked on here before, It is easy to get wrapped in Intellectualizing the disease, and not working on it from an emotional side. I have found myself doing that.

The other thing I notice is that You seem worried about the diagnosis side of all this. Since CPTSD IS NOT recognized as a real diagnosis, it is better for You to just leave the diagnosis as it is and just work on the CPTSD side Yourself.  It is easier for the mental health personal to get Therapy for You with the diagnosis You have. The medications are the same for CPTSD and bipolar. 

Keep on keeping on!