Nightmare *Triggers probably*

Started by abcdefghijohnnyz, February 10, 2017, 05:15:30 PM

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abcdefghijohnnyz

Hi.

Very bad dream last night. Might be the worst I've had. Certainly the worst since the nightmares I had almost ten years ago right after the kidnapping had just happened.

When I woke up I freaked out on my boyfriend when he tried to hug and comfort me. Couldn't stand him touching me. Crying, hyperventilating,

I feel so lonely. I have a lot of self-destructive cravings right now for my old bad habits. But the worst I am actually going to do today is smoke a cigarette.

I have to go to work today, I have to function and act normal. And it just feels so stupid and incomprehensible right now. It's just like, wheee I'm a kidnapping and rape survivor who just had a gnarly vivid dream about rape and kidnapping, now I get to act normal and be a good customer service person for minimum wage.

:blowup:

Life feels like such a joke sometimes.  It's hard to know why I even bother. But I put a lot of work into being a healthy non-suicidal person who doesn't do drugs anymore, and I know that I usually actually like being alive, so I guess today I'll just grin and bear it.

sanmagic7

hey, johnny, sometimes just to 'grin and bear it' can be a lot.  congrats to you for leaving the drugs alone.  well done.  sorry about the nightmare - it sounds horrible.   i hope the rest of your day goes well, and you have a better night's sleep tonight.  hugs.

abcdefghijohnnyz

Update: a flare-up of my ulcerative colitis "rescued" me from having to go to work. So, sick day. Not fun dealing with my symptoms but it is good to have an excuse to rest.

sanmagic7

funny how that works sometimes!  i love those kinds of interventions.  enjoy your rest.