Processing from pain to the inner self

[Sandals]

Wanted to share an awesome experience from yesterday. 

I've been talking to my T for a while about this pain & hurt I feel that compels my SI. The hurt actually felt physical (not derived from any particular source, but very "in my body") and the pain felt emotional. One of the most amazing things about the cathartic breathing exercise at The Awakening workshop was that I felt it dispelled the hurt. But the pain was still there.

So at my session yesterday, we tried a few different processes. The first one had some minor impact but didn't feel complete. But the second one was just so amazing & miraculous. The process was similar to the anxiety process I posted earlier here but it took it a level deeper.

My T guided me and I did this process with my eyes closed. We took this pain entity & I gave it (or rather, it gave me) a shape (shapeless, like a shadow), colour (black), sound (no sound), size (enormous, up to the ceiling) & age (60-70 years). Then I asked it what it wanted of me (my words, the actual script was more precise) - just one word, whether it was an actual word or an image that came to mind. Together, we would create the goal and then the process would repeat. It started in a very deep, ugly place and went deeper for a while and then started reversing to more light stuff. Some of the early stuff was "growth" (sounds positive, but didn't feel positive: it wanted me to be bigger, as big as it was, and it was enormous) "destruction", "grief", "rebuilding", "sadness" and then later turned to "harmony", "happiness", etc.

I came to a spot where I felt that it was asking me to trust it and be friends with, so I did that. The image "children" came up, which I took to mean innocence. "Love" also came up, but funny enough, didn't feel as big as some of the others. The last word I came to was "Warmth". After that, it had no other higher purpose.

My T asked me if there were any images associated with it - and there were beautiful, gorgeous images; a kaleidoscope of nature: trees, rivers, lakes, sand, oceans, dragonflies, butterflies & birds, all bathed in this gorgeous orange & yellow warm light, moving in harmony and flowing over & around me. My T said this is the core essence of me. And you know what? I believe her. It felt so right, so in harmony with various things I've felt all through my life.

We then walked back through all of the goals (words) I had created with the pain entity and I said how this core word, "Warmth" impacted them (increased, decreased, etc.). I then thanked it and we did a few more things and it was done.

I cannot explain how amazing I felt at the end of this. My T said I was glowing and I believe her. I still feel like I am. This will help serve as my anchor, as other things come up.

I know that this stuff is very different from the more academic links and discussions we have on here; and it's so different from anything I've ever thought I would do or believe in. But it's the most healing for me. The academic understanding helps, too, don't get me wrong. But this is such a powerful balm to the emotional pain, & I am so grateful for it.

[schrödinger's cat]

Brilliant! I'm so glad to hear this. The method you used sounds very intriguing.

Together, we would create the goal and then the process would repeat.

Not sure I understand this (but it's very late here and I'm tired, so this is just me being woozy): the entity gave you a word, and your T and you used the word to come up with a goal the entity has for you? And then you'd again ask the entity for a new word?

[C.]

What you describe sounds wonderful, useful for the present, past and future. 

It reminds me of the Reiki healing I was accessing a couple of years ago.  I had never believed in or used such processes in the past, but it works.  I like the fact that she allowed you to witness and process the pain.  My provider would "witness" and "remove", but your experience sounds more complete. 

Thank you for describing the detail of what you experienced.