spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.

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Blueberry

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #45 on: December 11, 2017, 11:00:39 AM »
And I started to wonder what would happen if all our sweet, innocent inner children showed up to play with each other....
:hug:

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Phoebes

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #46 on: December 11, 2017, 02:43:55 PM »
 :grouphug:

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Andyman73

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #47 on: December 14, 2017, 10:58:57 AM »
Phoebes,
Well, they get some time. I grew up knowing them as I have always remembered them being. It's only been since this year that all my abuse memories have been  coming back. So now I know what I never knew.  I'm struggling to reconcile what's been revealed with what I know. I do keep them at arms length, but not any further. Out relationship never was "good" but never bad either.  And I do have to contend with a host of physical ailments that were caused by the long term physical abuse, though. And that is a whole different issue all together.

*** TW *** CSA

Jazzy,
One of the things I told myself to help understand it is this; would it be abuse if I did it to my neighbor's kids? Of course it would. So...same same if I did that to my own kids, or what was done to me. Over the past week I was reading a study done, back in 1985, that was about the effects of physical punishment on children. And spanking was one of the things focused on. Beatings of any kind, on the buttocks, really. One of the interesting things was the effects on the sexual psyche of the children as they grew and matured. Since the bottom is a big part of the erogenous zone and there are so many nerves involved with the pleasures of physical intimacy, any kind of spanking/beating of said area, sends mixed signals to the brain's pleasure center. And they get stored away, and cause problems in these children as they become adults and explore their sexual nature. And the long term accumulated trauma also causes physical problems too.
« Last Edit: December 14, 2017, 10:19:15 PM by Blueberry »

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Jazzy

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #48 on: December 17, 2017, 02:21:56 AM »
Whoa Andy, those are some great points. Thank you so much! I doubt I'd live until trial in jail if I did that stuff to the neighbour's kids. That's a great perspective.  :)

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Andyman73

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #49 on: December 19, 2017, 04:57:54 PM »
Whoa Andy, those are some great points. Thank you so much! I doubt I'd live until trial in jail if I did that stuff to the neighbour's kids. That's a great perspective.  :)

Yeah, so, if jail would be result of spanking/beating neighbors kids, that should give pause to those who do same to their own, or for us who experienced that growing up.

 Andy :phoot:

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blues_cruise

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #50 on: December 19, 2017, 05:42:41 PM »
It really is abuse and I'm so sorry for what you've all been through. :hug: I'm starting to realise how much I've been minimising my own physical abuse. I used to get prodded really hard in the ribs while NF sneered in my face and he would do 'play games' where he would squeeze our hands and contort our limbs really tightly until we cried out for him to stop. It would be a small child pinned under 16 stone of him so we were completely at his mercy. It was like a way to break our will so that we knew we could never win. He never played real games with us, just that. I also got slapped which stung, though he was too covert to leave bruises. Just today I think I remembered that he used to slap the side of my face hard so that my ear would ring, though it's a strange one because I'm not completely sure of the memory. I know he did this to my brother so I'm guessing I probably experienced it at some point. I can feel how it felt so vividly but I can't pinpoint the actual memory. I wonder if I might have been very little.

He would only lift his hand to us (bar the 'play games') if we dared answer back, so I think I always assumed it was just strict parenting and didn't question it too closely as an adult. He didn't slap me around as much as a teenager but the threat was always there, for instance if I answered back he would aggressively throw me backwards on to my bed and would chase me round the house in a rage. He once leant over me and my instinctual reaction was to flinch, which he then shouted at me for (as though you can control flinching!) 

He's an old man now but I think the repressed memories of the physical stuff (I think there's a lot I would have been too young to remember) make it impossible for me to be around him anymore. I don't think spankings are acceptable in any form. I believe smacking a child in the UK is considered acceptable in the eyes of the law as long as it's a 'reasonable punishment' and isn't hard enough to leave marks, which I think just leaves children open to being terrorised by bullying parents.


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Andyman73

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Re: spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse. spanking is abuse.
« Reply #51 on: December 19, 2017, 09:12:41 PM »
blues_cruise

You got that right. It sure is abuse. And it's so very hard to combine that with my csa/r.

 Andy :phoot:

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Elphanigh

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I know this thread is ages old but I think it fits with this. Not worth making a new thread when we have a very relevant one going. (If mods think otherwise let me know)

*trigger warning* (foo, sparking etc)


Found a new trigger... gotta love my M.. I am in a text chain with her and my grandpa since my Great grandma is in the hospital after her surgery yesterday. Mom and him are talking back and forth, I have just been reading... these are her words verbatimďI wish I could just go turn her over my kneeĒ... this is talking about my great grandmother.. purely because she is being stubborn.. she is mostly alone in the hospital, on pain medications, and stressed. Of course she is a bit stubborn. Even joking about spanking a grown women as punishment to get her to be more compliant is not okay.. She is 88.

As a perfectly adult 24 year old this still bothers me. Spanking is funny and a joke to my family, just s way to get people to understand their point. I spent my younge ry3rs getting bent over that knee if I spoke up or didnít do something right. I often got blamed for things others did and ended up inthat spot. For me reading this was like a slap to the face, a reminder that they find what I went through a joke. That they will never see any damage that it has done.

I know on the scale of things this probanly isnít Ďthat badí, but it isnít okay. Anyone else get this? I donít want to be bringing this out of logical proportion

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Deep Blue

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Elphanigh,
I had a similar experience last night.  I went with an old college friend to dinner.  She is at her witts end with her 4 daughter.


*** Trigger warning as well***



She said she has tried everything to get her to behave.  She said she has tried punishment and reward and none of it works.  She said her daughterís super power is knowing how to push peopleís buttons.  She said she knew something had to give because she hit her daughter with a belt to make her point.
I just lost it.  Having been punished in that way myself I just couldnít deal.  I went to the bathroom.

I found myself fighting the panic attack there and grounding.  I somehow avoided one... but what the heck!?! Hitting a 4 year old with a belt is not ok.  Of course it opened up the nightmares all night last night.  I donít care hand or object... Iím damaged goods now... and that type of punishment is to blame. 

P.S.  I donít think I can talk to that friend anymore for awhile

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Elphanigh

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Deep Blue,

I am sorry you had a similar experience, hitting a four year old is never okay. It doesnít teach them right from wrong, it simply teaches them fear and obedience because of it...

Sending hugs if thatís okay  :hug:

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Deep Blue

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Elphanigh,
Yes a hug is great.  I totally agree with you though.  There is a reboot of the show Rosanne right now.  It seems to glorify child abuse. (Of course I could be a bit jaded)

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Elphanigh

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Deep Blue, I am glad the hug was well received. I have not watched the reboot, as I had no real interest. However, I am sure it isnít not just you being jaded

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Blueberry

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*trigger warning* (foo, spanking etc)


Even joking about spanking a grown women as punishment to get her to be more compliant is not okay.. She is 88.

As a perfectly adult 24 year old this still bothers me. Spanking is funny and a joke to my family, just s way to get people to understand their point. I spent my younge ry3rs getting bent over that knee if I spoke up or didnít do something right. I often got blamed for things others did and ended up inthat spot. For me reading this was like a slap to the face, a reminder that they find what I went through a joke. That they will never see any damage that it has done.

I totally get this! I can't stand this subject being joked about for any age group. Needless to say it was joked about in FOO, and they will never see the damage the whole topic did.  :hug: :hug: for little Elpha from Adult Blueberry. My 7 year old really understands.

Deep Blue, I would have been having big problems in that situation too - all my energy would have gone on trying not to dissociate.

(Elpha, I think it's fine to continue using a thread even if older. It's hard enough often to find an old thread here where i wrote or read something. So it's easier then if one subject matter is all on one thread, imo. Only if OP didn't like it and complained about a hijack would Mods have to act. Don't think that's the case here with mourning dove).
« Last Edit: April 26, 2018, 06:10:30 PM by Blueberry »

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Elphanigh

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Blueberry thank you for all of that. Little Elpha loves the hug  :hug: Adult me sends hugs to 7 year old Blueberry  :grouphug:

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Andyman73

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TW*** describes cpa in general terms.

I wanted to add to what I had said previously about how spanking is also s****l abuse. I donít know why I didnít say this then.  Along with the actual physical injury caused by spnkng, to the targeted area, injury is also caused elsewhere. In the same book I was reading, it gave some serious details of injury that we donít realize is also occurring. One is more so due to male anatomy. Especially when being bent over an object, to present a better target for impending abuse. 

What happens is the kinetic energy is transferred from the delivery device to the recipientís body.  Just like a car that got rear ended by a bigger vehicle.  When standing up, our body dispersed the impact  throughout our body and through flinching away from the impact. Same as car getting pushed down the road. 
But  when bent over something else, you get a double impact. Like same car being pushed into a car in front of it.  I very clearly remember being sore in both areas after being punished in that fashion.  Whether bent over daddyís knees or footboard of a bed....the pain of the blow, and then the pain of impact with the hard unmoving object I was bent over... I never connected the two to the same action.

The other thing that occurs is energy waves travel up the spinal column to the brain. While significantly less severe than shaking, the cumulative injury builds up over time, resulting in gradually developing brain injuries.