Difficulty at work ....

[Amadahy]

Good morning, all,

I am struggling mightily, especially at work.  First, it is a stressful job (hospice).  Second, the work culture is quite passive-aggressive, from the top down.  Third, I am dealing with my C-PTSD mightily right now because my self-care has faltered and my NPD mom (with whom I'm NC) is in a homeless shelter and my FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) is kicking in.  Symptoms range from heart palpitations, panic attacks, blurred vision, dizziness, stomach upset, high blood pressure, headache, etc. to the ones that scare me more -- some paranoia, depression, and isolationism.  I don't feel like I can talk to anyone at work.  I do have a supportive DH and three great sons, but they don't quite know what to say and I can see that.  Everyday I am pretending to be fine and I am not fine.

I want so much to rest and heal and grieve and I can't seem to make the time or find the space to do that. 

Thanks for being a place of understanding, where I can just type this stuff out.  That in itself helps. 

xoxox



 

[Three Roses]

Big hugs to you, Amadahy. You have a difficult, demanding job and it does not help that it's a P/A culture from top down! You provide an indispensable service to the community, so a heartfelt thanks from this recipient of that type of service.

If I may be so bold, please let me encourage you to make time for self care. "You can not pour from an empty vessel." Take some time to get away, go shopping by yourself, visit a friend, go out of town for a weekend - anything to recharge your drained batteries. You are worth it! You will thank yourself later.