make.them.stop.

[Soulflower]

the memories are getting the best of me lately, i cant stand it and dont know how to really get through them without zoning out and isolating myself, which is not enough. im taking bedtime sedatives during the day to help numb, why this sudden rush of flashbacks, i cant take it. i cannot let myself cry and my focus is more on keeping it in than anything else, but ive such rage building up inside me.
im experiencing psychosis (delusions) more than half of my waking hours, feel like im losing my mind.

[Whatsinaname]

Hi Soulflower,

I'm so sorry you feel that way! I can relate to the feeling that it's all so overwhelming all the time, that the only thing that helps a little is to numb it with meds.

Is there anyone you can go to for help? Your MD? Or a therapist?
The reason why I'm asking this, is because you're selfmedicating with bedtimes sedatives during daytime and you're experiencing delusions more than half of your waking hours. That feels quite alarming to me.

I hope you find some comfort here! 

[Dee]

When I get flooded with memories I have a bank of things to do.  First, I try to create noise, to quiet my head.  I will have the TV on even if I am not watching it.  I also listen to upbeat music, no depressing or triggering songs.  I also try to color.  I write in my journal about positive things.  I might journal about a trip I would like to take one day.  I can read recipes or even just cook.  I have been taking a ceramic class and I have been planning my projects in the evening to include cutting patterns out of folders.

We have talked about using all my senses.  Light candles that smell good to me.  Wrap myself in a fuzzy blanket.  Again, listen to upbeat music or relaxes sounds such as a creek sound.  I can drink something I like, or even eat a piece of candy.  For sight, I often look at pictures of my children or again color.  Puzzles sometimes help as well.  I try to do these things to quiet it.

[Candid]

my focus is more on keeping it in than anything else, but ive such rage building up inside me.

Yes, me too. In fact I think I've gone beyond rage into a Natural Numb... although that doesn't stop me fleeing for the bottle and/or cigarettes or even --ulp -- this forum, to distract myself.

This gal has become my guru since yesterday: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3rErZKko4Y

[Soulflower]

thanks all

so relieved to be a part of this community

[meursault]

Aromatherapy oils work somewhat for me for grounding.  So does putting one hand on my forehead, and one on the back of my head and pressing.

[Three Roses]

Are you feeling better, Soulflower?