instinctual avoidance, unwarranted smiling.

[ivanthehunter]

I don't know if it's the medicines i am on, the new surroundings I am in, or what- but I am seriously struggling to bring memories to concious thought and remember the WHY behind my Social fears and CPTSD. i know the generally, vague version of it: Bullying, harassment, abandonment, but the specifics I cannot gather. I want to dig through old memories, I want to investigate times past, and validate them, validate myself, and confirm and validate my trauma, and take a new perspective on those events, but my mind just blanks. Then i become tired and disinterested in most anything but food and Netflix. I can be upset on the inside, but can't stop a slight smile on my face, and that bothers me. those two actions do not line up. Any thoughts anyone?

[Eyessoblue]

Hi it sounds to me like you are disassociating which is a common trait of ptsd, I do it all the time especially in counselling my mind just hits a blank and I can't remember the question just asked or what to answer because I mentally switch off and take myself off to another place. I use food, tv and alcohol as a way of both relaxing and switching off from how I really feel. I'm now having cbt to try to get me to find a way of dealing with feelings rather then switching off from them which I have to say I'm finding really hard to do.

[Dee]

I was drawing a blank but I think ESB got it.  Perhaps your mind is telling you it isn't the best time right now and patience is important.  I am constantly told to be patient.  Perhaps you are pushing yourself too hard?