Isolation and lack of social skills

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Wife#2

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2017, 08:39:27 PM »
Hurray, Boatsailrose!

I kind of glossed over that particular thing because I've found I do sometimes enjoy being alone. Not lonely, just alone. For a time. But, when I am truly lonely, I do feel like it just got tattooed on my forehead. 'Beware, she's going to try too hard because she's lonely and sad'.

I haven't had to try to step out and make friends in this smart-phone age, though. I can imagine that it's much harder now. Nobody leaves themselves open to a random conversation anymore. Heck, it's hard to even get eye contact with clerks as they take our money!

I just tried to think of 2-3 ice breakers, but none can get past the folks with their eyes buried on those little screens. Sad. A world of alone people, and those of us who would LOVE to reach out and start a new friendship are thwarted by those little machines. Ironically, machines that were first designed as COMMUNICATION tools. Ugh. Makes my head hurt thinking about it.

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Contessa

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2017, 11:37:06 PM »
Apologies if this seems ill thought out or rushed, on my way to work.

Love the drinks on the verandah! I imagine an outback camp ground, barbeque, beer, sunset over the burnt cliffs, watching their colours change, yakking.

It seems ironic that the topic of conversation is largely focused on connecting and keeping friends, and the difficulties surrounding that. Yet we are checking in with each other here, i'm sure with relative ease. I'm not saying it is easy here, but we know and respect each other enough to provide the safety needed for our physical lives.

In other words, we're all seeking strength, but we truly already have it with the genuine support we show for each other.

At work now, got to go. Love to all

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Entropic

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2017, 12:01:24 AM »
I can somewhat relate in the sense that I always struggled in making friends. It's so difficult for me to emotionally connect to people and I am pretty sure I do all the right things too. I speak to them, laugh with them, crack jokes, share of myself, ask questions etc. But I can never feel like I can relate to them and they can probably not relate to me. The one common theme among the people I have become more intimate with too is that they too have shared some trauma in their life early on and we can connect over this emotional pain in some way, even if we aren't per se reveling in it or are talking openly about it. It's really frustrating because others can't understand; they tell you stuff like "just go speak to people". Well, I do that. I am not unfriendly or hostile though I can be introverted sometimes but I can also be extroverted. Yet I see others making friends so much more easily and everywhere in a way I don't. I know there's nothing wrong with me, though it feels that way sometimes. It's part why I decided to join this place after I found out about it, because I think that I can be myself here, without all the empty smiling and avoidance of pain that defines general relationships.

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #18 on: March 03, 2017, 12:05:05 PM »
I can only summize that it's down to trust ... and low self worth ..
Increase the worth and relationship with self = increases the trust

Re mobile phones wife#2 yes I understand completely what you are saying - I joined a walking Grp it is wonderful no one is one their phone !!

Yes contessa - very grateful to have everyone here ..

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Wife#2

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2017, 01:25:03 PM »
Oh, I so agree that this is our safe space to speak with people, build relationships and yes, even the trust is greater here. We may be strangers in the real world, but here, we are genuine friends. We get what our pasts have done to our presents. It's easier to listen to someone else when you know they understand the place they are speaking from and they understand how you hear it.

We all do  have strong voices here.

Another advantage to these online friendships is the backspace button. We can change our minds once we see those words in print - before we post. BUT, when talking in real life, we can't take back the words spoken. I think that helps us say what we really intend to say, instead of the first thing that pops into our head - though sometimes, I DO read after I post and go UGH - edit!

So, thank you all for responding. The encouragements and the knowledge that I'm not alone with this struggle does help.  :hug: to each of you!!

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sanmagic7

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #20 on: March 03, 2017, 05:38:41 PM »
don't know that i've ever sat on a verandah, feet up, drink in hand (make mine lemonade, please!) just chatting, but it sounds absolutely lovely!  cheers, friend of my heart!

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Wife#2

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #21 on: March 03, 2017, 06:06:48 PM »
 :hug:  :) ::: Pouring drinks, making sure everyone has their preferred and a spot where the breeze can gently blow across all of us ~ the more the merrier! :::

If I go to the beach and stay in a hotel, I am sure to spend at least some time on the balcony, drink (mountain dew or sweet tea) in hand, staring out into the ocean or talking with whoever is with me. If I can get that hour, my soul is greatly restored.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2017, 03:06:22 PM »
greatly restored, indeed!  would that we could all have that.  heavenly!

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Pammie

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #23 on: March 07, 2017, 01:06:19 AM »
I have a lot of people in my life from childhood and all developmental stages of my life, I'm 56, that call me their friend and that I love and adore but for some reason I don't believe they love me, they love me  and they are patient with me  and somehow intuitively  they know and I told me that one day  I am going to learn that they really do love me, they're not mean to me, they don't give me any reason and I'm constantly worried that they're going to find out something horrible about me and hate me when there is really nothing horrible about me. It took me a long time to believe that anybody loved me and when I did believe it I ran away, even as an adult, out of the Clear Blue Sky I moved one day without notice to Arizona and then one day without noticed to anybody from Arizona back to California and then California to Michigan and now Michigan to Oklahoma. I just get too scared that they're going to find out that I am a monster and I don't want to hurt these people that love me and that I love. We keep in touch on Facebook and with text messages messaging. I don't do phone calls because it brings me to close it's like a face to face but messaging and Facebook keep it at a distance. I think it's just the way that we see the world after what we've been through in life. I don't know how to let people get close to me I want to so so bad but I'm too scared.

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Wife#2

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Re: Isolation and lack of social skills
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2017, 01:44:05 PM »
Big Hugs to you, Pammie. I see you're new, so I am honored that you joined this conversation.

Welcome to OOTS. This is a safe place to learn about cPTSD and maybe even some tools to start overcoming different aspects of it.

Your post touched my heart. I want to wrap my mama bird wings around you and protect you from the weather out there. May I also say that, given your tendency to move quickly without warning, that your friends must truly love you very much. People don't waste their time keeping in touch with people who don't matter to them (I know this first hand). So, to me, that says you are a good and worthy friend to them! Which says wonderful things about who YOU are.

Thank you for trusting us enough to post. We may hate the reasons that brought you here, but we are certainly glad you joined us.