so, the inner child is the core, real, authentic self?

[Coco]

I read this tonight. Is this your experience? You're the experts in my opinion, I'd take your view over those of academics.

The book said the inner child represents the true original self. We split from it and tried to become and idealised self, under the tutelage of the inner critic, in order to adapt and survive. A devalued self, berated constantly by the inner critic, also exists alongside the idealised self or persona we show the world.
The inner child holds our actual identity and being that actual identity is the ticket to wholeness and health.

Your views? You're the ones doing the actual work, I value your perspectives

[woodsgnome]

Academic jargon aside, the term inner child seems as good as many other attempts to describe what really constitutes our core selves. In fact, it can be life-saving, as sometimes it seems like the last straw in all these roundabout attempts to make any sense of what is truly senseless to begin with. Finding the inner child can be likened to melting the iceberg that built up over the years of trauma and abuse. The layer of ice protected you, but can now be dissolved (way easier said than done).

I can say that it wasn't until I suspended disbelief in the process of finding an invisible entity somehow residing inside that I felt some movement out of feeling doomed to what was my fate following an entire blown childhood spent in cptsd-land. Finding the inner child parts wasn't THE answer, but it was a huge part of discovering that component that had to go undercover to even make it to adulthood. As said, though, it took suspending disbelief--it didn't seem concrete enough...at first.

Finally, I just gave in to the possibility and yup, there was an essence emerging from years of feeling trapped inside. What's called the inner child can go under other names (e.g. creativity, soul, consciousness, etc.), but it symbolizes one's ability to go within, maybe even for the first time. Then one finds that yes, there is another life path to follow, and one can play with options, and most fantastic--be allowed to do so!

It is imagination only in the sense of taking that inner core and transforming to the person who was always in hiding. The effects are anything but imaginary--not THE answer to recovering from all that pain, but a pointer to how the good person you really are didn't fully disappear, and can be accessed long after one's chronological youth.

This isn't some silly nostalgic wistfulness for a childhood self one wasn't allowed to have. Instead it can be a dynamic means by which to find an essential slice of life many of us with cptsd missed. In the process one's adult needs for self-care are met as well. None of this seems just childlike or silly when we can re-frame our view.

Outsiders will never fully comprehend this, and that's to be expected, I guess. And that's alright--it's our own journey--with or without formal therapy; with or without what appears 'normal' even. But the steps are there if we dare to find our own kind of 'normal'. For me, the road to my normal was eased having rediscovered that inner child.

[Healing Finally]

Beautiful words woodsgome  - and thank you for the question Coco.  I recently purchased "Healing the Child Within" maybe you are reading it too?  It was written in 1989 and I'll bet I have picked it up before.  But I wasn't ready to hear the words...now I am.   

[jdcooper]

the inner child represents the true original self. We split from it and tried to become and idealised self, under the tutelage of the inner critic, in order to adapt and survive. A devalued self, berated constantly by the inner critic, also exists alongside the idealised self or persona we show the world.
The inner child holds our actual identity and being that actual identity is the ticket to wholeness and health.

This really resonates with me.  I became an overachiever to survive and that was my idealized self.  When my career derailed my devalued self became the predominant self.  Now that I am in therapy I feel like a child; experiencing my therapist as a sort of parent.  It really feels like I am uncovering my inner child; unfortunately she is quite wounded so much healing needs to be done.  Good question for discussion, Coco.

[Blueberry]

I think my experience has been different. I've done inner child work in trauma-adapted group therapy. Most people had one or maybe two inner children. I ended up with about 15, of all different ages. Some of them seemed to hold strengths and some of them were very hurt. Within time and multiple weekends of group therapy I was able to integrate them more and more, so that the strengths are back in my normal functioning adult and the feelings of hurt and anger and so on are no longer so close to the surface.

[Coco]

Thank you very much. You guys are truly awesome.

I have many inner children too Blueberry. It was quite shocking to discover that. I was already in a very heightened 2-week-long triggered state and discovering these fragments of myself made me very scared that I was truly psychotic after all. One was 8, and she fronted me saying with some urgency, "Where's mum?"
Her job is to look after our mother, and she was frozen in time. It was this whole embodied part of myself who'd decided that the best way to cope was to support the mother, in a roundabout way to stop my trauma by healing the perpetrator. She didn't realize that we are now an adult and life has moved on! She was confused that mum doesn't live with us any more. I explained to her that we're grown ups, asked her to notice the body, told her who we live with now, and explained about it not being our job to look after mum any more, that she is a big girl too and only she can help her. The child seemed to understand this.

All the inner child fragments are protected/encased in extreme horror feelings and a lot of pain. But I've been AMAZED at what I am remembering, positive and negative. When I tried to do non-dominant writing, my mind went totally blank after one sentence - protection. So I'll try it again later. I've noticed that now the conversation has started, I'm able to recognise the beliefs and assumptions I came to at different ages, and re-evaluate them now. Before, they were stuck as silent pockets of energy, data, information and feeling, but I was shut off from them even though I was still living from them. This is a really cool process. I'm not diminishing the pain but it's such a breakthrough when communication begins.

[Fightsong]

When my child appeared I was really quite shocked, I don't think i believed in it but there she was suddenly.  She has changed over many months from a timid, frightened little beast  into a cheeky cheerful child able to tell me what she is feeling much of the time. But it took many months. I let her follow me around, I opened myself up to her, I tired to react to her like a real child. it was like having an extra child at times. Sometimes she shocked me, asked hard questions, hit me, sometime giggled, danced and was, well a child. I have done some imagery of re-parenting her, like  going through bad memories and  being the parent myself to her. This has been incredibly healing.  I also have 2 others an older one I'm still getting to grips with and a very young one who's needs were really the most basic simple.  There were times when they were all appearing and around that I really felt I was splitting into a thousand pieces, fragmenting. I was told this was the first step to reintegrating. recognizing them, then over time reintegrating them.

Good luck.  Its most bizarre!

[ToBeOrNotToBe]

Wow, I've only recently been diagnosed with CPSTD and I'm actually in a bit of shock reading most of this today. I think I've finally found the right place. Sending my best to you all 

[bazou]

Wow, I've only recently been diagnosed with CPSTD and I'm actually in a bit of shock reading most of this today. I think I've finally found the right place. Sending my best to you all 

I feel the same way. It's a bit overwhelming as I've been reading through this forum for 3 hours now and every post I read I'm finding myself whispering 'me too'. 

Anyway, all the best to you too!

[Blueberry]

Then welcome, Bazou!

[bazou]

Then welcome, Bazou!

Thank you! 

[I like vanilla]

I am not sure that I fully agree that the inner child is the true authentic self, though I do not full disagree either...

Like some of the other posters, I started the process with some skepticism, but have learned that the process is useful in the healing process. Like one or two others, I also have found that I have more than one IC - currently four and counting.

Are these inner children my authentic self? That is difficult to answer. I grew up in an abusive home (again like many others here). So, from day one my inner self was undermined, and full-on attempts were made by my NM to obliterate my Self altogether. Somehow, I held on to pieces of me but are they my true Self? I think, yes, these inner children are genuine aspects of who I am as a human being. BUT, because I really never developed a full sense of self as a child, I am not sure that any of my inner children, or even all of them together can add up to the full, true me.

Perhaps I am reluctant to embrace the idea because I have also been working really hard both in therapy and in other areas of my life to develop a sense of self, who I really am, what I like and do not like, where my boundaries are, etc. I cannot discount the progress made from that work, and the I think the results of it also make up parts of my authentic self.

I think also that I am shying away from the idea of my IC being my authentic self because it seems to set in stone the idea that what I have is what I get. The concept seems to be fairly fatalistic, leaving no room for growth. Definitely, and thankfully, I am a different person than I was even a few years ago. My inner children continue to carry parts of me, but they also live in the past - a past that affects me in positive, negative, and neutral ways, and a past that I am learning and working to incorporate into my present and future but still my past. I shudder to think that there is no room for creation and development of self in the present. The holding on to the IC as the authentic self seems to place these limitations on people.

So, are my inner children my authentic self? I think yes, certainly parts of me are there. But, I think not fully as I continue to develop my Self.