inner critic on the rampage

[Blueberry]

Yesterday my T mentioned that I can't expect anybody in my FOO to protect me from anyone else in my FOO, that it's me who has to do that. I'm still working on implementing that, but yes, I know it's true. I finally realised that last summer. But still this comment threw me. I don't blame my T for saying it, I mean we have  been working on a major set of FOO problems including this since the summer. It's probably time for a few gentle suggestions.

But my inner critic goes haywire with: you're so useless, you haven't realised that yet (on your own); everything's your fault anyway; everything that went on in the summer (with FOO) is your fault.
I do see in my mind which member(s) of my FOO came up with these sorts of remarks even beyond my childhood. It's certainly not my T saying these! It's more that he's warning me: your family is not going to change! Your brother sounds pretty insensitive so you have to stop him as soon as he starts off with some remark or a topic: "NO! I don't want to hear it."

OK that's helped me to write it down, especially what my T is really saying. Before, I read a bit on here what others of you do with your inner critics but it wasn't very helpful, not at this moment, and nor were my own attempts in the same vein last night (basically shutting the critic out, even if just temporarily).

Having written that, I come to a new realisation: it's a question of shame for me. I feel ashamed because I feel that my therapist criticised me for  something I should have known. Since I didn't know it or act on it that means I'm stupid. And when you're stupid according to my FOO, you really have to be ashamed of that. (I teach and don't act that way towards my students, but towards myself, yes, well...)

I'm very grateful for having a place to write this, where nobody is judgemental. It's somehow different from writing in my own diary. If I'd tried to write it in my diary, I would've blocked far more, probably not come to those realisations so fast. Also I'm pretty judgemental towards myself. I hope I'm not towards others here, I try not to be.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you for sharing blueberry , this is where I am today 'I'm stupid'
My head tells me 'your not intelligent '
'Your not interesting ' ' you talk in one word sentences' 'your memory isn't good
Enough '
It wants perfection and it wants me to crumble when I don't meet it - which of course is unattainable
I'm never as judgemental to anyone like I am myself.. but I see where it comes from it is old tapes playing out
For me what helps is to talk about it , write about it - and find that compassionate voice that I say to myself 'I love you , you are perfect just as you are '
Also a meditation teacher told me last wk it's no good shouting at it it doesn't help..
Telling mine to stop - cutting the thoughts off does help ( unless I'm too entrenched in it ). He said to speak calmly and gently to it to win it over time. I like this suggestion to be an adult over it ... I hope I remember to do it next time

[Candid]

your family is not going to change!

Ain't that the truth? It really is. No matter how much we might wish for better treatment, or imagine ways in which we could be happy with Them if only they would listen just once... they aren't going to play ball.

I've never seen you being judgmental of anyone here, sweet Blueberry.

[Blueberry]

Dear Candid,    to you
Thank you for your feedback on me not being judgemental on here. It means a lot to me to get honest feedback because - well you probably know all about the inner critic on the rampage. Oh yeah  that's the subject of this thread. Thanks for your other feedback too. Need to let that sit for a bit and go and gather food for my little (starving) critters in the meantime.