Trigger Warning Sexual situation mentioned

[solongStockholm]

Hi there.

For those who have experienced sexual trauma in childhood, I'm wondering how your memories "came back" to you?

I'm in T for CPTSD related to significant childhood/adolescent emotional neglect from my parents. But I have one memory that is nagging at me and I'm wondering if it's something to look into...

I'll tell the story is sequence of how I remember it which basically is in reverse time.

Eight years ago, our extended family learned that my uncle/godfather was a child molester. (I'll spare the gruesome details of this reveal). Soon after hearing this news, I realized that for as long as I can recall whenever I heard others' retell of a sexual molestation/incest situation (like on a talk show or in a movie or something) I would flash to this image in my mind of laying with my cousin in her bed at night for sleep. The door is open and from the light pouring in from behind him I can see his silhouette leaning against her doorframe just staring at us. (My cousin is his granddaughter and lived with him, I visited all the time at that time when we were about 8 years old,btw). I never thought it was odd that I had that image associated with incest/child molestation but I also never really consciously thought about the image/memory either. So, until the news broke it had no meaning to me.

I don't know what to make of this. I try and try to remember that time but nothing comes to mind. If something did happen (wouldn't be a surprise...apparently he abused a lot of family members when they were around that age) wouldn't I have more memories of it? I was always a very intuitive person. So maybe I just knew it was odd/creepy and that's why I had the association?

I'd appreciate your thoughts.

[Three Roses]

I think it's better that you explore this with your T in a clinical, therapeutic setting. Digging up memories that you are not 100% ready to face can be damaging in itself, and I wouldn't want you to be re-traumatized.

If it's too painful to say aloud, you could have your T read this post. Hope this helps!

[sanmagic7]

hi, solongstockholm,


i don't think you need to attempt to force it to come.  if it happened, it's in your mind, and as you continue working on your recovery issues, as you get stronger within yourself and more able to cope with the reality of it, it will be there.  it may be that you simply had that creepy feeling, but that nothing actually happened to you.  time will tell. 

i agree with 3 roses that if you want to do exploring, doing so with a professional is your best and safest bet.  it's ok to allow it to happen in its own time.      this is a tough one, for sure.