New and not sure if this is the place for me

[Katie6]

Hi there,
I don't know if I have PTSD, CPTSD, something in between, or something unrelated that just looks like these things.

When I was 15-16 (I'm 19 now) I was in a year-and-a-bit long relationship with a partner that was 18-19 who was extremely abusive to me emotionally/mentally/psychologically, and less extremely (but still) abusive to me sexually.

(As a sidenote: I had already had severe problems with depression, anxiety, spacial/pattern based OCD, and depersonalization-derealization disorder before I met them, not from any trauma, just because I hit the genetic lotto)

They spent the entire relationship gaslighting me, lying to me, manipulating me, tearing me down, raping me, blaming their every fault on me, humiliating me, making sure that I knew that if I left no one else would love me, making me dependent on them, cheating on me and blaming me for it, and viciously tearing down any self-esteem I had.

Because of this, all of my previous mental health problems have worsened, plus I now exhibit symptoms that I feel match with PTSD/CPTSD.  However, because this relationship was never physically violent, I did not live with this person/have legal ties with them, and because she was a woman (and same-sex abuse isn't always accepted as "real") I don't know that I actually qualify, so to speak.  I'm afraid to bring it up to a doctor in case they call me a hypochondriac, but also because I don't know if I will sound completely stupid for thinking I have these disorders if I actually don't.

Also, because it was what I consider to be an adult relationship, I think I belong in the adult category, but I was a minor at the time so I don't know where to put myself on that front

I've been looking for support groups/community advice online for a while, and I've never felt comfortable enough to participate. But obviously, I am now trying.  So let me know your thoughts on this, I guess?

[Blueberry]

Welcome, Katie6!    I'm glad you found us and I hope you feel comfortable here.
This is a very supportive forum and not everybody has an official diagnosis. So don't worry about that.

I think some people post in the adult and child forums and you're certainly very welcome to read both. Then it may become clearer to you which is more applicable for you. This is also a very non-judgemental forum, so no worries if you happened to post in the wrong place, I guess a moderator would move the post.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, Katie6, glad you're here! 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Katie!    As Blueberry indicated, you don't need an official diagnosis to be here and you can post in whichever forum seems most relevant or both.   

I wanted to mention that there is an information sheet about Complex PTSD for physicians, along with a symptom tracker form under "Downloads" in our "Resources" http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/ that you may want to have a look at.  These can be helpful if/when you do go to a GP.  You may want to consider working with a trauma therapist at some point. 

Being in a relationship with someone who does what your ex-partner did can indeed worsen symptoms and create new ones over time so I hope you find some support and info here to help. 

[Wife#2]

**** Trigger Warning ****

Katie6, welcome! Where you decide you fit best here is where you belong. And you do belong. Even if you didn't have cPTSD or anything like it, you belong (they have a loved-ones board - that's where I started out).

So, put to rest any idea that you are anything besides welcome. 

We can't help diagnose, this is a survivor's support board. We help each other deal with different aspects of what we went through, where we are now and where we're trying to go in terms of improved mental/emotional health. Whether some of your symptoms are directly related to abuse or made worse because of abuse, they're still symptoms and you still can add to any conversation!

Because most, if not all, of us are recovering from different forms and levels of abuse, please help us out with a *** trigger warning *** in the title of your post when you are going to touch on certain difficult subjects such as rape or physical abuse. That helps us brace ourselves before reading or choose to NOT read if we're afraid we may trigger reading your post. When you see those, pay attention, there may be days when you just can't read those posts! It's ok. We've all been there. That's why we do the 'trigger warning' in the first place.

to you. Yes, you belong. You are welcome. Check out the tool bars at the top of the screen, read posts as you feel ready and post when that is what you want to do.