Defensiveness

[Tori77]

I have c-ptsd and I've come a long way in my healing, but lately I've become very disrespectful to the person who is helping me the most. I get very defensive and I know it's to protect myself. But, I don't need to do that anymore. Any suggestions? Thank you!

[writetolife]

Hi Tori77, looks like you're new here.  Welcome!

I can definitely relate to this. 

Have you told them why you're being defensive?  It might help to have it out in the open.  Then maybe the person will be less likely to be hurt and more likely to be comfortable to let you know when you're being disrespectful.

I wish I had a better suggestion than that.   

[Three Roses]

Welcome, Tori77! How does writing a letter to your defensive self from your healthy self sound?

We talk a lot about our Inner Child or Inner Kids here - is it possible this defensive self is a younger version of you, who is afraid of paying the cost for the help they've received? Or, pushing away the person out of fear of abandonment? Just some ideas, hope it helps. Thanks for joining!

[sanmagic7]

hey, tori77,

welcome!  thanks for posting.

it sounds like, to me, that maybe there is something going on that does feel like it needs to be defended.  have you identified that?  sometimes, as we're peeling those layers off in recovery, we come to another sensitive spot that hasn't quite healed yet, hasn't been addressed thoroughly, or hasn't been totally resolved even when we thought it might have been. 

our defenses, as you know, are protective devices that have helped us survive.  as we uncover the wounds, do what we believe is needed to heal them, sometimes we might miss something that was off in the corner, and it continued to fester.  i'd give credence to your newfound defensiveness, and explore it a bit more.  there might still be some small bit lurking there that wasn't quite taken care of before.

best to you with this.  i do hope you find the cause and can eventually move on from it.