Need a job but don't want one

[Blueberry]

I read on the Healing Porch that you're not feeling too good right now. So sending you  and also keeping fingers crossed for Council job.

[Candid]

Thanks, my darling. It's always nice to get a  or a from you!

[Candid]

Should have updated sooner, but today I'm starting week 3 of my eight-week internship at the council and I've been kinda pushed for time.  You wouldn't think so, would you, when someone's awake on average 20 hours a day?  But obviously there are times I'm completely incapacitated, eyes open and brain still whirring 800rpm.

Anyway, I'm enjoying the gig.  They're good people.  I'd happily do it for free. 

Oh wait... 

[Three Roses]

[Eyessoblue]

  well done candid that's great news.

[Blueberry]

Candid, the Subject of this thread is pretty apt for me this morning. Oh, wait it is in fact already afternoon here. Yikes.

Anyway, I came online to check my emails hoping that since my late morning client cancelled last night (illness), and my other morning client has been sick for a couple of weeks,  my evening client would've emailed to cancel too. Yeah, I was really hoping that. No such luck.  He was sick last week. Why not this week too??

So though I really could do with the money, I don't want to work today. Well, not that kind of work. Gardening, house work OK, reading "The Body keeps the Score" aka healing work, yes, but not professional work.

To your post from today: I have no idea how on earth you are managing to work on 4 hours of sleep a night!! I'm sorry that it's still the case, but wow, I take my hat off. And I'm so happy for you that you are enjoying the work and that they're good people.  If I remember rightly, that so wasn't your impression going in.

Rooting for you that you get some pay for this after the 8-week internship, if you want to and are capable of staying on, that is.

[sanmagic7]

i'm laughing right next to 3roses!  o, wait, indeed!

well done, dearie.  very good news.  you're doing it!   

[Candid]

I have no idea how on earth you are managing to work on 4 hours of sleep a night!!

Nor do I.  This is all new to me.  I've had sleep issues since adolescence (chronic) and periodically it becomes acute, but never before for anywhere near as long as this.  It was months building up while I did dangerous things with various sleeping pills, so I can't even pinpoint the last decent night's sleep I had.  What galls me is the people at work thinking I've always been like this: zombified.  It took me days to figure out where I sit in a huge office, so that I got lost every time I left it.  That still happens after no-sleep nights, which are rather less common than the five-hours-max ones. 

This morning I estimate I got about three hours from the two pills I took around midnight -- the ones that feel like I've been drinking whisky all night, so I'm nauseous and headachey.  The previous night was a zero, so yesterday for the second time in a couple of weeks I walked in front of an oncoming vehicle: this one a bus in the town centre.  It hadn't even had time to slow down when I noticed the people in front of me wisely waiting to cross the road, and had my one second as an Olympic athlete.  It made me think, if I hadn't got out of the way in time it would have made the local paper as a suicide.  I really don't want that.

If I remember rightly, that so wasn't your impression going in.

Right as always, Blueberry.  I applied back in April and didn't get an initial interview for months, at which they told me I needed references -- my reason for doing the gig.  I then had to write an application, which took me days, after which I heard nothing (not even acknowledgment of receipt) and naturally assumed I wasn't good enough even for unpaid work.  Finally I had two emails on Friday 1st telling me to show up for work on Monday 4th.  To be fair, both had been sent on Thursday afternoon... and when I immediately replied saying I'd made other arrangements but would start Monday 11th, I got two automated responses with variations of: "I am out of the office until Monday (start date).  If your enquiry is urgent..."  One of the people then texted me at 9.15 on the 4th to say she was waiting at reception and where was I?  So that was truly a situation, but I got over being mad at them on day one because I saw how rushed they are all the time.

Rooting for you that you get some pay for this after the 8-week internship, if you want to and are capable of staying on, that is.

That would be good at this stage, but it's been made clear to me that the council isn't hiring for that department.  In fact I'm under the impression they get back-to-back interns to clean up the grunt work.  I know I'm fast, accurate, have learned their filing system and show up on time every day no matter what condition I'm in, but I look um... eccentric alongside people who have a good wardrobe and laundry system. 

Anyway, all is well here.  Thanks everyone for your good wishes.