NPD classmate - tips on how to deal with them?

[Coco]

I haven't dealt with NPD before to my knowledge.... everyone in my family, including me, are quite disordered but I think we are all traumatised with the co-morbidities that go along with that. As many of you know, the personalities that evolve under intense childhood and ongoing pressure, are difficult. Navigating those relationships is an absolute minefield. I am NC, as I was never going to heal with the same wounds being slashed open again and again. I have not resolved any of this within myself yet.

Last week I started a brand new university degree.

One of the other students introduced themselves as someone with NPD and BPD. There was a lot I enjoyed about them and there were a lot of moments I was reminded of very, very difficult and painful people I have had relationships with before in my FOO. Red alarms were going off inside me.

I am here to ask the experienced experts: what is the best way to conduct myself around someone with NPD? We have to interact during class time. 

What should I avoid, what should I do? Do's and don'ts? Anyone got any tips? I want to avoid the inevitable that will obviously happen if I don't approach this with some sage advice.

[Contessa]

Oh wow.

I have a friend who is open about BPD, but never met someone open about NPD.

In my mind by telling you this, that person is owning their responsibility which takes the element of nasty surprise out for you, but yes they have also given you the opportunity to be mindful.

I'm not sure how to go about this, but maybe the type of do's and don'ts will need to be tailored to the type of relationship you have in the long run. Do you see this person as a friend? Class aquaintance? Professional peer?

[sanmagic7]

hey, coco,

since you already know what to expect, i think, if i were you, that i would keep the interactions at a classroom/subject level and not get into anything personal with the npd.   as you know, they have no empathy or compassion, so anything personal would only make you vulnerable to getting hurt.

i think the more mindful you are, the more you just stick to the expectations of the class, and the more superficial you remain, the more you will get through this unscathed.  just my opinion.  i hope it goes ok for you.

[Blueberry]

Agree with sanmagic. Also even in general interaction in class try and focus on students other than the NPD/BPD one. That's not about prejudice, it's about self-preservation.

[Contessa]

I was going in soft with my response, but Blueberry and San have gone right down to the bottom line immediately. And I have to say that I agree whole heartedly with them.

Blueberry hits the nail on the head with the last sentence. Self preservation.

San advises keeping interactions at a classroom/subject level.

All I can suggest beyond this is keep in mind the moment you decided to do this degree. Remember why you decided on that course, what you want to get out of it, and what you will need to do to achieve that end goal. That's not just completing assignments, but the rapport you are going to build with your classmates and possible future professional peers. That's it.

There is absolutely no requirement for anything to get personal with anyone. However a good friend or two along the way will be the lucky bonus.

I, on the other hand, have a lot of work ahead of me repairing the damage I have suffered to my good professional reputation by a narc ex and coworker... huge mess. And it all started the same innocent way as with anyone else.

(... no good has ever come from a narc... just smile and walk away...)