I'm New and need hope

[Jarvus]

47 Yr old Male. Trauma happened several times, in several ways, by several people as a child. Ended up in the Army in the Gulf War 88-91, saw things I can't forget. Now so many years later, I don't function so well. It seams like everyday is a different challenge, a different reminder, another flashback. The dreams have become so real I sometimes can't tell weather or not they are real memories or just dreams. Winter is worse then summer. I'm not sure where this leads... I feel like the end is coming soon, and frankly I welcome the relief sometimes. Is there hope? I'm not so sure.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS JR    A lot of us have been where you are and are doing much better thru therapy, coming here, and using self-help strategies.  Have you ever talked to anyone, professional or members of a group like this one about what you're feeling? I ask because I know I and lots of others tend to isolate  (symptom of the disorder), and not open up about what is going on with us.  That tends to make things feel hopeless, like there is too much to deal with.  Posting and reading here can help with that, as can a good trauma therapist - do you have one?

If you do find yourself in crisis we do have emergency numbers to contact and I would encourage you to pick up the phone.  The people on the other end are trained and compassionate and that can be just the ticket when things are dark. 

    Befrienders Worldwide provides emotional support worldwide to prevent suicide - http://www.befrienders.org

    The International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP)  provides information about where to find help around the world - http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

    Your Life Counts - provides a comprehensive list of crisis hot lines and organizations around the world - http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines

I really like the name of the last one as it's what so many of us have come to see in recovery, our lives count, your life counts.

[Fen Starshimmer]

Hi Jarvus, Welcome to OOTS. So glad you found us.

I am sorry you have been feeling that bad, though it is understandable given what you say about your background. You are not alone.



Hope that coming here is going to help a little bit. I have found it to be a safe place where no one will judge, and people understand.

I agree with Kizzie that a good trauma therapist can help, and it's worth looking around for one. I have been through several therapists, and some have been more helpful than others. Any help is better than none at all. At times the breakthroughs I have experienced have verged on the magical! Years ago, no one seemed to know anything about C-PTSD. Now there's all this info, books, knowledge. I'm a similar age to you, and for many years I felt so alone and freaky because doctors seemed clueless and all I was offered was CBT and pills. I really do believe things are getting better for us CPTSD people. Hang on there. There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

[Three Roses]

Yes, there is definitely hope. Research is revealing that the brain can heal:
http://theunboundedspirit.com/how-to-re-wire-your-brain-the-incredible-benefits-of-neuroplasticity/

https://drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/can-complex-ptsd-be-cured/

...and that's just for starters. Thanks for joining.

[Jarvus]

Thanks for the welcome, yes I have a therapist, and a psychiatrist. Some days just really suck. I'm better today. Sorry about that earlier post.
Time doesn't heal all wounds, it buries them,
then they come back like zombies and eat your brain.
Therapy today, I'm taking my wife of 15 years for the first time. We communicate well together, so I'm kinda looking forward to this, and getting her some tools to help when I get real down. Wish us luck.

[Kizzie]

So glad to hear you are feeling better Jarvus, and also that you have a spouse that cares and some professional help to guide you.  I hope the session goes well 

[sanmagic7]

good luck to you both, jarvus.  very happy to hear that your wife is supportive and is willing to be a part of this with you.  i've found that really helpful in my own situation.

i'm glad you found us.  i've discovered a very warm, kind, and caring bunch of people here. 

thank you for your service, and to all who serve.  too many of you see things you shouldn't have to, deal with things you shouldn't have to.  that can't help but have a profound effect on your mind and sensibilities.

i'm glad you have some professionals to help you through this.  it can certainly be a rough and bumpy road at times.  wishing you all the best with your recovery.  you are braver in more ways than one.  big hug. 

[Candid]

Ended up in the Army in the Gulf War 88-91, saw things I can't forget.

The first trauma therapist I saw told me most of her clients were military or ex-military personnel who also had CPTSD from childhood trauma. She said children of abusive parents frequently joined up because of the subconscious need to have a strict 'family' that was as dangerous and abusive as the original one.

Winter is worse then summer.

I'm another one who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It has to do with light levels rather than temperature, although it's usually temperature that keeps us indoors barely able to get out of bed. The best treatment is to get out for a walk in the morning no matter what the weather, and get some natural daylight into your eyes. This helps regulate sleep, as well.

Haven't yet been out for today's walk and it's not encouraging out there, but I know I feel better on days when I do this.

Time doesn't heal all wounds, it buries them

So true. You may find therapy will start to bring back these 'lost' parts of your life, so that things appear to be getting worse before they start to get better. Stay with the forum, I say, so when those zombies come back intending to eat your brain you can process them in more depth than you have time for in therapy.

to you.