Are Emotional Flashbacks not part of my Inner Child?

[Toast]

I was reading Pete Walker's book on CPTSD and he talks about dealing with emotional flashbacks with a step by step process.

The first steps are something like "1. realize you're having a flashback, 2. realize you are afraid but not in danger." I don't know but these first two steps aren't really helping me. I can realize I'm having a flashback but I just don't care. T

he steps make it seem like you're supposed to act like these feelings aren't real or something: "Yeah, you're afraid, but it doesn't really matter because you're not actually in danger".

That just seems cruel to my IC. Nobody ever cared about how I felt in the past, but I can be the one person who cares now. I can't just dismiss these feelings because they're a flashback. How else are they to be dealt with, though? I can't just go around telling everyone that I want to die.

[meursault]

Occasionally I think I've found a way to deal with this.  For a while it was working pretty well, but not as much at the moment.  BAsically, I am sometimes able to maintain "Executive control" and not let the IC take charge of what I do, while still hearing him.  I pretend I'm the father, bold-facing through it all, and holding the IC in my arms, as they thrash around wildly and try to twist free, but I'm holding him for his own good, like a good Dad would.  Sort of if I was holding an autistic kid who was throwing a tantrum in my arms, and I have to hold him to keep him from running into traffic.

Might not help, and it certainly doesn't always for me, but the short version:  you still listen to the IC, just don't let them take charge.

Meursault

[Kizzie]

   I don't think Walker is suggesting you dismiss the IC's feelings so much as try and get back into your adult self in the present so you can help younger you as Meursault has suggested. FWIW, that's the way I interpret his steps too.

Basically it's a technique for helping you to connect or bring back online the adult parts of you so you can show your IC you care about what happened, and then acknowledge, validate and process those feelings from the past.  Then when you do encounter something triggering in the present, your IC doesn't take over and run/dissociate or whatever, but is calm(er) and OK with letting adult you handle things.

[Candid]

Nobody ever cared about how I felt in the past, but I can be the one person who cares now.

Exactly!

In her book Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, Karyl McBride writes about creating an Internal Mother (who in my case at least bears little resemblance to my real mother), and set up an inner dialogue with her. How would you treat the cute three-year-old you once were if she were crying in front of you? You'd cuddle her, and reassure her, and make suggestions as to what she might like to do next. Your Internal Mother does the same, and never ever does she criticise you or hurt you in any way.

My imaginary friends (plus guardian angel and Internal Mother) keep me going when I get the urge to "go around telling everyone that I want to die". Our ICs don't want to die. They're counting on us finding our way out of the storm, and they'll keep triggering us until we do.