Migraine and Nightmares

[A_Girl_You_Dont_Know]

My nightmares are getting out of control. Yesterday I was on the phone with insurance and after I got off, I had an instant splitting migraine so bad I couldn't process the call. I think my brain literally burnt out and malfunctioned. I woke up at two from another reoccurring nightmare about crashing in a broken elevator and after I calmed down, I realized the result of the call was I can't afford therapy. I have completely lost my faith in god and am so discouraged and shaken to my core. I couldn't sleep after the nightmare except for an hour when I curled up on the floor (am I the only one who finds the floor more safe than beds or  couches?). I don't know what to do. I was so tired when i got to work that I left right away and since my nightmares have been horrid for the last two weeks, I literally collapsed from exhaustion when I got home. Any tips on managing nightmares? I think if i could just get a few nights of sleep, I'd be doing much better.

[writetolife]

Oh Beloved_Unlovable, that sounds horrible.  I'm so sorry. 
The only thing I know of that might help with the nightmares is to try to do something relaxing and soothing before bed.  Maybe if you're more relaxed, you'll be less likely to have them? 

(am I the only one who finds the floor more safe than beds or  couches?)

No, no you are not.  I'm the same way.  I think, for me, it's a way of being as small, invisible, and out of the way as possible, so I feel safer. 

I have completely lost my faith in god and am so discouraged and shaken to my core

I wanted to recognize this comment, too.  Despite knowing through and through what I believe, I've struggled here, too.  I'm a Christian with deep convictions about who God and Christ are, and yet, everything began to feel confusing and muddy when I started to realize that nothing in the world around me was what I thought it had been.  Despite being a "good" Christian, going on mission trips, teaching Sunday school, and leading Bible stories, I feel like I'm building my faith up from the foundation again, with the knowledge now that so much of what I believed about myself, God, and the world around me was false.  And it is sooo hard.  But it's also normal.  In fact, I believe it's part of the CPTSD diagnostic criteria  If you ever want to talk God or faith -- or crisis of faith, for that matter --, please just let me know.  I'd be happy to.

The pain of all of this is incredible, isn't it? So much more than there seems to be a way to express. 

The good news is that there are little victories, too.  Little moments when you realize that you managed a EF well or when you stood up for yourself, and when you aren't paying attention, somehow those little victories add up to progress.  And you look back and realize that you really have gotten a little bit better.

[A_Girl_You_Dont_Know]

Despite knowing through and through what I believe, I've struggled here, too.  I'm a Christian with deep convictions about who God and Christ are, and yet, everything began to feel confusing and muddy when I started to realize that nothing in the world around me was what I thought it had been. 

This. I'm still reading Complex PTSD from Surviving to Thriving and am a little more than halfway through and it has completely shattered my concept of reality and has been forcing me to relive horrible parts of my childhood and NOTHING seems to be what I thought it was and yet at the same time it's all making sense but it doesn't feel good. I don't even feel like I'm at a point to ask god those tough questions yet because I'm still trying to digest I have these tough questions to ask. I've been finding my mind getting stuck on the phrase "Bad bad. People are bad. Everything bad." And keep having to break this loop, but I just can't bring myself to be vulnerable to people right now. Everything feels wrong but it all makes sense which doesn't make sense. I feel like I'm spinning. Please tell me it'll stop and I'll get my bearings again. I feel in a state of shock .

[EverPure]

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. In terms of sleep this worked well for me when I was at my most anxious and not able to sleep.

NatureSpace - it's an app (free) with pure nature recordings. Has both a sleep and a wake timer which is handy.

I found that giving my brain something to listen to while I nodded off affected the quality of my sleep enormously. I'm so trained to it now that I can put it on and be dead to the world in seconds, not minutes. My brain hears the familiar tracks and I'm out. The best thing about it, there are no distracting human voices filling your brain with nonsense while you are at your most easily affected (during theta wave awareness), so you don't dream off things like the news or a TV program etc.

Since I  habituated myself to the sounds of nature the anxiety calmed a lot. The falling rain tracks are my favourites.

You might also want to try lavender milk. Throw a sprig of fresh lavender into a pot of warming milk, strain and drink. Not only is it delicious but very calming and soothing.

[writetolife]

Everything feels wrong but it all makes sense which doesn't make sense. I feel like I'm spinning. Please tell me it'll stop and I'll get my bearings again. I feel in a state of shock .

It does get better.  In my experience, eventually your brain and emotions both start to catch up and you start to accept what seemed impossible to accept and that helps the anxiety a lot.    And we're here for you in the process, friend. 

[A_Girl_You_Dont_Know]

Thank you both.