Following from seeing the psychiatrist

[Boatsetsailrose]

I'm so grateful I got to learn about complex trauma and I then got an appointment with the psychiatrist ..
I just received the report and the words
'And without a doubt her problems do stem from her relationship with her m as a child '
'Has a diagnosis of complex trauma '
Her mother does not have a formal diagnosis of a psychiatric disorder but discussing various aspects of her m behaviour which clearly would fit this pattern'

To see this in black and white gives me a clear  boost that 'it's not ME, it's the effects of what happened to me'
I survived so long in addictions and now the time has come to get long term therapy ( which a charity has offered me specifically for trauma - so grateful)
To revise my life , will I continue to nurse or not ( not worked since Jan)
And continue on this path of recovery .
The trauma assessment therapist reminded me there is no quick fix ( don't we know it ) and I am back on meds again ( just so I can function to a certain extent )
I'm trusting the universe with my life
I'm turning to myself and saying it's ok dear one, we are ok today

[Three Roses]

This fills me with gratitude for you!! Dear BSSR, you have been through so much, and to get this much-needed validation is beyond wonderful. I'm so happy for you! 

[Candid]

'And without a doubt her problems do stem from her relationship with her m as a child '
'Has a diagnosis of complex trauma '
Her mother does not have a formal diagnosis of a psychiatric disorder but discussing various aspects of her m behaviour which clearly would fit this pattern'

You got this from a psychiatrist???  Yay you! Perhaps there really are one or two good ones among the self-important and dismissive ones I've come across.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you three roses - so glad for you being here too

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi candid,
He was a breath of fresh air, gentle and kind, very different from my previous experience of going to a psych..
It has been a journey.. I found a Grp on Facebook for adult children of borderline parents and that's where I learnt about complex trauma.. I then researched it more and found this forum.. I self referred to a psychology service who assessed me and assigned to the senior child trauma therapist ( 12 wks work together which was great but on short lived ..
when I got unwell again this year I asked the doctor to refer me to the psychiatrist to ask for assessment, with the view of being diagnosed. At this assessment I asked if the previous trauma therapist could be there to feed it and v gratefully she was..
whilst a big relief to finally get the acknowledgement my inner critic stills says 'yes but you forced the diagnosis, maybe it's not really the case, maybe it's you that is the problem, over reacting blah blah .. ' but I know this is just rubbish and I do have complex trauma
The NHS do not offer any longer term therapy and so very gratefully someone told me about the charity that I have been accepted by .. the guy who told me has been through the service and I met him at an acoa meeting ( adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families, a wonderful fellowship for anyone interested in further recovery work

[Kizzie]

    It feels to me like you just may have turned a corner and set sail out of the storm so to speak.  Sending much support and care your way Boat, happy to hear you have some compassionate and knowledgeable guidance on the journey 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank u kizzie and thank u for being here x

[sanmagic7]

that's so wonderful, bssr.  what a gift to get that validation from a shrink, of all things.  seeing it in black and white like that makes all the difference.  fabulous!  so happy for you, my dear.  big hug!!!

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you San magic yes it was so validating and liberating to sit with that psychiatrist and my old therapist .
He ( the doctor) came across as a highly empathic, understanding and gentle man with kind eyes and a soft voice. I was so fearful of going and he was a gift of a doctor.
He then sent me an assessment report ( I'd asked for this) and to see it in black and white was further liberation for me esp when he mentioned m didn't have a diagnosis but she clearly would fit into one.
Years of I'm bad and mad melted when I saw the report and treasured it like a new found friend.
Of course since, my critic is doing its upmost some days and it feels like an age I've been waiting to start therapy.
I'm grateful for all the support I get and to not be alone ..
Sending you blessings San magic hope you are doing ok

[Lingurine]

That sounds wonderful bssr, you can let your fear of going to this psychiatrist slide and trust the future again. It helps a lot when your T is understanding and not afraid to be human. We all need that. I have a wonderful psychiatrist too. That feels so amazing, someone who gets it and can help you forward. For the first time in my life I am able to love and trust myself. That is a big improvement.

I hope he helps you where needed.

Lingurine

[Candid]

someone told me about the charity that I have been accepted by

Will you tell me what that is? I'm in the UK too, and flailing around without getting anywhere.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thank you lingurine
Good to hear your progress and having a personable psychiatrist..
mine was only for the assessment and I don't see him any more
I am awaiting for trauma therapy but it is taking time and I feel at a loose end at the moment .. I'm going to source a mental health support Grp to tide me over, somewhere I can go and just say what I need to without vetting is so important for us I think

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi candid
It is The Southmead Project
Here is a link :

http://southmeadproject.org.uk/

It may be worth you going to an aca meeting ( adult children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families ) to chat to people in your area who may know of trauma therapy going on .. that's how I found the charity, no one in the NHS knew about it inc the child trauma therapist and psychiatrist. Aca is 12 step meeting and you can just go and listen .. my family weren't alcoholic but were dysfunctional. The meeting is for adult children survivors

[Lingurine]

somewhere I can go and just say what I need to without vetting is so important for us I think

That to me is the most important thing, just talking about the difficulties we come across and feeling relieved afterwards because we tend to hold it all in and then it gets worse.
Good luck with finding a group bssr.

Lingurine

[sanmagic7]

that relief must have been huge, bssr.  yay for you!  it's a mighty big first step.  i hope your wait for therapy isn't too long.  i think the idea of a support group sounds really good. 

and, thanks for thinking of me.  i'm playing the waiting game of a background check.  if it comes out all right (fingers crossed), i'll have a room of my own to begin to settle down, get a routine started, etc.  hoping for this weekend to be able to move.