Are these viable causes? (Potential Trigger- Abuse/Self Harm/Suicide Attempt)

[jadeily]

I saw mental health services sporadically (bursts of 6-8 months with a month or two away etc) for 5 years, and never felt fully able to open up about what was going on for me, to them, I have Asperger's Syndrome/ASC/ASD, psychotic depression, anorexia, and an anxiety disorder. A lot of self harm went down, for a very long time. And recently I had a nasty relapse.

I'm starting to think that the events I endured as a child/teen may have had an effect? But I'm entirely uncertain as to whether they even matter that much? My mum, who I lived with from age 5-15, has BPD, I suspect, is heavily manipulative, an alcoholic, faked cancers, faked bulimia, miscarriages, and always tried to play into my anorexia, used my self harm to get pity and attention for herself, by bringing her friends into my situation. She would often slap or push me, and knew that grabbing my "bad" arm, would be upsetting, often doing it. She was so well known between my dad, brother, and I for gaslighting, manipulation, threatening suicide, constantly putting me down, building me up and then in a split second, being in a rage. The atmosphere in her house was awful, absolutely awful.

From age 6-14, I was sexually abused by a cousin, a lot of this is repressed, but I know a considerable amount of fondling and some penetration of sorts, exposure to sexual images etc, took place. I confronted him at a family gathering and refused to see him again. At age 12, I went through another period of abuse, this time by a man in his 80s,working at a theatre company I was involved with, this was when things took a turn, but essentially, similar to what occured with my cousin. I testified in court and had him imprisoned, but I have repressed significant amounts of those few months. I survived a very nasty suicide attempt at 14, which put me in a horrible way, and increased my mum's attention-seeking by proxy. I experienced a lot of sexual harrassment and grooming from numerous people over this time, and a heavily abusive friendship,in a circle of friends who I found were all very ill, and one in particular (B) was almost identical to my mum.
I've found I'm hugely dependent on bad relationships,and self-destruction, and although I match many symptoms of C-PTSD, I still question whether whats happened could be a legitimate trigger, particular the situation with my mum?

[Blueberry]

Hello Jadeily and welcome to the forum 
Just skimming through your post (because of the potential triggers) is enough to tell me that those are more than enough viable causes! We can't give you a diagnosis on here, but if you think you have C-PTSD, then just read around the forum and also resources. If that's helpful for you, then that's the whole point.
Once you have been traumatised and not healed, then further injuries (whether physical or emotional) will tend to add to the trauma, whereas they might not in somebody not already traumatised. This is the complex part of C-PTSD. I say that because of your doubt about the situation with your mother.

Good luck to you and hope to see you on the forum!

[Three Roses]

Hello jadeily and welcome to the forum. I read your whole post (thanks for the trigger warning ) and I agree that you have been through some very traumatic circumstances.

Many of us here have self-diagnosed with complex ptsd, which is not yet in the current DSM as a stand-alone disorder. The experiences you have related are certainly enough to cause it. Take a look around at other posts here and see what you think.

Again, welcome and thanks for joining!

[sanmagic7]

hi, jadeily, welcome.  so glad you made it here.

i can't diagnose, but it sure sounds to me that you've had layers upon layers of trauma over and over again.  that would probably qualify for c-ptsd, if, as 3 roses said, it were an actual diagnosis.

i'm very sorry that you've gone thru so much.  you'll face challenges as you continue in recovery (if that's the path you choose to follow), but i do believe that we can whittle this beast down if we stick with it.  i hope you can take care of yourself as best as possible.  you are worth it, no matter what other messages you might have received along the way.  thanks for posting, and i hope you'll continue.  this place has done wonders for my recovery.  such warm, caring, supportive people here.  best to you.

[jadeily]

Hello Jadeily and welcome to the forum 
Just skimming through your post (because of the potential triggers) is enough to tell me that those are more than enough viable causes! We can't give you a diagnosis on here, but if you think you have C-PTSD, then just read around the forum and also resources. If that's helpful for you, then that's the whole point.
Once you have been traumatised and not healed, then further injuries (whether physical or emotional) will tend to add to the trauma, whereas they might not in somebody not already traumatised. This is the complex part of C-PTSD. I say that because of your doubt about the situation with your mother.

Good luck to you and hope to see you on the forum!

Thank you for the welcome and the support, I think I'll definitely have a look around <3

[jadeily]

Hello jadeily and welcome to the forum. I read your whole post (thanks for the trigger warning ) and I agree that you have been through some very traumatic circumstances.

Many of us here have self-diagnosed with complex ptsd, which is not yet in the current DSM as a stand-alone disorder. The experiences you have related are certainly enough to cause it. Take a look around at other posts here and see what you think.

Again, welcome and thanks for joining!

Thank you!

[jadeily]

hi, jadeily, welcome.  so glad you made it here.

i can't diagnose, but it sure sounds to me that you've had layers upon layers of trauma over and over again.  that would probably qualify for c-ptsd, if, as 3 roses said, it were an actual diagnosis.

i'm very sorry that you've gone thru so much.  you'll face challenges as you continue in recovery (if that's the path you choose to follow), but i do believe that we can whittle this beast down if we stick with it.  i hope you can take care of yourself as best as possible.  you are worth it, no matter what other messages you might have received along the way.  thanks for posting, and i hope you'll continue.  this place has done wonders for my recovery.  such warm, caring, supportive people here.  best to you.

Thank you for the welcome and support! I'm really glad to have found OOTF and hopefully it will be helpful