Neat Interactive Self Care Guide

[tea-the-artist]

I'm feeling a bit cheery today, and I feel it's partly thanks to this interactive self care guide (mild warning for a curse word, but only on in the title of the guide). I don't take meds or have access to therapy or anything, so really it's a struggle finding something that works.

Anyway, I find this guide to be pretty helpful as a person who has a lot of struggle with re-parenting, particularly due to very traumatic emotional neglect. It's really hard to take care of yourself when you never got the skills to do so, and I find that every day since using the guide, I am remembering bits of the steps. Very simple things like drinking water or going to bed at a good time, taking medication (I just use that step to take vitamins), eating, tidying your space, etc.

You can use it every morning when you wake up, and it helps remind you of some physical needs first off, to make sure that those my be the things you need to do to feel a little better. Then it moves on to more mental things, such as if you've been triggered, feel dissociated, foggy, etc.

I also found this post to be helpful to me last night when I was feeling really down.

One of the things I learned in outpatient was that when you're having a [bad] time or your trauma is triggered or you're anxious is to give yourself a hug, pat yourself on the chest, and tell yourself "I love you, I'm sorry." This shows compassion to yourself, and the affectionate physical contact with yourself releases the same chemical process as if it were someone else doing your actions.

Give yourselves love, guys. You deserve it.

As a neglected person it can also be hard to give yourself self-compassion, to really truly feel like you're worth giving compassion to. But you really are! It's hard to accept compassion (at least personally for me), but just doing the step helped me get into a better mood, combined with the guide. I'll probably move to the successes thread or to my journal to update on this, but I do feel better, and also even more I feel like I've added some tools to my previously empty self care toolbox! I hope it helps anyone who struggles with this sorta stuff too!

[mourningdove]

Wow, what an awesome find, Tea! Thank you! 

As a neglected person it can also be hard to give yourself self-compassion, to really truly feel like you're worth giving compassion to.

Definitely. In case you don't know already, there is a psychologist(?) named Kristen Neff who specializes in self-compassion work. I found a TedTalk by her on YouTube and found it helpful.

[tea-the-artist]

absolutely mourningdove! you're very welcome too Kristen Neff sounds like they'd have some incredible resources too so I will look into it soon! i think i've come to realize my biggest priority is working on self-compassion so I really appreciate the additional reference 

[Blueberry]

That's great, Tea. It's telling me I need a nap, so will set that in motion!

[tea-the-artist]

that's good blueberry i also wanted to mention was a new awareness of self that i seem to have picked up. i haven't looked into it too much, but its also pretty difficult for me to "notice" physical things that were bothering me. or could have been bothering me. certain things like back aches or kind of obvious pain is easy to note, but often things like hunger, or a slight strain due to how i'm sitting, headaches, I often ignored or just didn't notice. and I feel like the guide helps remind you to take a minute to stop and assess yourself in all ways. I'll ask myself "Ok, how am I feeling? Does something hurt? Let me stop and just try to focus on my body so I can pinpoint any pain I may be experiencing that I overlooked."

I just... helps a lot for me. Acknowledging that I exist in a body that is real is a fairly new concept that seems like common sense. But part of my self care along with self-compassion is self awareness and knowing when I'm hurting and that things can be done to alleviate that pain, instead of suffering in silence as I'm prone to do (I often refused to take anything even if i was experiencing pain, noticeable pain even).

and even more, it's a quiet yet nice feeling to notice yourself reparenting yourself, if that makes sense. like... I care about me. And I'm taking steps to show myself, Little Tea and current me, that I'm worth caring about, and doing things for myself to show that I care. And I really do, for once, earnestly feel that, true to my heart. it's like Little Tea can sense that, and feels a bit of ease and slight happiness, and I feel happy caring for her. because it's my choice, and for once I'm aware of my duty to her. and that's good and that's OK for me now

[Blueberry]

That sounds excellent, Tea. So happy for you and Little Tea.  for you.

[joyful]

Thank you so much for posting this tea! I love it! Super helpful!

[Blueberry]

Thanks again for posting this, tea! I've jsut had a look at it again and discovered that i certainly need a drink. None available at my computer, so I'm shutting down.

[tea-the-artist]

oh blueberry and joyful I'm really glad you're liking it! you're super welcome!

[texannurse]

Tea,
this is a great idea!! When the urge to self harm or act out on addictions hits I usually know I need to do something else, but can't think of what to do. It would be helpful to have "go-to" alternatives readily available.
Thank you!!!
Texannurse

[writetolife]

Tea-the-Artist, the book that I'm reading right now - The Body Keeps the Score - says that isn't that uncommon for trauma survivors to be disconnected from their bodies.  The writing says that people unintentionally disconnect from their sensations because they can't handle the physical sensations that come as a result of their trauma - the tightness of anxiety, body flashbacks, that weird feeling in the pit of the stomach, etc. etc. etc.

I experience the same thing, to a lesser degree.  I can tell when I'm that hungry (like right now because I haven't had breakfast yet, lol), but sometimes I'll totally miss some types of physical pain or tension in my body. 

It does make self-care more challenging, doesn't it?

[turnstone]

I'm feeling a bit cheery today, and I feel it's partly thanks to this interactive self care guide (mild warning for a curse word, but only on in the title of the guide). I don't take meds or have access to therapy or anything, so really it's a struggle finding something that works.

I'm new here, and just came across this through a search. What a great find. Thanks for sharing it.

[tea-the-artist]

sorry these responses are late, i've been gone for a while

writetolife - i've heard a lot about that book. i've been meaning to pick it up (reading can be a bit challenging for me, but i might grab it soon). the disconnect really does make self care challenging, youre right about that! i still don't know if i ever dissociate but i am often spacing out a lot or go into active daydreams and it takes a bit to be more aware. i also tend to hold a part of my breath, so i'm not breathing fully and i notice sometimes im holding my breath all the way and feeling really tense and again, takes a while for me to realize before exhaling... and seeing how much i breath i was holding. a challenge indeed.

turnstone - welcome to the forum! i hope you find a lot of support and resources here and you're very welcome, i hope the guide helps you out

[Blueberry]

It's good to see you back, tea, in whatever form you're in. 

[tea-the-artist]

thanks blueberry!

also texannurse I forgot to respond! i'm really glad this can hopefully be an alternative for you  it's really handy! i wish there was an app for my phone tbh