Trying to fill the void with junk food

[sanmagic7]

but, ic didn't win, and you let your post lie.  you did great, wife2!  hurray!  you go, girl!

wow, so many messages about food, eating, body size, what's right, what's wrong, what should or shouldn't be.   the newest thing is big butts.  those used to be laughed, ridiculed, but now, it's like the bigger the better.  implants and all that.  i saw a foto of a celebrity who i thought looked misshapen because of the size of her hips/butt, and the guys on the program were going on and on about how great she looked?  has someone added kool-aid to the water system?  i just don't get it.

i've been big, small, in between.  big right now,  working on not making it matter.  eat healthy, what's best for my body and how it reacts needs to be my focus.  screw the rest.  it's no wonder we struggle with body image so profoundly.  ugh!!!

gotta go back to packing!

[SE7]

there's an exercise i learned, very simple, very powerful.  have someone raise an arm to shoulder height and say to themselves, 'i can keep my arm up.'  when you push down on it at the wrist with 2 fingers, it's strong and won't budge.

same or different arm, raise it, but this time say to themselves 'i should keep my arm up'.  then, push down on their wrist with 2 fingers.  usually, there is no resistance at all, and the arm goes down immediately.

just that one word 'should' and the connotations behind it strip us of our power.  the mind is indeed mightier than the body.   this can be used with all sorts of words, like 'can't', 'i wish i could hold my arm up', etc.  the messages we tell ourselves make all the difference.

hey sanmagic7, so glad you mentioned this arm thing ... it REALLY helped me notice the 'inner critic' problem I have, which is probably my absolute worst symptom from narc. abuse syndrome/CPTSD.

This prompted me to print out a list I have of cognitive distortions and I want to go over it and see what is broken in my psychology.

I've noticed that in the areas of health & finances, where I was abused the most psychologically, this is where I am most frozen right now. I am working on fixing & rebuilding my broken foundation so that I have a chance of moving through those areas. I am so tired of having goals related to health and career but not being able to complete because of this fractured foundation. Starts with my thoughts and emotions.

This may be going off on a tangent for this post topic, but it is related to the whole health/diet thing for sure (at least for me!) Thanks all

[sanmagic7]

the mind is, indeed, mightier than the brain, the body, or the past.  we can do this.

[Wife#2]

SE7 - it might be in the right hand lane instead of the left hand lane, but it's still on the subject, at least to me.

Because, it was the thoughts behind my desire to gorge that caused the first post! I knew it was my thought process that was off. And, even catching it in action, I lost that battle. Yes, I won the later post or erase battle. But, you are so right! It's the thinking behind the action or non-action that bind us up and leave us feeling captive.

We can overcome it. Even though we sometimes feel like we've just been in a battle to work to overcome, still we can succeed. Then, the next time we hear that same IC foulness and lies, we can point back to that time we won. Hopefully, it'll help us win the next battle. Sometimes, it's no help at all.

My small victory for myself this weekend? I bought some flavored water and drank that alternating with the soda I love. My body LOVED it and wants more water. So, I may move to a 2/3 ration - three waters for every two sodas. Next step, 1/3 favoring water.

We can start re-writing the script. It may take a few edits or a few lost battles, but we CAN get there. I feel it! Even while my body is overly tired from too much sugar and starch. Even while my kidneys hurt from too much soda and coffee. We can, as long as we are still breathing, rewrite the critic part of our inner script. Change it's tone from belittling and nagging to encouraging and helpful. Change the words from insults to constructive criticism or better, wise words chosen to help us on our journey.

Right now, I can say that I'm taking every healthier choice as a victory. It's a small one, and accidental to boot, but I chose a sugar-free flavored creamer for my coffee. It's just as delicious as the sugar variety. So, future note to self- it's OK to buy the sugar free stuff. One less source of sugar. It matters. It's a change I can make permanent. Ha- take that, inner critic! I'm one step closer to my goal.

What is my goal? To place myself in charge of my inner life and to tell inner critic to take a hike. To be responsible for my own actions and inactions, not abdicate that responsibility to my abusers and their cruelties. To WIN by living for my own sake and my own reasons, not to please or appease or impress them. To do or say things because they are right and good and improve my life. To do or say them because they support my truth.

This is actually my hope for all of us. To move into a place of victory, where we learn who we are and what we are about, so we can live that reality with integrity and consistency.

What is my truth? That I abhor being lazy, even though that's how I've been living my life. That I miss the years when I was active and eating right, because of how good my body felt. That I want that good feeling back and that there is work to be done to get there. Work I can't keep putting off.

Just to show that I'm not all that, and certainly not a cookie, too - I asked DS to go for a walk with me the other night. 'No, thanks, Mom. But you have fun.' And, so, I just sat on the sofa instead. I let that gentle rejection derail my desire to go walking for my health.

To quote a 70's movie - 'We've got a long way to go and a short time to get there. We've got to do what they say can't be done.'

[Blueberry]

Today I wrote on a card which I keep on my table what I can do when the urge to eat unhealthy things comes. Things like: do EFT tapping, stamp my feet (helps ground me), smell nice scents.
So I put perfume on. But when I went shopping, I went and bought some not too healthy things and ate half of them. (But not all!). I'm still smelling the perfume and that's good. Even though I ate which means strengthening the unhealthy route in my brain, I put perfume on as well  which means strengthening a healthy route . 

[alchemist]

#wife#2:
I was never overweight but I did not eat when I was being abused and I went to a place called Overeaters Anonymous which was for Anorexics and Bulimics too.  It didn't really fit my situation since once I got out of my abusive FOO, I ate normally.  It might be helpful to you.  The people I met there were very kind and supportive even though I felt the content of the texts did not apply to Me.. 
We all emotionally eat from time to time but when it becomes central to our health and lives is when it could be an addiction.
It is awesome that you are aware of the desire to eat when emotionally stressed.  I know that most of us when stressed would like to bury our heads in chocolate.  But I refrain because I know I won't be as fit and energetic if I eat it all the time.  I limit myself to a delicious chocolate dessert once every two weeks and I have a square of dark chocolate 75% every day as it is filled with magnesium and rich in A,C, and E(antioxidants). It also releases dopamine and oxytocin the feel good endorphins into the blood stream.
If you feel it is out of control I would check out OA.  They have an online site and even telephone meetings if there is no meeting in your area.

[Wife#2]

Thank you, alchemist. That is wise and caring information.

I was too thin in my youth, now I'm too fat. It seems food has been an issue more than I realized all my life.

The odd thing, that I'm going to have to look at, is how my brain 'drew back' and wanted to hide from your words. I literally had to force myself to read your whole post!

There is something going on in there that I definitely need to identify. Do I really ENJOY being this overweight, cravings-driven, lump sitting on my sofa at home? Is that who I've become? That kind words from a fellow traveler, with really good advice, should cause me to shrink and look away?

I've got some thinking to do......

[sanmagic7]

wife2, i absolutely love your goals, your definition of victory in all this.  brilliant!

very interesting that it was difficult for you to read a post that suggests a positive action to take.  i have to admit, it doesn't sound like a bad idea.  since you don't have a t or other face to face support, an eating group may be a positive step for you.

if you decide to go to a meeting, when you're ready, of course, we'll all be waiting on the porch to welcome you back with hugs, eager to hear what kind of experience it was for you.  if you're not ready, or don't think it's what you want to do, i support you completely.  it sounds like this is getting to be an issue you're becoming ready to look at with more depth.  cheers to you, dear friend.  big hug!

[alchemist]

wife#2 I only want to help everyone like Me.  The love and support that you will get in a group like that is wonderful.  It really helped me even though that wasn't my issue.  Yo will not be judged for your size. You will be welcomed. You seem like a good person and I hope you will let me know how you are doing regardless of whether you decide to go to a meeting.

[alchemist]

Also, Wife#2 You are no less valuable because of your size.  The only reason I mentioned the group was for support and to get rid of an addiction-not to get skinny.  That isn't their goal. Their goal is to support one another in eating healthfully and ending self-destructive eating behavior as I recall it.
You are lovable just as oyou are wife#2

[Wife#2]

Oh, Alchemist, I am so thankful and was not offended in the least. Really! That's why I need to examine why it was so hard to read your post. Not because I was insulted or felt bad about my body size. OK, I do feel some disappointment that I am the size I am, but it's not about that. It was about not wanting to be proactive, I think. I've struggled with that a lot in my entire life. Stepping up and being proactive for myself.

You are so sweet to suggest OA, and it's a real thing that I hadn't even thought about. Hubby and I have both discussed how age and weight have crept up on us. My town is big enough that we could go to separate meetings if we wanted, so that he could honestly discuss his issues and I could honestly discuss mine. I've been thinking about that since reading your post.

I was only saying that I want to investigate what inside my brain didn't want to read helpful, kind advice. Why did I resist that? I'm still not sure what's going on about that. I do want to get deeper into that before I try meetings. I believe that I'd not get out of them what I should if I'm resisting the proactive nature of meetings like OA.
  Please understand, I'm grateful for the suggestion AND for the kindness in your follow-up posts. My resistance is tapping something way deeper that I need to understand. That 'trigger' if you will, is a good one and I'm thankful even for that! 

[alchemist]

Lots of Love Wife#2

[Hope67]

the idea that when there's some discomfort that we can't identify, and we don't know how to self-soothe, we go for what we can grab for a 'quick-fix' to make that discomfort go away.  i'm familiar with this, cuz i do it, too.

I know this is an old thread, and I am thankful to Wife2 for this thread, as I've found things that people have said here to be very helpful.  I am just quoting you SanMagic - as this makes sense to me.

Hope